Cross Me

0 voices

La gente dice que cuando se va por un mal sendero la única forma de revertir y sanar todo es tocando fondo. Drogadictos, alcohólicos, depresivos, cualquier extremo de algún tipo de mala conducta, tiene un fondo que al ser "visitado" todo cambia por completo y se sube de nuevo.

Bien, estoy de acuerdo con la existencia de ese fondo, pero que existe no sólo en esos casos tan extremos, sino bien todos tenemos un fondo y la distancia o profundidad depende de quienes somos, como somos y las acciones que decidimos tomar. Pues entonces yo he tocado fondo, hace tiempo y me he quedado aquí. No es que apenas me este enterando, me he visto en este fondo por algún tiempo ya, es solo que necesitaba quedarme aca abajo.

Podría sonar hipócrita o poco honesto, pero la verdad me esta comenzando a importar menos eso y me esta importando más la verdad que me creo yo misma. Es quizás hora de subir de nuevo y averiguar que esta tan mal en mi que sigo hiriendo a quienes mas me aman.

Hace un año hablé de silencio y de cosas ganadas, este año ha sido parcialmente igual en cuestión de ganar experiencia y perspectivas, así como aprender, crecer y toda esa paja que considero poco importante de mencionar: todos aprendemos con el pasar del tiempo, big deal. El asunto que en si remarca y merece la pena escribir es que estando en el fondo decidí dejar de mentirme, tengo una historia que contar y las mentiras evitan que mis acciones sean dirigidas hacia ese fin.

Creí conocerme en el 2008, pero lo que conocía eran versiones de mi reflejadas en las personas que me rodean y que me aterra pensar que pueda yo decepcionarlos al ver que quizás no soy como esperaban que fuese. Pero no puedo seguir alimentando esas imagenes desde aca abajo, he visto tanto sin poder realmente participar y siento que se me pasa el tiempo sin actuar realmente... sigo siendo una cobarde disfrazada de heroina... esa que tiene tiempo en el fondo solo esperando.

Por qué ahora? Porque ya no tengo más nada que hacer aquí y logré descifrar lo que significó esta estadía: entendí y agradecí cosas que hice, daños que probablemente ocasioné, experiencias que no quisiera recordar, momentos que me hacían morir por dentro un poco, palabras que marcaron mis sonidos, miradas que me otorgaron verdades tan lejos de mi realidad, acciones que tomé sin pensar y me hicieron sentir mal por cierto tiempo... gente a quien le hice daño directa o indirectamente, mentiras que juré y cosas que quizás hice creer.

Agradezco todo eso porque me hacen dar cuenta que mi vida giraba en torno a algo y no alguien, que mis acciones siempre han sido mias y de nadie más y lo mas importante de todo, que siempre puedo enmendar lo hecho. Amo no ser perfecta, tener debilidades, defectos, malas actitudes, formas de responder y sobre todo ser tan decidida cuando quiero.

Agradezco los golpes, las mentiras que recibí y aún recibo, las malas intenciones, los maltratos y la falta de interés que se vino, agradezco sin sarcasmo todo lo que fue mio durante este tiempo y lo que perdí, sabiendo que realmente nunca fue mio. Agradezco el engaño, la verdad intencional y el silencio, pero sobre todo lo siento tanto. Es hora de irme para dejar el fondo ya suficientemente explorado.

+Feliz 2009, Truly+

Lyrics by Chan Marshall aka Cat Power (My strength)



Oh how time flies
With crystal clear eyes
And cold as coal
When you're ending with diamond eyes

Oh come child
In a crossbones style
Oh come child
Come and rescue me
'Cause you have seen some
Unbelievable things

Hater I have your diamonds and still
So still
'Cause you have seen some unbelievable things
Read On

All Colors Into One

0 voices


Too many things to write right now, too little time to figure out... but just one song

U2

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes Im still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for..
Read On

Blame The Signals

0 voices

I said all my words were being sent to another box... but this one fits here better, and I was inspired by some...

It happens.. like always, that people try to arrange situations and find reasons for things to happen, good or bad we look back down to see if there're some clues that would lead us to the answer "why is this happening?". Some like me, enjoy going to extremes: either we smile and think about the universe and its ways... or we don't take too long untill we find the answer.

But what really happens is that we blind ourselves when necessary, when it's about time to face some situations, that sensation of fear in front of something we can't recognize at the moment, 'cause we all need information to be Ok. That moment happens seconds before we find ourselves facing the fact that there's a change coming or a decision needs to be made. I call it "the transparent signal".

It's always there, big and clear but weak... as weak as we want it to be, 'cause actually we are never really ready for big changes or turns to make and we rather pretend to be caught by the moment by saying "I didn't see this one coming"... Yes you did, we always do. That power of decision we all have can become an enemy to us if we decide to blame other surrounding for not letting us know what was about to come... But the truth is, we always knew.

There're colors everywhere... There're words everywhere but we keep on blinding ourselves for those moments not knowing that the best reason to do so would be surprise ourselves, and learning to act without thinking too much. As an impulsive person I consider myself, this might be the greatest deal: I blind myself before the big bang and pretend not to see the signs that are showing me which way to go.

The question is.. when to do it... when not to do it.
Do I really do this? Or do I make myself believe I do it?
"I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run"

Now back to the book.

Photo by: JuanM.
Specially dedicated to: Diego
Song performed by: Claudio S.

Lyrics by Radiohead

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself.
It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out.
It wears him out, it wears . . .

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out, it wears me out.
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh.
Read On

This Is Me At 23

4 voices

Son las 4:27 de la tarde y ha sido un dia multicolor.
Personas que se acercan a mi pasillo para soltar señales de afecto y cariño, mentes e ideas que me acompañan este dia tan mio proporcionandome estabilidad en los pasos que voy constanetemente dando, mientras sigo avanzando.

Morado, cabello corto, gerencia, niños, estudiantes, fuerza, familia, blog, compañeras, credibilidad, cafe, vino, inseguridades, pilares, libros, shaun, arturito, trix, ellos, miedos, cronicas de cambio, lunes de biblioteca, pasiones, candy, ideas, ex, emotion, bodoques, trident splash fresa con limon, vestidos, marron, black bellow, electricidad, metas, desorden, prolongar, ultima hora, mis profesores, frustraciones, clases, loser state, energias, audifonos, sol, esperanzas, compañia, bolsos grandes, ilusion, disciplina, destrezas, determinacion, manejar sola en la calle, suspiros, risas, pulgui, las mias, bajas expectativas, poder, papel de regalo, logros, potencial, manejo, herramientas, piel marcada, perspectivas, agua, mandarinas, busqueda, palabras, coconut lime verbena, letras, musica y alma.

Esta soy yo a mis 23, y cerca de mi las verdaderas razones que me hacen sentir amada.

Lyrics by Trapt

This attraction
Only to appearance
Becoming your religion
Looks are every thing
The only thing
That means something to you

Satisfaction,
Only on the surface
Your eyes are always focused
Go on and let it show
That there is no
Exception to the rule

So fill the empty space!
With another pretty face

[chorus]
Skin Deep
Skin Deep
No one will ever be perfect in your eyes
Skin Deep
Skin Deep
Only scratching the surface for your prize

First impressions
Are over in an instant
You make your decision
Before you speak a word
You end your search
The page already turned

Every conquest
Filled with disappointments
Lacking any substance
Now your out of words
The lines are blurred
Your never gonna learn

So fill the empty space!
With another pretty face
Read On

Fishing The Sky

4 voices


"They wish you were as easy as you seem to be"

"You make them think they might take part in your life"

"Your box is yours and no one else"

Comencé hace un tiempo, pero es momento de dedicarme por completo.

Mis expectativas son increiblemente grandes, no tengo idea aún como darle forma y como decir lo que quiero decir. Pero... Es momento ya.

Durante el tiempo que tome haciéndolo, el blog no será actualizado, pero su función nunca se detendrá simplemente las palabras irán en otro sitio y con otro esquema.

Apenas finalice, volveré a mi caja y a lo que aqui soy, pero nunca más será lo mismo.

Lyrics by Appleseed Cast

The reaching ocean
Walked for days
The reaching ocean
You are mine

The falling skyline
Is washed away
This empty notion
You are mine

Fishing the sky

The reaching ocean
Walked for days
The reaching ocean
You are mine

The falling skyline
Is washed away
This empty notion
You are mine
Read On

Riot And One Line In Between

1 voices

Sometimes they ask why I get them so well, or how is that I know how to listen understand and speak their language; well I guess it comes pretty easy for me and the fact that I have that "power" of understanding, allows me to present myself on the table for them to use me in a way.

It is not something I learned to work, but an ability to listen so neat that I actually enjoy, when someone ask the reason I say that it's because of the perspectives I take from them when they talk to me and release their stories. I consider all this the main reason for them to get so attached to me, and as human I am I get used to this sort of dependence which now I need to feed constantly in order to fill some spaces of my happiness in progress.

But as in everything, this thing I do brings some consequences that are not very good for me. One is that I raise my expectations towards other people to listen to me, comparing it with they way I listen to them and of course, as high as my expectations grow I get disappointed and frustrated. Even when I glue myself to these someones, the need is never completely satisfied and what happens is that I fill it with the feedback I get.

The other consequence I get I that I include myself too much in their situations and it gets to a point where I try too hard to have them see through my perspective just because it works for me, and because I believe it will work for them. Now that I'm admitting all this, I can't help seeing how much I am like you.

But since I always control everything and I believe in the power that control gives me, I came up with a plan a long time ago which I've been trying to put in motion; I created a line to separate me from them just presenting my willingness to listen and give answers, but staying in my side. They will stay after the line standing in front of me just getting the answers and perspectives they'd like to choose.

When I cross the line I get hurt.
When I cross the line I mess with something that does not belong to me.
When I cross the line I don't truly help you.
For that I'll stay here and you'll stay there.

Lyrics by The Rakes

We are the animals,
who have lost our hair.
Retained some of our teeth,
and gained a choice...

We'll chase food, money and sex,
until satisfied.
And when its time to rest,
ask 'whats next?'...

We are all animals x4

Well its hard enough to retain control,
when our instincts are egging us on,
with biologists and chemists reducing our souls,
to four letters...
And when we think about it,
we're like a masterpiece,
whose glimpsed, the artist?

We are, the machines,
carrying our various genes.
Then discarded,
when the job is done.
We are the diciples,
who have lost our way.
Kicked from our pedestal when Darwin burnt the book

We are all animals x4

Well its hard enough to retain control,
when our instincts are egging us on,
biologists and chemists reducing our souls,
to four letters...
Will genes replace Genesis?
We're like a masterpiece,
whose glimpsed the artist?

We like to think we're at a special place; the stars revolve around the human race,
but we're just mammals, just, primates...
Like chimps or g'rillas
We see the hair on our face,
And look at another primate,
You and I, we relate...
Read On

Vain

5 voices


Desconocido no es que mis escritos no sólo son reflejo de mi, sino de otras personas y experiencias que esas otras personas me han proporcionado. De allí viene todo el asunto de mis perspectivas compartidas.

Lo cómico resulta ser que me he dado cuenta lo vanidoso del asunto, digo (he estado en la posición, por lo tanto se de lo que hablo) el saber que una persona escribió sobre uno otorga una sensación bastante grata, es agradable, cierto? Y probablemente muchos se deben haber sentido de esta forma aqui dentro de mi caja, aún cuando muy pocas veces ha sido claro el personaje involucrado en el post.

No lo niego, algunas veces pueden percibirlo, pero estoy segura que se han equivocado en otras oportunidades... Al final (sin pretender sonar vanidosa yo) es mucho lo que hay que desconfigurar en mi cabeza para realmente comprender o desencriptar algunos de mis post, especialmente cuando van dirigidos a ciertos "someones"; si la idea es ser yo la única que sepa... quién cree que pueda adivinarlo? Tan gafa no soy creo, si deseo que lo sepas... lo sabrás sin duda alguna.

La idea de escribir sobre seres que me rodean viene de eso que dije al principio, perspectivas y experiencias que me robo y que vivo con ellos, que van construyendo poco a poco lo que soy. Siempre envío mensajes pero de una forma muy propia y si se quiere, cobarde... Cuantos post he dedicado directamente? Son contados y giran en distintos planos. Algunos han comenzado a conocer y traducir mis escritos, pues bien por ellos a veces.

Así que tú, tú, tú y quizás tú... quizás esto es sobre ti, quizás no lo es. Tuve por un momento la sensación de restricción al escribir y fue por eso, porque apuesto a que piensas que tendrá que ver contigo. Esa sensación estoy dejándola atrás mientras escribo esto, me niego a no soltar palabras aquí sólo porque pienses que te escribo directamente y te provoque darle X significado a Mis palabras. *Plural*Many*

Hehe.. por último, apenas pensé en escribir esto, una solita canción se me vino a la cabeza... más perfecta imposible.

Lyrics by Carly Simon

You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?


You had me several years ago
When I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and


You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?


I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and


You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?


Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your horse naturally won
Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun
Well, you're where you should be all the time
And when you're not, you're with
Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend
Wife of a close friend, and


You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
Read On

Static

4 voices

Do you wonder a lot? Why is that some of the things I do, seem to be contradictory? Is it a weird perspective to make people think otherwise? I bet you do wonder, very often.

Do you think about my position? About what I could think of you, knowing that we don't really got to know each other? Is it just an idea of fantasy or maybe a dream you thought it could be?

Many different movements that make us pretend we know how to move these pieces, and ignoring the truth, we were crazy about each other... You came then left and came back to be gone for good and never really stood as an option for me to take, and now that it's not different, and your presence is as fake as it always was, what you provide makes me fall for your energy.

Do you wonder how people could love an invisible item? What if I had that answer? You would no fight for me. And since you were never my wall I assume to be an illusion in your space. 'Cause there's an energy that surrounds you and you can't tell where it came from... I make it fly from here.

Do you wonder about the music (U2)?
Do you wonder about the time (3:35 am)?
Do you wonder about our never real moment (back seat)?
Do you wonder about my rough position (in the stone)?
Do you know how to stop something that never even began (the sweet emotion)?

...There is no deal for you.

Lyrics by Maximo Park

Night falls and towns become circuit boards
We can beat the sun as long as we keep moving
From the air, stadium lights stand out like flares
And all I know is that you're sat here right next to me

We rarely see warning signs in the air we breathe
Right now I feel each and every fragment

This paper trail leads right back to you
You say you need me to step outside
You spent the evening unpacking books from boxes
You passed me up so as not to break a promise
Scattered polaroids and sprinkled words around your collar in the long run
Said you knew that this would happen

Well this is something new but it turns out it was borrowed too
Why does every let down have to be so thin?
Rain explodes at the moment that the cab door closed
I feel the weight upon your kiss ambiguous

You have to leave, I appreciate that
But I hate when conversation slips out of our grasp

You spent the evening unpacking books from boxes
You passed me up so as not to break a promise
Scattered polaroids and sprinkled words around your collar in the long run
Said you knew that this would happen

Two bodies in motion
This is a matter of fact
It wasn't built to last

Two bodies in motion
This is a matter of fact
It wasn't built to last

You spent the evening unpacking books from boxes
You passed me up so as not to break a promise
Scattered polaroids and sprinkled words around your collar in the long run
Said you knew that this would happen

The pounding rain continued it's bleak fall
And we decided just to write after all, after all
Read On

Sunday Feeling II

0 voices


I'll do my best not to make this such a depressive post.

A couple weeks ago, I started identifying certain sensation that made me feel like shit for no apparent reason and I would blame it on whatever was closer to me at the moment: too stressed out, too tired, lonely, etc... But none of those felt like the real reason, so I just tried not to think about it for a while... After all, that sensation only came on Sundays.

Yesterday, while looking at the selling, I tried looking for the cause of this unpleasant feeling. And what I found out made it even worst... On Sundays there's nothing I do constantly, meaning that sundays are always random, there's no activity nor routine to follow. I'm just like a bag of sand laying on my bed, listening to the same music, going in and out crappy internet stuff, and just being quiet. And the reason why I won't look for something to do on Sundays is because I do too much during the rest of the week, so I should rest on Sundays.

So, why am I not enjoying my resting time? Why do I feel so empty and anxious? I used to enjoy silence much more, and now it feels like I'm screaming inside and there's no sound coming out of me. Weird and wasted ideas come to my head and my mind is free to figure out whatever I don't allow myself to understand during my week days. But thankfully, Sundays only last 24 hours and my week always starts again...

If I could make Sundays last longer, in order to push myself to understand and figure out what' really happening... Then I might feel a little happier. Maybe I don't wanna see what's behind that big but not huge wall: after my routine there's nothing but a "sometimes filled" pocket and millions of ideas of things I'm too afraid to make happen.

.. As coward as always..

Lyrics by You Me At Six

You've seen me last night,
Working the room had their chests going tight,
I got a theory, all I need is one drink.

I've got you breathing all heavy and deep,
Gasping for air and down on your knees,
You're in love, but for as only as long as you're wanted.

You never miss a beat, but.

And you're the best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for or the ice to break.
The best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for or the ice to break.

Break down, you've always been so proud,
And just look at you now.
You're a bad smell in this room.
"And I don't wanna, I don't wanna be bad news."
"And I don't wanna, I don't wanna be bad news."
But you are, but you are.

I would walk through hell with a smile on my face.
Just so I could make my mark on the hottest place.

The best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for the ice to break.

The best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for the ice to break.

The best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for the ice to break.

And you're the best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for the ice to break.

The best kept secret, rolling off my tongue, some say you're
As easy as they come and I say, what a way for the ice to break.

(Background vocals)
Never miss a thing, noo.
Never miss a thing, noo.
Never miss a thing, noo.

What a way for the ice to break.
Read On

Five Drinks And a Season Of Surrendering (Buttons)

2 voices


People and the wonderful vision we all have of situations. Colors everywhere, movements and buttons… yes, buttons. Seeing those from a certain perspective (yep, mine), buttons are everywhere and there’re many as can be:


Start buttons:

Some might believe this, some just wont… and they should. We have the power to set things in motion. When we are sure and we trust in that power, the universe cooperates with our plan and we press the start button for situations to get created. Imagination? Heh, sure. Try it.


Pause buttons:

Once we got ourselves in this particular situation, there’re actions we might take to make things stop just for a while… you could do this to check if that place is where you really want to be, and what you’re doing is what really makes you happy. Just press pause once to analyze and press pause once more to keep on moving.


Forward buttons:

This very special button is hard to figure out and to use. It works to create possible events that might happen or not during your very unique and fun walk (yep, The situation). Some people don’t understand the magical power of this pretty button and might not give the proper use to it. It’s not easy to get conclusions from very personal ideas. But the button is there waiting to be pressed.


Rewind buttons:

One of the buttons people enjoy the most. But a button that can’t really maintain the sensations or feelings the person experiments during certain events. You go through this situation and after time passes by you press this button to live it again in your head, but with time the effect fades and it’s necessary to go find some other situations… or the way to recreate that one you enjoyed so much.


Slow motion buttons:

One of my favorites and only real if your imagination is as big as it can be. Situations could be so perfect, fun or right that time could be pushed aside for it is invisible and can’t control our motions. This button of magical power that can give us the great sensation of some high emotion, enjoying for longer that rush of events that got started.


Stop buttons:

Very effective if they’re used the correct way. People tend to use this button very often and they regret doing it after a short break of reality, it’s an emergency stop for those situations that might get out of control, got to big to handle, it has been wasted or as simple as “this is not making me happy anymore!!!!”. After this button is pressed the situation won’t ever come back as it was before.


Kind of cold to associate real living situations with this particular way of thinking (using these buttons) but when things are under control, your imagination can transform into whatever you want. And for me… this process has become in something so easy, amazing, magical and perfect that I just can’t help share it with you all.


Lyrics by Hey Mercedes

monday
this is what you're up against
your head rings to the rhythm of the alarm
clock time in breathe in time out breathe out
i doubt that this is what you're all about
tuesday
this is what you're up against

the television and your version of aversion
the car the candy and the shower curtain
blurting out the answers
you didn't even ask for
but it's bound to get better
it better
slow motion replay
day in day out
we came all this way now
we'll fire up just to push them down
hello
human, we've got a little problem here
us babies need to back up to the base or
do you want to fake it
kiss it just to taste it
a door in the face or
a face on the floor
well
tonight
this is what i'm up against
five drinks and a season of surrendering
come out come out we all give up
got too tough and enough is enough
wait i can see
our selves set free
the sound and the string and
you and me
slow motion replay
day in day out
we all came this way now
we'll fire up just to push them down
i can't wait to see you wait
wait i can see
our selves set free
the simmering sea and
you and me
Read On

Dimensions

0 voices


Si antes he escrito aqui sobre excusas, siempre ha sido para darle cierto sentido de bases sólidas en las cuales descansan muchas de nuestras acciones. Pero como bien aprendemos en nuestra sociedad, las excusas no son vistas como razones de peso, sino mas bien como mentiras inyectadas en esas decisiones para no tener que explicar mucho... o para evitar la culpa de decisiones que Sabemos, no son las mas adecuadas.

Pero somos todos adultos, decidimos y aprendemos a vivir con las decisiones tomadas... Somos (heh) lo suficientemente inteligentes como para entender que no existen distintas definiciones para lo que debe ser considerado malo o bueno dentro de los conocidos contextos, y las reglas por las cuales vivimos. Pero, como siempre lo he expuesto, cada quien da un valor agregado muy diferente a cada acción y decisión; lo único que va dentro de un acuerdo mundial es el hecho de que las decisiones sólo se viven, no se reviven.

Las consecuencias son nefastas, y nunca positivas. Las decisiones son, o deben ser, esas bases sobre las cuales apoyar futuras decisiones... no excusas baratas de nuestro rumbo o la forma en la cual recorremos ciertos caminos. El asunto esta en las dimensiones que cada quien es capaz de darle a esa idea, tanta inteligencia y tanto razonamiento contenido en pequeñas cabezas que andan por alli conectándose cada vez con más y más perspectivas.

Lo importante en sí de este post no es ponerse muy profundos en el tema, pero si hacer ver la importancia de las dimensiones que le damos a las decisiones tomadas; depende siempre de un punto de vista interno y no externo. Son plantadas en nuestro camino y se manejan entre razones, excusas, dudas y buenas/malas intenciones... siempre y cuando se disfrute lo realizado y los colores guíen las ideas.

Lyrics by Oasis

Take the time to make some sense
Of what you want to say
And cast your words away upon the waves
Bring them back with Acquiesce
On a ship of hope today
And as they fall upon the shore
Tell them not to fear no more
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...

Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know --
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't let you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan

I'm not saying right is wrong
It's up to us to make
The best of all things that come our way
And all the things that came have past
The answer's in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
Down life's endless corridor
Say it loud and sing it proud
And they...

Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know
What is gonna be
Please brother let it be
Life on the other hand won't let you understand
Why we're all part of the masterplan
Read On

Chromatic Vision

1 voices

Here we go. As I said before, it will remain.

If I'm still right about certain things, I believe my shadow is going around there still and I feel there're some things I need to write here. For those that come looking for something they don't know they just lost.

People have missions in their lives. We all come to this world to do something and to perform in a certain way, most of us need some time to figure it out and some others just get it very fast. Those that understand their mission are people that can give a lot of themselves to others and know exactly how to manage their abilities as missionaries.

This is not about my mission, 'cause I pretty much know what it is. But about someone's mission that keeps on taking space and energy from my mind; a mission that I've loved and hated for all I've known it. A mission of ideals and perspectives that I tried to understand as much as I could, but a mission that endend with my resignation to that commitment. You and your ideal of changing people.

For what I could study, and knowing you as much as I did/do I can say I know exactly what it means, that mission of reinventing perspectives for others. If there's something good about your mission is that you have that ability to observe others, an ability that no one else has. And you can get to know other people very deep and quickly, how? I don't know and I stopped wondering a long time ago. But still, I've always felt that it's difficult for you and that ability to function properly, if you try to get your mission done.

It's being right about something but knowing when to interfere and when to step aside. 'Cause if your mission is to show people how good they can be, then you need to step in and make some actions so words could become facts. Changing people based on what you think is better for them could be considered pretty selfish and as for me, I would say it is selfish indeed based on this: how can you define what's best for people if you are not the one that define their priorities? What happened in my case was similar, there were things you thought I could change or do better, but for me they were just fine and I was happy with the way I was living my life, but that was never enough for you.

I get frustrated sometimes, thinking about this... not for me, but for you. I feel it's a waste for some people the fact that you have so much to offer and the channels are never right or willing to make it pass. And for you, that refuse to understand that your vision of people doesn't always have to be right or correct. If you could just forget about inviting people to your plane and just enjoy your ride, things might be better for you.

Why am I writing all this? just because as much as I died and came back to life... You mission for me still remains and I can't help waiting for other things to happen in your life. Stop expecting too much from others, you do pretty well expecting a lot from yourself and that should be enough.

P.S.: don't get confused on the lyrics.. yeap you, no, not you. These are for you.

Lyrics by Alanis M.

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my prot¨¦g¨¦ and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me
I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?
what with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body

Ooh this could be messy and
Ooh I don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime
Read On

Lies Lies Lies

2 voices

De vez en cuando muy necesarias, pero estructuralmente tan complejas.

Existe un patrón común en todas las personas, y no es en si mentir... sino en las razones para mentir. Aún cuando existen varias excusas, todas se basan en algo circunstancial: inseguridad.

Mentimos por nosotros, por otros, por ideales, por acciones, por objetos, por situaciones, pero siempre mentiras guiadas por inseguridad, inseguridad de aceptar ciertas realidades. Así que nos resulta más fácil mentir que armarnos de fuerzas y abrir nuestras mentes para aceptar cambios necesarios que se vienen queramos o no.

Se acumulan las mentiras, como piezas de lego una sobre la otra, encajando perfectamente y pareciendo ser lo suficientemente fuertes como para no caer; pero no se ha calculado aún la duración del efecto de dichas mentiras. Eventualmente caen, y somos expuestos a afrontar situaciones que pensamos estaban bien ocultas, elevadas en esas piezas tan falsas. Nuestro ambiente de pronto parece cambiar y es momento de afrontar nuestra realidad.

Pero mientras, seguimos acumulando mentiras pequeñas o más grandes... Mentiras que nos ayudan a seguir la corriente mientras arrastramos sin saber una carga de verdades, que en cierto punto del camino se cansarán de ir como equipaje, y querrán ser manifestadas. Porque somos capaces de creernos ese bienestar sólo porque nuestro inconsciente conoce las consecuencias de traer al frente esas mentiras.

Mentimos y hacemos de esas mentiras realidades diarias, que parecen convertirse en parte de nuestro entorno. Tanto es el tiempo que podemos pasar con esa mentira sobre nuestro costado que se ve distorcionada nuestra realidad, tanto así es el poder que se puede llegar a tener cuando simplemente nos negamos a aceptar algo. Nos mentimos y nos tragamos nuestras mentiras.

Asi que, aún cuando se este limitando más el espacio para respirar al acumular o agrandar tanto ciertas mentiras, se mantiene la realidad lo suficientemente falsa como para disfrutar de esas estructuras, porque si se decide destapar ciertas mentiras, esa realidad cambiaría por completo, y algunos simplemente no están listos para verse reflejados en sus propias verdades.

Lyrics by Nickelback

Well you can dig me up a grave
And try and stick me in the ground
Well you can tie me to the bed
And try and beat me half to death
But you can never keep me down
Well you can stick me in a hole
And you can pray all day for rain
You can shoot me in the leg
Just to try to make me beg
And you can leave me there for days

And I’ll stay alive
Just to follow you home
And I will survive
‘Cause you’re my Mississippi Princess
You’re my California Queen
Like the Duchess of Detroit
And every city in between
You can slap me in the face
You can scream profanity
Leave me here to die alone but
I’ll still follow you home
I’ll still follow you home

You can make a couple calls
And tell your brothers I’m in town
Put a bounty on my head
And tell my parents that I’m dead
And hope to hell I’m never found
You can steal me the keys
To your daddy’s Cadillac
Well you can tamper with the brakes
Call it a mistake
And pray I’m never coming back

And I’ll stay alive
Just to follow you home
And I will survive
‘Cause you’re my Mississippi Princess
You’re my California Queen
Like the Duchess of Detroit
And every city in between
You can slap me in the face
You can scream profanity
Leave me here to die alone but
I’ll still follow you home
I’ll still follow you home

You can dig me up a grave
And try and stick me in the ground
You can tie me to the bed
And try and beat me half to death
But you can never keep me down

And I will survive
‘Cause you’re my Mississippi Princess
You’re my California Queen
Like the Duchess of Detroit
And every city in between
You can slap me in the face
You can scream profanity
Leave me here to die alone but
I’ll still follow you home
Read On

If I Had An Airplane

6 voices

Primeramente le pondría nombre, porque como tener un 'artefacto' y no nombrarlo; sería George, y se convertiría en mi mejor aliado para la mayor aventura a punto de ser recorrida.

Comenzaría por cruzar el océano para llegar a Tenerife y retomar momentos de incesables conversaciones sobre temas ya memorizados entre los cuales estarían las mejores experiencias vividas de colegio, pasando un momentos maravillosos mientras retomo gratos recuerdos de mi vida con dos niñas extremadamente especiales para mi. Un viaje que jamás sería suficiente por todas las cosas que se inventarían.

Luego iría a un lugar muy lejos de casa pero tan cerca de mi, un sitio llamado Isarael que jamás pensé visitaría, pero que es increiblemente necesario hacerlo. Allí me encontraría por primera vez con un gigante con corazón de oro que se ha convertido en una de las personas más importantes en mi vida, a través de comunicaciones neutras sin encuentros algunos. Nos iríamos a comprar botellas de vino para luego echarnos en algún parque a hablar de la vida como se que no hablaría con nadie mas... Decir adios sería increiblemente difícil luego de tan intensa visita.

Regresando a mi continente haría una parada en Panama, y pasaría unos días divirtiéndome y riendo hasta que me duela el vientre compartiendo historias, chistes y pesadas bromas con el mejor companero de viaje que podría pedir. Nos iríamos a bailar hasta que nos duelan los pies y haríamos planes para viajar por todo el mundo pasando frío o calor, reclamándole que a veces no sabe donde esta.. O dirvirtiéndome mientras nos burlamos de tantas cosas. Despedirme sería muy triste...

Luego regresaría a Europa un par de días, para hacer una visita en Italia, donde una persona extremadamente especial me recibiría para tener las conversaciones más profundas o banales que se pueden tener sobre situaciones existenciales, mientras conmemoro mis bases en gustos musicales escuchando Hey Mercedes, Brandtson (lo viejo), Jimmy Eat World, The Appleseed Cast, Bloc Party, Death Cab For Cutie, Liars Academy, Incubus y muchos otros. Una persona que ha sabido mantenerse cerca después de tantos años y a la cual despediría con una gran sonrisa.

Volando de regreso a Venezuela, haría una parada en Caracas (cuidado! jaja) y estacionaría a George un rato porque son varias las visitas en esta ciudad. Primero iría a buscar un chivito algo viejo pero lleno de amor, de esos que puedes guardarlo en la nevera y morderlo un poco todos los días sin nunca acabarse o ponerse malo... Alguien increiblemente especial que al venir y leer esto, reirá casi tanto como yo rio cada vez que decide alegrarme el día. Nos iríamos a algun sitio donde comer rico y reirnos toda la tarde.

Luego cierta canción me conduciría a una persona que recientemente se ha hecho espacio en esta caja de gente tan especial mia, pasaríamos un rato asombrándonos como pareciera que estuviésemos hablando un lenguaje que nadie más comprende al conversar sobre temas tan compartidos. Nos sentaríamos un martes escuchando Trapt y quizás una que otra canción vergonzosa (Ruleta) mientras escucho todas esas formas de pensar que dan tanto color a mis perspectivas. Luego de reir un poco diría adios y le haría prometer tocar su guitarra más seguido.

Buscaria a una persona con la cual me encanta hablar y la invitaria a hacernos un desayuno de esos que ninguna de las dos sabe preparar y al ver que nada sale bien, otra loquita vendria a salvarnos haciendo unas arepitas (la mejor companera de juego!), quizas escuchando frou frou o hablando paja. Al despedirme diria: Ana cuando vuelves? Por que no te mudas?

Justo antes de partir de esta ciudad, una forma de vida que conocí hace un tiempo me llevaría hacia una persona increiblemente desconocida, pero tan familiar. Una caja musical que transformó por completo mi sentido de la audición sumándole bases y nuevas fuerzas internas que desconocía, un stranger que aporta compañía de la forma más ausente posible. Do It Alone sonaría, iniciando una lista de reproducción infinita que haría honor a tan divertida forma de “estar bien”, creando un Soundtrack de perspectivas mientras conversamos sobre todas aquellas cosas en las cuales no coincidimos, refutando cada idea o cada frase... Cuanto hará la suma de 11 + 7?

Retomando a George me iría al norte. Donde visitaría tres mujeres increiblemente maravillosas; dos de ellas con las cuales pude convivir por unos meses y me apoyaron en momentos difíciles, dos locas que se convirtieron en personas muy especiales para mi. Y otra que ha sido parte de mi vida desde hace ya tiempo y que logra mantenerse cerca de mi con sus ocurrencias, loqueras, ventas, ideas y siempre buenas energías para todo. Lo más probable es que las 4 nos vayamos a algún sitio a tomar algo de licor hasta desmayarnos, escuchando canciones memorables para cada quien: Everybody's Changing, I Love You Baby y la peor de todas... la del burro jajaja. Decir adiós sería muy triste pero siempre disfrutando el haber compartido momentos de loqueras con las tres.

Ya luego regresaría a casa, guardaría a George en una gaveta y seguiría con mi realidad de siempre... Procurando retomar el viaje al menos una vez al año :)


Lyrics by Relient K

I'm so tired of the phone, baby
I don't like the tone
of the way we say "I love you"
a thousand times.
We say those words but we can't look into each other's eyes.

Oh, and I guess we made it,
or at least we made it this far,
and it all looks smooth from here.
Oh, and in a future day there may be ways
but I must say, the skys have never looked so clear.
Oh, and I guess we made it,
'cause it ain't far to go from here.

I'm so tired of the road, baby,
Driving through the snow
Just maybe, you'll sit back,
Think about the times when we said those words
and we looked into each other's eyes.
Oh, and I guess we made it,
or at least we made it this far,
and it all looks smooth from here.
Oh, and in a future day, there may be ways
but I must say, the skys have never looked so clear.
Oh, and I guess we made it,
'cause it ain't far to go from here.

You have given me a heart attack, you'll never know
What it's like to have to face the fact you might let go
And I won't stand for any thought of that, Heavens no.
'Cause I will cling to you and always have a stronger hold.

Oh, and I guess we made it,
or at least we made it this far,
and it all looks smooth from here,
Oh, and in a future day there may be ways
but, I must say the skys have never looked so clear to me, baby.
Oh and I guess we made it,
'cause it ain't far to go from here
Read On

Versions Of Emotion

4 voices


En la espera de esta entrada número 300 de mi blog, estuve reflexionando mucho sobre el camino recorrido hasta ahora... Han sido tres años de pequeñas explosiones de información, cada una cargada de melodías, sensaciones e increibles combustibles para avanzar constantemente.

Recuerdo uno de los primeros post llamado Mi Zahir, en el cual establecí por primera vez mi objetivo con este blog; algunos que han estado leyéndome desde el comienzo probablemente lo conozcan, pero hoy con esta entrada #300 vuelvo a hacer constar: aqui cuento mi historia.

Aún cuando el tiempo y cada post ha cambiado increiblemente mi visión con respecto a Todo, el propósito sigue intacto. Poco a poco, pieza a pieza, palabras a palabras, imagen a imagen y música a música voy armando mis segmentos de vida... Reflexionando sobre hechos y creando perspectivas que otorgan colores a mi diaria visión del mundo.

Huellas que me han ayudado a soltar partes de mi, mientras logro conectar gente a mi alrededor con lo aqui expresado. Personas que regadas por alli vienen y leen encontrando preguntas para sus respuestas, vagas y perdidas en tiempos y espacios similares. Porque sentimos tan parecido, aqui propongo un panorama de entendimiento al deshacerme de rastros de historias que podrían carcomerse la esencia de quien soy.

"tu manera de escribir es pura y la de expresar tus sentimientos se hace mágica y transparente en cada palabra que vas expresando... escribir te hará crecer y ser cada día más segura de ti, siempre y cuando creas en todo lo que escribes" .. Palabras de una persona muy importante para mi, que esta noche me hacen reflexionar en la importancia de este espacio y esta caja de emociones tan mias.

Porque huellas he dejado, transformando y dándole millones de significados a las distintas palabras, que se prestan para tan frágil y sutil fin. Mi historia regadada en tantas cajas que mi depósito no tiene forma alguna... Acá vengo, y mis sentidos me guían hacia las respuestas obtenidas, y ese paso arriba que doy al hacer explotar cada entrada en este blog.

300 formas de expresión, robando y otorgando perspectivas de aquellos que brindan a mi mente el maravilloso enganche con la realidad. Personas que han sido parte de esta liberación y que han conspirado en la realización indirecta de esta historia; ciertos sujetos que han logrado establecer raices en mis cimientos, integrando especiales herramientas a mi forma de soltar historias, al mismo tiempo que forman parte de ella.

... Aún hay tanto por contar... Y el propósito sigue intacto.

Lyrics by Trapt - Victim

Let me play
I've been dying to let you in
It's all I wanna be
So won't you take it from me
I wonder why the less I get the more I give
It's all I wanna be
So won't you take it from me

I want your eyes
I want your eyes on me
I want your eyes
I want your eyes on me
I want your eyes
I want your eyes to see
I want someone to notice me

I wanna be your new victim
I wanna be your new victim

No regrets... even if it's all I get
It's all I wanna be
So won't you take it from me
It still hurts
It's never easy to forget
Do I wanna be
well you never asked me

I want your eyes
I want your eyes on me
I want your eyes
I want your eyes on me
I want your eyes
I want your eyes to see
I want you to notice me

I wanna be your new victim

I'm right here
So come and get me!

I wanna be your new victim

Read On

Reflected Fear

4 voices

When it comes to feelings and sensations, people always tend to classify them in certain categories. If it's happiness the push it to the corner of nice and good emotions but there's also the side for bad and unpleasant emotions, fear is one of them.

People is used to hate fears and blaming them for many actions we do or we don't do. People blame fear for our lack of motivation to do certain things and it has been that way forever. Many years ago fears were bigger and more realistic... People would fear for the things they didn't know (as it is now but with a different twist) such as natural fenomenons, stars, the sun, storms, the rain... but now days people fear themselves and the way they think. How come we are all afraid of ourselves? does that make any sense at all?

If you ask a phychologist they might have an answer based on theory, but for real people, people that have learned how to manage fear... the answer is simple and real: fears exits for us to feel, if there's no fear at all we would not be able to enjoy other sensations the way we do, such as joy, freedom, excitement, proud, happiness, etc. It's because of fear that we appreciate those emotions.

And for those that don't know this yet, fears develop from the projections of ourselves; the way you see yourself will determinate what fears you have and which ones you are expressing to others. And unconsciously those characteristic we don't like about ourselves will be reflected in our fears. I see myself as a very lonely person, then I fear I will stay alone for good, see where I'm going?

Many fears that people don't see where they're coming from and try to solve them by looking forward... it can only work if you look backwards to connect the dots that where left after your actions. You can only become a certain type of person by the actions you implement in your life and those can only manifest when you know who you are. Is in those moments when fears get created. Fears of not trusting, of not understanding, not expressing or not receiving... if we take a look inside ourselves we would find many answers laying beside those fears.

Fears cannot be deleted, but they can help us understand why we expect some things or why we have certains perspectives; it's only when you get to know your fears, that you really know who you are.

Lyrics by Trapt

You must have pulled the trigger
Your eyes give you away
The gun in your hand's still smoking
You don't have to take the blame
You have to do what you have to do
You know I'd never judge you
Still time to close those eyes
Forget what happened, forget you lied


Put the mask back on
Put the mask back on
Don't take it off 'till everybody's gone

Put the mask back on
Put the mask back on
Never a disguise as ever lasted so long

Cover Up
Cover Up
Don't let them see the real you
If your secrets cast aside me
All those rumours might just end up being true


You're free to do what you want
You never though of consequences
You created your own little world
Where you could always beat a friend
A place where the rules do not apply
You could never be denied
You took advantage of a good think
Now the void you filled is empty


Put the mask back on
Put the mask back on
Don't take it off 'till everybody's gone

Put the mask back on
Put the mask back on
Never a disguise as ever lasted so long

Cover Up
Cover Up
Don't let them see the real you
If your secrets cast aside me
All those rumours might just end up being true

Cover Up
Cover Up
Don't question anything you do
You have always get decoyed
But your conscience hunts you
Every time you choose


Does anyone, ever reach down to you?
Does anyone, ever seen your real face?
Does anyone, know what you've been doing?
Does the one we used to know fades away?

Cover Up
Cover Up
Don't let them see the real you
If your secrets cast aside me
All those rumours might just end up being true

Cover Up
Cover Up
Don't question anything you do
You have always get decoyed
But your conscience hunts you
Every time you choose

Read On

I Carry You In My Pocket

4 voices



Is not that I'm alone, but I feel lonely most of the time 'till reach what you provide.

Long and eternal days that consume me, changing cassettes every period of my day to move on the wave that's happening. During the morning, afternoon, evening and midnight... And how good it feels to know that even when you're not real, I can reach you and I'm not lonely anymore.

Every single event of my times I reach you and share the rush of emotions that gets created... Wherever I go, no matter what I'm doing I know I can reach you.. So close that my hand doesn't need to make a big effort. I carry you in my pocket.

Since you got yourself in there, you've been something different for the world, and the sensations that got created will keep you save in here. You won't ever come out or become real, but while I need it you'll provide it... It became natural for you to find company right here in my pocket, and I will carry you just to make our days yellow and with different perspectives.

Lyrics by Kids In Glass Houses

very day I wake up
My pillows made up
I'm tired of always following you around
You're such a fake
And when you meet your maker
I know he's gonna beat you down to the ground

Do you remember me at all?
I can't help feeling like I'm talking to the wall
Do you remember me at all?
Cause they've got my picture up in all my family's halls

So we don't see eye to eye anymore
And no we don't see wrong from right like before

Na na na na

The moves and the shakes
That fill these papers
I'm tired of always following them around
You're a heart breaker
An undertaker
I know you're gunna place me into the ground

Do you remember me at all?
I can't help feeling like I'm talking to the wall
Do you remember me at all?
Cause they've got my picture up in all my family's halls

So we don't see eye to eye anymore
And no we don't see wrong from right like before

Na na na na
Read On

Sunday Feeling

2 voices

It started on Sunday and just today I've been able to define it. I was angry at something I didn't really understand where it came from or where it was going... But now I know that what made me so mad was the fact that my pieces were moved without permission.

Not only for me, but i'm sure for everybody... there're pieces of work functioning around us at all times and they work together to maintain us standing. I talk about people, people that come to be part of our sceneries and stay for long long time giving and taking perspectives, sensations, feelings and experiences. My pieces always fit right in and I learn to love my big puzzle with them in it.

But as people that they are, they have also their own puzzles and it happens that the actions made in theirs could not match with mine… They could make decisions that affect directly my situations and it gets to a point where I can't help losing those pieces. For this time of my life I've lost some of my pieces but I've always felt that the really big ones and important were here with me still... but badly for me, some pieces have been moved and an era has finally ended.

This particular piece has been attached to my life for almost 7 years and it has been a relationship that suffered the biggest amounts of changes as stations... from one thing to the other we became great friends, and now that the final change has been written, I feel sad for what that history meant. Not as a complete goodbye, but as the fact that I can't pretend to keep my pieces here with me and control them... they have their own power to move as well, they have a life on their own. And by moving they could either leave me or change the position they once had.

As for tonight, I'm sadly happy for the wonderful memories and eternal fantasies I put together in this blue and musical box, knowing that I'm grateful for what it meant and what will come from now on... as you said let's not see this as an end, but as a new beginning.

Lyrics by Alanis M.

Me, and my helmet such an un-conventional kid
All intense and kinetic, at best tolerated from afar
Not yet arrested, and by that I mean betrothed
Though a start I am newly courted
I've just not been trusted with alters

I'm a sweet piece of work, well intentioned yet disturbed
Wrongly label-ed and under-fed, treated like a rose as an orchid

My friends, as they weigh in, get understandably protective
They have a hard time being objective
So inside we cancel each other out

I'm a sweet piece of work, well intentioned and unloved
Unlabeled and misunderstood, treated like a rose as an orchid

You've brought water to me, making sure my bloom rebounds
You know best of what my special care allows

So I've lived in my blind spot
Thought myself usual when I'm not
And your garden is a nice spot
As long as it is brave and where you are

For this sweet piece of work, high maintenance and deserted
I've been different and deserving, treated like a rose as an orchid
Sweet piece of work, overwhelmed un-observed
I've been bowed down to but so misread
Treated like a rose as an orchid
Read On

Me In A Frame

3 voices


As I enjoy doing, I give people a special photo of myself... That contains exactly what their last perception of me provided them. Decorated with specific details and unique colors.

Each photo is different and is made especially for each person that will receive it. For memories of myself can get only be develop as that impression they get. All those that left my road, took a picture in a frame as a memory of that last view, that last speech, that last sensation, that last thoughts and that last touch. It's me in a frame for them.

I prepare myself specially for the moment I'll be frozen in paper then stocked in time and in their minds for the rest of their lifes. As they see me, they'll remember that photo which represents what the said goodbye to and who I was when we went in different directions. Some could keep that photo near and some would just make it disapear but what they can't help is to have it recored in their heads forever, as that special picture won't fade so easily.
If the photo gets created it means there was a bond stong enough to discover and that there was a memory to discover, frozen in time and in space. Me in a frame for them to remember how the think they should.

Lyrics by Pinback (non-photo blue)

She's posting all the time, but the boards are down.
It's a burned out building.

He's spending all this time on his back.
Staring at the ceiling.

They spared themselves that way
I'm with that. I'm with them.

You aren't. You're alive, dammit.
Gnawing on the prey.
I think about you, some.

Where to put you?
All the backed up data for a raining time.

Insulate a fragile mind.
Capsulize a broken find.

Don't do this, man.
There's another one off behind.
Breaking down the door without... warning.

She just ignores the time that the boards came down.
It's a numbed out feeling.

He just accepts that pain with a hate mantra.
A spiritual killing.

They just relax that way.
I'm with that. I'm with them.
You aren't. You're alive, dammit.

Crayon past line. Stay after school.
Crossword filled in non-photo blue.
So they'll never find you.
Can't go through this now.

I'm leaving a message.
Stapled on your head.

SHHAA......I get the same result.
We get the same effect.
Read On

Mystic

1 voices


It's sad that it can't last longer than that short period of time. But while we have it we can only take the biggest advantage of it. The only fact of not knowing someone can make your imagination grow beyond well-known limits.

The mystery that gets created between people when they start knowing each other, if they could just hold on to that we all would be much happier... But eventually we'll get to know each other well enough to use that information and fill certain holes we made out of fun doubts, doubts that before you fill them your imagination enjoys by giving many different and entertaining answers.

That mystic that can makes us fall in love with little details but the person itself, many different times and continuously, having infatuations is the greatest thing ever and the reason is that it represents a magical wow factor as a bomb tick tack... it won't be long until explodes. Just then that Wow Factor can only be fun for a while 'cause is nothing but all the wrong reasons for us to wish someone to be with us, just because it was the first thing that caught our attention and the same reason why we can't help wanting that someone.

Physicals, ways of thinking, movements, life-goals, money, type of people, job, friends, taste, etc.. There are millions of reasons for everyone to say "I want him/her". Is that wow factor objective? No it's not, but is definitely the thing that we hold on to, in order to investigate if that someone represents the right choice or we'll enjoy that mystic 'till it fades.

For me infatuations keep me alive and as long as I can, I'll enjoy them to the extreme.

Lyrics by Sugarcult

I can't take it
It's just a paycheck
Making arrangements to burn it to the ground
I can't fake it
When nothing's sacred
Making arrangements to burn it to the ground

And beauty lies in the ignorant
With the sound of selling out to the innocent

I can't save us from the outside
I can't take it, what I'm told
You can't stop it
It just started
Dead living on the radio
I can't save us from the outside

I can't take it
I won't cooperate
Making arrangements to bury it in the ground
I can't fake it
This station
Is going under, so I'll bury this in the ground

And beauty lies in the ignorant
With the sound of selling out to the innocent

I can't save us from the outside
I can't take it, what I'm told
You can't stop it
It just started
Dead living on the radio
I can't save us from the outside

I can't take it
It's just a paycheck
Making arrangements
I can't take it
It's just a paycheck
Making arrangements

I can't take one more day all for I am done
I can't bend, this must end, counting back from 3, 2, 1

I can't save us from the outside
I can't take it, what I'm told
You can't stop it
It just started
Dead living on the radio
I can't save us from the outside

I can't save us
You can't take us
No one gets out alive
I can't save us
You can't take us
No one gets out
Read On

Define Me Define You

3 voices


There's no need to say that no one can never know someone else completly. Said that I'll write here about how well people know each other and how they develop a very weird tendency of changing the perspective they have of people. (I can read your mind right now, so stop and read)

I can say that there're certain someones I know very well, meaning that I can pretty much always predict their reactions, understand their sensations and know this special language to speak to them. We all do that, knowing it or not... here's when things get messy, in that process of organizing friends we know very well, we might define them through our very personal perspective without counting theirs in, see my point?

Sure we can know someone well enough to share our perspective to them, of the things they represent or what kind of person they are. But it's sort of subjective sometimes, depending on what level we have that person standing on... As we all know, expectations can be a very nice reason for disappointment since we might expect something from that person just because we have redefined them.

Those who know me, always tend to do that... No exceptions. They start receiving information from me and as soon as they put me in a certain level, they define who I am for them, sometimes according with my defination of myself or not. I have no idea why they expect so much from me, I understand that is all for good but it happens that some of my actions might not be correct for their concept of me, and well I guess I let them down... but does that mean I should feel guilty?

I know there's a reason for everyone to do this, redefine people they know and that we want to mantain our certain someones in those levels, but when we don't agree with their actions it's neccesary to wonder before moving them from their spaces... It's only when we expect too much when we get more disappointed.

I know who I am, you know me and they know me also... And all of you know that there's no need to redefine Ana, if you still hold on to me it means that you're fine with my own defination of myself... Not everybody can say I call them my very special someones, I've made no mistakes with you and the levels you own.

Lyrics by You Me At Six

You've been looking at me like you've got something to say
You got flaws in your step, you're miles away from anything a-a-a-anyway.
Lets get to the point, the words that fell off your lips, didn't mean anything; they didn't mean shit, to you or him.

But tonight, but tonight, we will be alright; yes the champagne is on ice for you and I.
And oh right and oh right, oh we will be alright, because we've got it all, and all thats left inside. Let's just keep on talking.

I smell your scent on my skin and the clothes that I wear, it's a thought in my head and I can't shake it, of you and him. Sh-sh-sh-shake it
I am at the party too, I am in the room next to you, with your back to the door and your ear to the floor, and you were desperate.

But tonight, but tonight, we will be alright; yes the champagne is on ice for you and I.
And oh right and oh right, oh we will be alright, because we've got it all, and all thats left inside. Let's just keep on talking.

Don't let me down, and don't let me down.
And don't let me down, yeah don't let me...
Don't let me down.

But tonight, but tonight, we will be alright; yes the champagne is on ice for you and I.
And oh right and oh right, oh we will be alright, because we've got it all, and all thats left inside. Let's just keep on talking.
Read On

Emergency Contact

4 voices


If there's something that identify us as unique kind of human beings, is the fact that in a very emotional way we leave marks in other people. As frames in our emotional brain.

Some people can leave bigger marks than others, but what's important to understand is that it's not an ability we all have or learn how to develop, it comes with they way we are and it can't be changed or managed.

It's a very interesting investigation to find out what kind of mark we leave and for me, it has been a roller coaster since I remember I knew what all this meant. There has been people coming in and out of my life; I recently found out the way to classify them all... The ones that are here still and the ones that are gone for good.

Those who see themselves close to me or attach to me for some reason, are the people that felt my mark deeper than others, and I know exactly who they are and what I mean for them, and maybe the reasons why the don't leave... All this is not something I think about and regard myself feeling superior, it's the opposite: I just feel I can't reach them right so it can be called a friendship.

People can come and connect themselves to me taking all they need and I feel ok leaving my mark, but then I'm left alone once more... 'Cause (what this is all about) no one can keep their marks in me long enough by staying beside me the way it should... It works like a gas station and I just don't know how to handle it.

I feel attached to some "certain someones" and I feel they don't have a clue, which is why (maybe) I don't get exactly what I need from them... not only the great sensation of leaving my mark but for them to know that I need it to... After all and no matter what, they're my emergency contacts.

But as I said before, I'm still looking for the correct way to make it better... The thing is that (as strange as it sounds) is out of my hands. So I'll just consider some my best friends and some my greatest enemies while living this connections and knowing who we are for each other better than you.

Lyrics by Kids In Glass Houses

And I wish I could sleep
But I'm tired, down, dirty in these borrowed sheets
It's been a week
And I've been singing to my feet, yeah
But I won't admit defeat til
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
Will come my way
For your information
I love my demons
Cause they keep me company, yeah
I've grown to love my new routine
But on my better days
Better days, better days

Consider yourself one of my best friends
Consider yourself one of my enemies
Enemies

And I wish I could speak
We spend the last half hour in the back room
Celebrating me
And now I feel a little cheap, yeah
But I won't admit defeat til
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
It's not one of my better days
Better days, better days

Consider yourself one of my best friends
Consider yourself one of my enemies
Enemies
So Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul and make a million more
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul and make a million more

When I grow up, woah
Wanna be famous, woah
And when you grow up, woah
Will you still blame us

I wish I could see
Ive been tired, down, dirty in these borrowed sheets
It's been a bitch of a week, yeah

Saturday, saturday, saturday

Consider yourself one of my best friends
Consider yourself one of my enemies
Enemies
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul and make a million more
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul and make a million more
Read On

Selective Memory

3 voices


So many processes... It happens that our very special mind has a very interesting tool and is used to classify our memories and thoughts. We don't control it directly, we just think we do.

It's not a lie the fact that we are constantly thinking and wondering about anything, but only when we hide things right before our eyes, is when we learn how to remember... We activate our selective memory. Say what?

Our mind could be an individual besides us, meaning that we might (and are) able to play with our memories and thoughts, winning sometimes and loosing too. Easy to see when we decide to learn something just because or we want to forget something right now.

Our mind feels that command and starts selecting what memories we will hide and which ones we will contemplate for a while.. Moving in and out of the boxes. All memories are selective just because we give our mind the power to give them priority... Until is not necessary to remember anymore... Until we realize that there're memories that went to a fake box and it doesn't feel right bringing them back anymore... Until we know that memories can fade away...

In the mean time we have a process that can make us remember only the things we need to think of, knowing the reasons or not... Selective memory that has a power beyond our own wishes.

Lyrics by Senses Fail

Calling all cars we've got another victim,
'Cause my love has become an affliction,
What did you expect from me? What did you expect from me?
I'm sorry but I* THINK I failed to mention
That I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me?
Well What did you expect from me?
'Cause this has been building since I have been breathing,
And I know how it's going to end.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(But you knew all along) Try to forget me and just move on.
Oh my dear what have I gone and done now?
It's curtain call, I'm about to take my last bow.
What did you expect from me? Well what did you expect from me?
Without giving away the entire ending,
I ruined the evening again.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(But you knew all along) Try to forget me and just move on.
I don't, have love left inside, inside.
And I don't, have love left inside, inside.
Are you desperate for an answer?
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now,
Thats why I walked out.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(You hate me for it now) Try to forget me and just move on.
I am not the one that you should blame,
So take what I left you for the pain.
I am not the one that you should blame,
So take what I left you for the pain.
And do your best to forget my name.
Read On

Kamikaze

5 voices

Este será tan corto como el propósito del mismo.

Si algo es cierto es la precisión con la cual guiamos nuestros pasos en variadas estaciones del camino, para ponerlo menos intenso: somos extremadamente calculadores con una que otra idea que tenemos, solo aquellas cosas que de verdad nos interesa por cualquier cantidad de razones.

Razones que por lo general nadie logra ver como nosotros, y usamos de base aun mas sólida para plantar ese paso, queremos algo porque si y construimos lo que representa y la función que cumplirá. Por irónico que sea (cosa que yo encuentro sumamente divertida) cuando las razones no son muy asertivas que digamos, sentimos que tienen mas peso para apoyar eso que tanto deseamos; en otras palabras entre menos correcto sea, mas queremos que se de.

Porque por alguna razón que por siempre permanecerá desconocida, nos sentimos increíblemente atraídos a situaciones inapropiadas y es en esas situaciones cuando todas las razones equivocadas hacen publicidad para ser compradas, y nosotros para cumplir con eso que llaman "crecer/aprender" vamos comprando cuantas podemos... Porque quiero algo, y punto.

Muy internamente sabemos que estamos armando algo que eventualmente caerá, pero eso no nos detiene a pensar y decir "quizás sea mejor no llevarlo a cabo"... no, es mas humano seguir hasta ver como hemos estado entrenándonos para estrellarnos. Sin que podamos culpar a nada o a nadie, más que nuestros mas crudos instintos de deseo de caos y catástrofe, es lo que somos.

Pasa el tiempo, crecemos en edad y en mente siempre mejorando esa fabulosa y retorcida habilidad de construir falsos puentes que queremos nos conecten con x o y. Tan sencillo como un auto-proceso de destrucción continuo. Nunca salimos de ese ciclo y entre mas reto represente el mantener esa idea, mas perfecto es el entrenamiento; nos enseñamos a nosotros mismos el hueco donde eventualmente caeremos. Es inevitable, nadie nos empuja.

Una canción que escuche hoy, una muy vieja pero divertida caja y un recuerdo de constantes caídas... todo para terminar de escribir hoy con una linda sonrisa en mi cara... As he (T) once sang "I remember these things... they all connect"

In the pic: Ed Rivero
Lyrics by Liars Academy

It's news to me
With my head against the wall
Feeling beat
But not beaten up at all
Right now
I remember these things
That make me think about you
Right now I remember these thins
They all connect
Let me tell you how I feel
All excess bleeds through the cracks
You lie cheat and steal
And you're all used up
You lie, this time
There's a train
Derailing in my brain
Once in a while
The driver says my name.
Read On