2 lines-Thought: Ready

0 voices


If I already got your storms on a list
where's our umbrella?

This time, lyrics:

Now that we are over as the loving kind
We'll be dreaming ways to keep the good alive
Only when we want is not a compromise
I'd be pouring tears into your drying eyes

Friends, lovers or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers or nothing
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up

You whisper "come on over" 'cause you're two drinks in
But in the morning, I will say goodbye again
Think we'll never fall into the jealous game?
The streets all flood with blood of those who felt the same

Friends, lovers or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers or nothing
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up

Friends, lovers or nothing
We can really only ever be one
Friends, lovers or nothing
We'll never be the in-between, so give it up
We'll never be the in-between, so give it up

Anything other than yes is no
Anything other than stay is go
Anything less than "I love you" is lying
Read On

When No Beats Yes

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There's a small percentage of my continuous thoughts that is just not satisfied; and the blame goes from mouth to mouth, transforming into several excuses everytime I ask one of my different stages why.

I know the message is out there, you don't need to convince me anymore, I assume it.. the message is pretty clear, and I carry it with me wherever I go. But the point right now is not that I need to erase that... all I want is to feel pleased with this wrong 15% of consciousness, because I do.. and it feels great.

Like if I just want pizza, or a small burger, the urge of one piece of chocolate or endless bottles of wine; to desire and to obtain, as simple as reaching out for the remote.. Seeking for some release within these channels. Because it works, and I laugh at the rational side of me when it does.

No, it's not what I really want, but for the 20 minutes I spend convincing myself I shouldn't give in, I feel like I loose life as running water. So If I want to say no for a while, and if on a good day I feel great by doing it wrong, then I will and not only you're gonna let me, you will help me get it.

In the photo: My lovely Chan
Lyrics by Alanis Morisette

if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
if I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
 
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go travelling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come
 
if I'm masculine I will be taken more seriously
if I take a break it would make me irresponsible
if i'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
if I need assistance then I must be incapable
 
i'd be filthy rich and still
it would not come
I would seduce them and still
it would not come
I would drink vodka and still
it would not come
i'd have an orgasm still
it wouldn't come
 
if I accumulate knowledge
i'll be inpenetrable
if I am aloof no one will know
when they strike a nerve
if I keep my mouth shut the boat
will not have to be rocked
if I am vulnerable I will be
trampled upon
 
i would go shopping and still
it would not come
i'd leave the country and still
it would not come
i would scream and rebel still
it would not come
i would stuff my face and still
it would not come
 
i'd be productive and still it would not come
i'd be celebrated still it would not come
i'd be the hero and still it would not come
i'd renunciate and still it would not come
Read On

Vienna

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I found something tonight, an exam from highschool in my box of stuff I keep. It was a physics exam about stuff I don't even remember anymore. But the fact that I kept that exam reminded me of something tonight; I kept it because it was the only time I felt sure about something I knew, I didn't need to study to pass it with the highest score. I actually learned something back then... But tonight when I see it, I have no idea how I was able to work that out, I can't remember a thing.

How come I forgot about something I thought I learned so well?  Even if it was nothing I would apply later on, I felt so sure about it that I kept the test 7 years later... why? to remind me about my great physics skills back in highschool? or what?

We forget, no matter what or how, we forget. Things that we wish we could still remember, we forget; things we love and treasure, we forget... Time has no mercy and it makes us forget, there's no option.

Tonight I realize that, I could forget so many important thing; things I'm so afraid to leave behind... But I do, and there's no option once I just leave them behind. And maybe instead of forgeting, I'm just assuming endings, like when I no longer cry for that movie.

Lyrics by The Fray

The day's last one-way ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual closure capturing
There goes the downpour
Here goes my fare thee well

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

Only so many words that we can say
Spoken upon long-distance melody
This is my hello
This is my goodness

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
This is the distance
And this is my game face

There's really no way to reach me
There's really no way to reach me
Is there really no way to reach me
Am I already gone?

So this is your maverick
This is Vienna
Read On

Cheater

0 voices

There's a line I like to step on, it changes when I do, and it moves around when I don't... like trying to find my feet again. When I'm on it, things move around with no trouble, life doesn't need me to react just to stay on. I'm a part of it whether I want it or not.

While standing on this line, certain ideas are thrown at me, and my hands do their best to grab them all, trying not to drop them and keeping as many as I can. Ideas that I only play with during moments like this, tonight. Besides that, they are put away.

Ideas that tell me what I want but don't come from this line I keep on walking on, because I find it easily stupid to handle the whole deal just avoiding and repeating myself the ideas will stay there for whenever I need them. So I cheat on them by coming back to the line, over and over.

Because it is not real, it never really is. Just like all those nights, where what happens gets trapped in one hard and solid moment that won't extend, like gambling without betting.

The day will come, I won't push it or tell myself there's a deadline, but I will choose the ideas over this line, holding back this reaction and way of functioning, just to see what's so interesting about that particular change.

Wal in this photo and one explanation to one song that brings sense to all this:

Read On

Tonight

0 voices


What if we stay on this side of the story?
Read On