Selective Memory

3 voices


So many processes... It happens that our very special mind has a very interesting tool and is used to classify our memories and thoughts. We don't control it directly, we just think we do.

It's not a lie the fact that we are constantly thinking and wondering about anything, but only when we hide things right before our eyes, is when we learn how to remember... We activate our selective memory. Say what?

Our mind could be an individual besides us, meaning that we might (and are) able to play with our memories and thoughts, winning sometimes and loosing too. Easy to see when we decide to learn something just because or we want to forget something right now.

Our mind feels that command and starts selecting what memories we will hide and which ones we will contemplate for a while.. Moving in and out of the boxes. All memories are selective just because we give our mind the power to give them priority... Until is not necessary to remember anymore... Until we realize that there're memories that went to a fake box and it doesn't feel right bringing them back anymore... Until we know that memories can fade away...

In the mean time we have a process that can make us remember only the things we need to think of, knowing the reasons or not... Selective memory that has a power beyond our own wishes.

Lyrics by Senses Fail

Calling all cars we've got another victim,
'Cause my love has become an affliction,
What did you expect from me? What did you expect from me?
I'm sorry but I* THINK I failed to mention
That I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me?
Well What did you expect from me?
'Cause this has been building since I have been breathing,
And I know how it's going to end.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(But you knew all along) Try to forget me and just move on.
Oh my dear what have I gone and done now?
It's curtain call, I'm about to take my last bow.
What did you expect from me? Well what did you expect from me?
Without giving away the entire ending,
I ruined the evening again.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(But you knew all along) Try to forget me and just move on.
I don't, have love left inside, inside.
And I don't, have love left inside, inside.
Are you desperate for an answer?
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now,
Thats why I walked out.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(You hate me for it now) Try to forget me and just move on.
I am not the one that you should blame,
So take what I left you for the pain.
I am not the one that you should blame,
So take what I left you for the pain.
And do your best to forget my name.
Read On

Kamikaze

5 voices

Este será tan corto como el propósito del mismo.

Si algo es cierto es la precisión con la cual guiamos nuestros pasos en variadas estaciones del camino, para ponerlo menos intenso: somos extremadamente calculadores con una que otra idea que tenemos, solo aquellas cosas que de verdad nos interesa por cualquier cantidad de razones.

Razones que por lo general nadie logra ver como nosotros, y usamos de base aun mas sólida para plantar ese paso, queremos algo porque si y construimos lo que representa y la función que cumplirá. Por irónico que sea (cosa que yo encuentro sumamente divertida) cuando las razones no son muy asertivas que digamos, sentimos que tienen mas peso para apoyar eso que tanto deseamos; en otras palabras entre menos correcto sea, mas queremos que se de.

Porque por alguna razón que por siempre permanecerá desconocida, nos sentimos increíblemente atraídos a situaciones inapropiadas y es en esas situaciones cuando todas las razones equivocadas hacen publicidad para ser compradas, y nosotros para cumplir con eso que llaman "crecer/aprender" vamos comprando cuantas podemos... Porque quiero algo, y punto.

Muy internamente sabemos que estamos armando algo que eventualmente caerá, pero eso no nos detiene a pensar y decir "quizás sea mejor no llevarlo a cabo"... no, es mas humano seguir hasta ver como hemos estado entrenándonos para estrellarnos. Sin que podamos culpar a nada o a nadie, más que nuestros mas crudos instintos de deseo de caos y catástrofe, es lo que somos.

Pasa el tiempo, crecemos en edad y en mente siempre mejorando esa fabulosa y retorcida habilidad de construir falsos puentes que queremos nos conecten con x o y. Tan sencillo como un auto-proceso de destrucción continuo. Nunca salimos de ese ciclo y entre mas reto represente el mantener esa idea, mas perfecto es el entrenamiento; nos enseñamos a nosotros mismos el hueco donde eventualmente caeremos. Es inevitable, nadie nos empuja.

Una canción que escuche hoy, una muy vieja pero divertida caja y un recuerdo de constantes caídas... todo para terminar de escribir hoy con una linda sonrisa en mi cara... As he (T) once sang "I remember these things... they all connect"

In the pic: Ed Rivero
Lyrics by Liars Academy

It's news to me
With my head against the wall
Feeling beat
But not beaten up at all
Right now
I remember these things
That make me think about you
Right now I remember these thins
They all connect
Let me tell you how I feel
All excess bleeds through the cracks
You lie cheat and steal
And you're all used up
You lie, this time
There's a train
Derailing in my brain
Once in a while
The driver says my name.
Read On

Better For Me (Unlikely)

2 voices


"No one can see it the same way through the glass"
-A.B.

Only you can draw the line that defines what's better for yourself... There will never exits that person that could have the magical power to show you the right way or the correct decision, or maybe that better person you could be. People can only give you choices, and for some of us it takes a long way to realize it for the fact that is easier to wait for someone to make it better... Well it's not like that at all.

There's help. I believe that we find help and some kind of energy contained in people or situations near us, but those can only transform into experiences when we make that decision, not because that person or situation leads us into it. Those who believe that, think twice and then see it clearly, nobody can have you do something just because... Manipulation is as big as you let it grow.

It's only when we put ourselves in inappropriate situations when we say "well I'd have to blame this..." And when we try to find the strength to get out, we think that this friend is the one that will help us. Could it be so easy? People don't understand that by giving so much power to certain someones they are just desperately looking for conexion, not real help.

But wait, do not misunderstand me I do believe in that friend's power, what I don't believe in is that lack of self-authority just because we rather lay everything on someone else's shoulders. That's why sometimes we feel so big for some people, 'cause they feel that without us they could fall... Oh dear, far from true.. Far from right.

Is not to push that special help aside, but to know that we are the only owners of our choices and decisions. That only we can define when it's time to make a change or find new perspectives. Also that we never put ourselves into bad situations followed by bad choices without really knowing what we're doing... If not, then consider yourself pretty stupid (you know you're not)

And for you, yep you... New things always feel this right... But don't forget that it's better to delay the pleasure than to eat it like candy.

Image by: Wal*
Lyrics by Trapt

Liquid courage pouring down,
sober surface hits the ground,
the masquerade has started now,
and you have faded into the crowd

How do you know?
How do you know
just who your friends are?
How do you know
when you've gone too far
to get high again?

You always feel so alone,
the real you is never shown.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under?

So much pressure to fit in,
you never know where to begin.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

Liquid courage pouring down,
sober surface can't be found,
there's no denial you can drown,
but nothing's final so turn around

How do you know?
How do you know
just who your friends are?
How do you know
when you've gone too far
to get high again?

You always feel so alone,
the real you is never shown.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

So much pressure to fit in,
you never know where to begin.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

I want this...
Do I want this?
I want this / I want this
Do I want this? / Do I want this?
I want this / I want this
Do I want this?

How do you know?
How do you know
just who your friends are?
How do you know
when you've gone too far?

You always feel so alone,
the real you is never shown.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

So much pressure to fit in,
you never know where to begin.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?
Whose influence,
whose influence, whose influence
are you under now?
Read On

Ugly Box

3 voices


For those who don't know this, I believe people organize relations in boxes. I wrote about it here before, so to give a resume: we put all our feelings-memories-sensations and things in those boxes that represent every single relationship we've had, friends and lovers.

It happens that we keep those boxes closed for a reason and it's simple: we can't never forget and for that, every once in a while we sit down to meet with those boxes once more just because we thought about someone or we are just feeling nostalgic, then we close them and put them away again in our imaginary storage.

But it also happens that some boxes keep to much pain and instead of openning and looking at whatever is inside, we try to forget it exits... Well for me that doesn't help and the reason is that there's a part of me that will always have unfinished issues. Thankfully, I have found the solution for that and is to put those particular boxes away for good, meaning not having them in my storage anymore.

It worked but it happened that after I did that, an ugly box got created, it's the darkest box and its content it's even worst: all the things I need to say and I keep to myself. For those who know me you can only imagine the size of that box. And it's not a box I can just push away 'cause I don't control it. If I don't verbalize what is there to say I consume myself.

Many things in my mind, many words for much people that I just keep inside to avoid consequences, hating myself for that action, for I believe I should be free to speak my mind without losing something or making someone think I will never be over it... So that ugly box gets bigger every time until I find the way to erase what I keep inside.

Because like you once said and showed me: I'm able to get whatever I want. With this it won't be different, the hardest part is done already.

Lyrics by Sugarcult

Watching your lips move together
Nothing's making sense
Talk to me
Talk to me
I don't want to break the silence with the taste of something violent
Come to me
Come to me

I don't believe the lies
Reading between the lines
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time

Watching every move you make
I hope you slip
I hope this fades away
Fades away
I get closer with the silent treatment
when it hurts to need it
when it's hard to leave it
Come to me
Come to me

I don't believe the lies
Reading between the lines
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time
I don't believe the lies
This is the last goodbye
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time

I'm letting go
I'm letting go
I'm letting go
God only knows it's getting harder everyday

I don't believe the lies
Reading between the lines
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time
I don't believe the lies
This is the last goodbye
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time

Watching your lips move together
Nothing's making sense
Talk to me
Read On

Unwanted Freedom

0 voices

If someone could have the power to make our decisions things might be easier, sometimes...
Beautiful freedom that keeps on reminding me how great control could be and all the ways I'm using to make it real, not to lose what I have.

Feelings and sensations that turned real in a moment, and went back to lies after some hours. 'Cause when you see what the future might look like, pretending is the only chance to keep it under control and on your side. Loosing has been my curse for a long time and by breaking patterns this time I'm putting a plan in motion: I won't lose it this time. I refuse.

I'll start a fight and push everything down to the bottom of this hole just to see myself bringing all back, just because I can, and when words are dying to come out of my mouth all they can wait is disaster, pretty and magical disaster.

No one would ever see, listen or understand... One of this days I'll be free to unleash and risk what it's ours, higher beyond this reality. Just to follow what sometimes I hate the most of me: speaking my mind. This undescriptible need of putting situations in order and organizing boxes, I just wish I didn't have to risk so much. I just wish I could put nice thoughts in your mind while I'm saying all that and control your sensations... Things will be just fine.

I can't hold us now, crashing down we'll see whatever there is and after hitting the bottom our shared perspectives will rise us up. Higher, 'cause this box is not a real box at all and I just can't understand why.

A year ago my heart was broken, and since then the way I feel has never been the same, thanks for that I guess.

In this Photo: Waleska.
Lyrics by Sugarcult!!!

What you wanted couldn't hold us down
What we needed turned it's back so
Out loud, we're telling your secrets
Out loud, to the lovers and thieves
Out loud, cause you never experienced
This is the side of us nobody sees

We're making something beautiful
Starting a riot
We've got this under our control
Starting a fight

What you wanted couldn't hold us now
What we needed all came crashing down
Down, with the lies and cover ups
Down down, to the lovers and thieves
Down now, cause you never experienced
This is the side that I'll never believe in

We're making something beautiful
Starting a riot
We've got this under our control
Starting a fight
We're making something
We're taking nothing
We're starting something beautiful
Start a riot

What you wanted

We're making something beautiful
Starting a riot
We've got this under our control
Starting a fight
We're making something
We're taking nothing
We're starting something beautiful
Start a riot (hey hey)
Riot (hey hey)
Riot (hey hey)
Read On