Day 0 This comes after a movie that even from its simplicity, it increases the girls' fears about lack of consistency and it smashes the boys' ideas on how selfish a girl can really be. Before I start writing this, there's a fact about me that applies as an apropiate introduction here: whenever someone or something defines ideas or situations I live but don't quite understand, I see the beauty in it... That someone or something become wonderful for me, because it made it possible for me to put a tag on something that although I could see myself living, couldn't actually figure out. What I'm about to write here, might have the same effect on you, specially if you saw the movie. This won't be about her position, or why she acted in a certain way, if she did this or not... But about his day 0 and how incredible that "day" is. We all go through it, sooner or later, we might as well understand it and take advantage of it, or just let it pass us by... But it comes with no warning, and whenever it feels like showing up, we have no power on it, and there's no way we can get ourselves prepared for the moment that day arrives. No idea of how, but the wake up gives us the clue and makes us feel like "today there's a chance for me to leave this behind me"... Expectations come to life and see us from above, making us feel like all we wanna do is hanging on to them and float away from the shitty place where we've been for a while. Everything seems to be encouraging us, telling us that yes, today the chance is right here and with just a little push we can get ourselves up from the ground. Like taking down an old wall paper and finding out different and pretty drawings on a wall that has been here for a long time, but we were just to focused on the wall paper, not whatever was behind it or nearby. A day that may stay and last for a long while, or leave us after 24 hours, but one unique space in time where the universe smiles with irony like saying "I just felt like showing you a bunch of what might come for you tomorrow, if you decide to look to the front lazy ass" Once again, beauty on its surprise and how unexpected this day 0 acts after spending days of misery and sadness, it shows that it's possible to smile... I've had mine, many times and there's nothing else to say. The inspirational song (in a different, but nicer version): Less and Less 24 hours in a day 48 in two and so on and as more and more keep on adding, I believe less and less Against a cloud of sensations emotions and fantasy, against living stories that make me smile I believe less and less Less and less in the union Less and less in the sharing of one balanced ground Less and less in the good side of people Less and less in the non-selfish face of them Day after day, I believe less and less Because they show me so and they behave in such way... actions that hurt other people actions that hurt themselves actions done with no caring thought Against my flying beatings that make me transparent for other Against the fact that I fall in love easily I believe less and less Less and less in that commitment Less and less in people and their visions Less and less in that hope for happiness Less and less in one golden communication Less and less in one shared room. See Saw I would say it's a great concept to associate situations with, perfect because my idea fits just right and the experiences have told me so. Up, down not always in a perfect balance and not always as fun as we might think... For a reason I've noticed children seek for particular friends to play this game, and I'm sure there's no reason for me to explain it here, you all got it. Both positions could be enjoyable or not, depending on what we want from the game. For a while I believed that being on top represented the highest position in certain situations (before you wonder, yes, I do believe there's always one on top and the other one on the bottom, when it comes to feelings and expectations). But five minutes ago the whole thing changed, when I saw control coming along. On top of the see saw we don't control what happens, the rush is way more intense, we see from a different and wider point of view, more and more colors come and intensify what we feel and expectations run wild for the space given. But we don't control the time we're on top, because it depends on the one that is holding down there, all power concentrates on the one below. Down here we don't see much fantasy, realness seems to be given by how close we are from the ground. We must keep or feet well planted so the whole thing stays how it is, and expectations hang from the vision of the moment when we switch places, going to the top of the see saw. We control it, but the rush is just focused on how much strength we must provide to hold that other person on the top of this thing. A balance requires determination, and for one part to want it as much as the other one. Same perspective, same level of vision, same effort, all feet on the ground, same energy, same rush... Not negative at all, because the more we share it and feel the strenght given, the more we commit to the game. I've been on top most of the time, specially when my whole desire has been not ending up there, but then happens and as much as I know myself, I know how freaky it is not to have the control... and knowing that this person on the bottom might as well just drop it and leave it... All good games always end. But while I'm sitting there, no matter the perspective I have, I keep on repeating myself "I won't compromise this idea, I won't avoid being who I am, and acting the way I act just to seek the balance" Over and over again, I find myself in a see saw trying to enjoy before this monster of thoughts after thoughts come along and start damaging the fun... Because my sickness is to believe that this monster is what causes the whole deal, just for a small frame of time when gray tones seem to expand... and even when I know that by the end of this post, a the white shade will come back and all these words will be worthless. Believe or not... I do enjoy the not thinking, and I do like the simple plan.
Peculiar Peculiar is the way your hands curl up a bit when they're laying on a flat surface, no control in that. Peculiar the way a whisper runs out without a way of returning, no control in that. Peculiar how some sounds just match with each other and create a short story from 0, not much control in that. Peculiar their moves Peculiar their negative sense of living Peculiar the idea of realness as the enemy Peculiar this letter Peculiar how I can just type with two fingers at the time, I guess not much control in that either. Peculiar how I curl these two fingers when my feet are together resting, funny how I let go of control while staring. Peculiar the colors I wear, the image I don't understand and how for a reason they identify me, control on their side, which such beauty. Peculiar my lies Peculiar how similar my fears are Peculiar this excuse Peculiar the constant smile Peculiar how with a bunch of common stuff on a well-known grown, I evolve.
Fly Me I'm gonna get all these thoughts together, teach them how to dance and name them, one by one... Providing life to ideas that will enjoy themselves so much. I'll share a moment with them, transmiting what I feel and filling them with emotions that meet and remember, good times, old times... good episodes, great images written on wood. These thoughts will get excited about their upcoming trip, they will learn different languages and my head will stay lonely for just a few seconds... a farewell party has never been so weird. They will fly for a mission, finding him by surprise and sharing all that they've learnt... Because it is just right, when a time has ended and all the signals are telling me so, when I let them free, let them go, give them a new version of life that represents this new skin that borns in me. If I could fly with them, if I could see your face that day, if I could get a perspective from your future life, and what's coming for you... Knowing that I might not see you again, but hoping this flying thoughts make one magnificent trip and share myself with you for just one instant. Lyrics by Coldplay Scared of losing all the time
He wrote it in a letter He was a friend of mine He heard you could see your future, inside a glass of water With ripples and the rhymes And he asked, will I see heaven in mine? That is just the way it was Nothing could be better And nothing ever was, Oh they say you could see your future Inside a glass of water With riddles and the rhymes Will I see heaven in mine? Oooh,oooh, oooh I Son, don’t ask Neither how full nor empty, is your glass Cling to the mast Spend your whole life living, in the past Going nowhere fast So he wrote it on the wall The hollowest of halos Is no halo at all Televisions selling plastic figurines of leaders Saying nothing at all And your chime Stars in heaven align Son, don’t ask Neither how full nor empty is your glass, Cling to the mast Spend your whole life living, in the past Going nowhere fast What are we drinking when were done? Glasses of water Thank you (*) They get together, talk to each other and share their dusty lines… for a while they have something in common and enjoy the company. They were born for selfish purposes, but as lonely as they get… this flat and hard interaction brings back some warm to their pages. They will fight against time to keep their unique ideas strong, as brave warriors defending what an old mind one day decided to declare on it’s blank sheets. Words put together can always come back to life and provide with energy any fraction of time left behind, because I would be lost without them. Photo here Let's Play Pretend ...but let me warn you, we can never win. You can start by pretending I'm invisible and that you control my appearences in this room. I'll pretend I dig the fact that you have all control, and that somehow I won't take it from you. You can pretend I'm good with all these words, and that I always understand I'll pretend you're right, and I'm that cool gal that you can talk to and she just smiles along. So far, I'm having fun, what about you? Pretend this is just a game, and that we can write the rules to play it, pretending I don't have a hidden plan. I'll pretend this is just for the fun of it, and that in fact I have no doubts to figure out. You could pretend we are reading each others minds, because my face and motions are easily read. I'll pretend to be happy with you on that side of the table, happy without a passage to your mind. Pretend you're here just to please me, and that I do deserve what's on the menu I'll pretend not to be scared of loosing you. And after this game is over, could we go back with this load of information? could we pretend things can go on as usual?
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