Tangerine

0 voices

Just a short break of honesty and selfishness for once!
What I want... not so much and pretty simple... sheryl reminded me with emotion.

I wanna be able to sleep only if I need it.. and stay awake when I feel it's necessary. I want to brake with the nasty habit of making everyone happy and trying to be the golden coin for everyone. I wanna feel good with others hating me... to enjoy it in a very creepy way!

I want John to be the greatest friend ever as I know he can be, and to be always there for me, with his not so funny (but special) stories and his very much funny constant complaint of how awful womens are. I want him to trust me and to feel ok by speaking his mind!

I want James to stay as the greatest infatuation and to be happy forever after! I want him to get his ducks in a road and to feed this amazing emotion-relation that we have. I wanna keep on teasing each other with fun memories of wonderful times!

I really want some chocolate right now.

Me wants some extra time to be able to finish all the stuff I keep on writing down. I wanna be everywhere anytime!

I want Todd to keep on playing his guitar, but what I really want from him is to freeze this times for us... to help remain this fantastic mystic between us and to continue talking to me as much as he does. I wanna listen and fight him as many times as possible, just to laugh by the end of it.

I really want Dan, Ed, Greg and Eric to rearrange their perspectives in life and to get connected a little bit more with this freaking emotion that can change people... or maybe never listen to me again and be happy and free!

I want Terrance to be in my life for good and to face me every time he feels like it... I wanna see right through him and notice how peaceful his soul is, and how good it feels to come back home hah! I want him to be honest and to never forget who he met long long time ago.

I don't ever wanna stop writing, never stop feeling, never stop thinking, never stop analysing. I wanna keep this sensation of floating forever... I wanna keep this freedom to express myself and I want to keep on finding the clues to my story.

I just want some tangerines... So easy to want something.

P.S.: I heard the song four days ago and it made me think "what do I really wanna do, besides have some fun?".. so here... and btw, that's not it.

Lyrics by Sheryl Crow

Hit it!
This ain't no disco
It ain't no country club either
This is LA!

"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"
Says the man next to me out of nowhere
It's apropos
Of nothing
He says his name's William but I'm sure,
He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole
life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
The good people of the world are washing their cars
On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing
As best they can in skirts in suits

They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks
Back to the phone company, the record store too
Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, cause

All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Billy likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights every match in an oversized pack
Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers
before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on
the floor

And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads

Otherwise the bar is ours,
The day and the night and the car wash too
The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty
cars
The sun and the moon but
Read On

Roll It

2 voices


I'll start this one by giving a little detail about my rutine: Every single day at 10:30 am my children do seatwork with us in the classroom, just activities and games, but when it's done in paper we write the date, as record of their work... This means I write the date at least 16 times every single day, which would make it impossible for me not to know what day it is...

So today, as I turned and told Valeria "hey.. you know what day is today?" I started walking back to a special room, or as I would like to call today: my 17 room. Such a simple day but with such meaning that I couldn't really explain on my own... So until now (11:49 pm) and with the biggest headache I've ever had, I've been smiling in this room.

I didn't expect any kind of energy, even though I tried searching for some... but what I got couldn't be better: that story came back to me without permission, and it reminded me why I learnt to be happy around all these colors and all his perspectives.

Just a million things went through my head... I even did some things to commemorate the occasion (you know) and now when I'm about to go back to where I was this Clocks melody fills my ears with his emotion... for what a greatest love represents in my person. All those 17 should be as good as this one, 'cause it feels like it's my first again and I'm standing in the middle of that big room where I found the answer.

And as you come and try to find yourself in me while reading my lines, I use your words: see what I see, hear what I hear... you're always welcome in here.

Photo by Gustavo Pineda
Lyrics by Coldplay (for the second time)

Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You've put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead (singing)
Come out of things unsaid, shoot an apple off my head (and a)
Trouble that can't be named, tigers waiting to be tamed (singing)
You are, you are

Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks (gonna)
Come back and take you home, I could not stop, that you now know (singing)
Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities (am I)
A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease (singing)

You are
And nothing else compares
Oh no nothing else compares
And nothing else compares

You are
Home, home, where I wanted to go
Read On

The Dusty Side

0 voices


I guess all that comes is all that I asked for... is it?

Issues in my life are like math, simple and logical. One of the many examples is how things function around me, people, feelings, thinking, controling and expressing... all pretty simple and basic.

In this particular case what seems to be a rule is me representing a dusty side in some people's lives. As a room for some that might feel depressed, sad, lost and looking for answers; I wrote it before, they just come to me as Alice went for that white rabbit. And I've learnt to love that position I represent, for one simple reason: they need me in a certain way and I provide something for them to feel better.

I'm not gonna lie, is more the sensation of being needed what keeps me still in this position, but it has always been hard by the end of the process itself. How? Well, they seem to get better so they don't need me anymore and they get away... or what could be worst, doesn't seem to be any kind of care for what my person represents, and I just stay in that dusty side for others to come and keep on this sick kind of friendships...

For a while I thought I had the control over this ugly sensation... and I had it. But then it wasn't only one or two, it became a group of people and I just can't take it anymore. 'Cause it's not about attention, it's about how much hurt I could receive, there's only so much I can take... Only one of them has been able to change his treats towards me and I can feel the difference, I'm no longer a part of his dusty side, there's a feedback in our relationship as friends we are for each other.

For the rest, just a reminder of what kind of person I am... you should know, so there. Stop 'cause it doesn't feel good.

Lyrics by E For Explosion

Does he know all the things I say to you?
Or am I just wasting my breath on some unspoken truth?
Don't expect me to heal your wounds,
'Cause I don't wanna hear my name,
When you're alone, alone, alone again.
I just wanna feel the same, feel the same, feel the same.

'Cause if you ever go...
I don't think I'll have the strength to follow.
While I've been watching the world we think we know, fall apart.
I've been trying my best to stop asking myself what all of this is for.
'Cause I ain't in the business of saving lives anymore.

I don't think I'm ready to see,
To see the distance between actual, and eventually.
'Cause I've never really been who I was supposed to be,
'Cause all I really wanted to hear is that you feel the same,
I wanna learn to breathe again every time I hear your name.

'Cause if you ever go...
I don't think I'll have the strength to follow.
While I've been watching the world we think we know, fall apart.
I've been trying my best to stop asking myself what all of this is for.
'Cause I ain't in the business of saving lives anymore.

Would this have ever made any sense,
Tell me is it still a mistake to speak of you in the present tense?
And though your kiss still feels more like love, than it does regret.
I don't wanna hear my name,
When you're alone, alone, alone again.
I just wanna feel the same, feel the same, feel the same.

'Cause if you ever go...
I don't think I'll have the strength to follow,
While I've been watching the world we think we know, fall apart.
I've been trying my best to stop asking myself what all of this is for.
'Cause I ain't in the business of saving lives anymore
Read On