tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-143778302024-03-12T19:50:37.915-04:00Emotion's Little BoxA place to share perspectives.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comBlogger595125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-16393589406013892252018-11-18T12:35:00.001-04:002018-11-18T12:36:32.479-04:008<div>
Si existe una historia a la cual he renunciado con mayor frecuencia, es la de 8 y lo que sea ha sido de nosotros en todo este tiempo. Comenzando por el simple hecho de que él no tenía razón alguna para aparecer en mi vida, sin embargo trajo mucho más de lo que necesitaba, y no todo con el sentido más positivo. Tanta codependencia y adicción a estar presentes en la vida del otro, que el sentido real de la relación se perdió muy temprano. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Por alguna razón tu sabes que esta historia está siendo escrita. Sabes que voy a soltarla y te causa cierta ansiedad, por lo que otros piensen de ti (dices), o porque quizás lo que pasó entre nosotros te haga ver como una mala persona (lo sabes). Lo fuiste en ciertas ocasiones, y no fue sino hasta hace poco que supe como realmente te sientes al respecto; no fue sino hasta hace poco que dijiste palabras que quizás mi mente imagino en contadas ocasiones, gracias a esa conversación tu historia será más justa de lo que hubiese sido si la contase yo sola, sin embargo en estas palabras estas tu tambien. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Es por ello que cierto crédito debo darte, y es que a diferencia de los muchos números que aca son relatados, tu asumes 50% de lo que sucedió entre nosotros. Un 50% que estuvo lleno de mucho más que las ya repetidas disculpas o excusas, una versión de lo que realmente pasó durante aquellos meses, y en especial ese particular fin de semana en julio.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Con los otros números existen dos versiones, contigo existe la misma en casi exactitud, aun cuando tomo mucho tiempo convencerte de mi version, ajustando lo que fueron tus acciones; en otras palabras más fáciles de entender, ambos estuvimos conscientes de cuando los sentimientos emergieron, sin embargo fuimos efectivos en apagarlos o silenciarlos de cualquier forma. Estoy segura que recuerdas las múltiples veces que te dije “Hangman, it wasn’t love”...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Comenzó en un aeropuerto con una idea compartida sobre relaciones, desde ese momento supe que eras un romántico empedernido y que te alimentabas no solo de tu propio romanticismo, sino del de otros. Vinieron corazones rotos, palabras de aliento, discusiones y confianza, confianza en que los dos teníamos un interés en que el otro no sufriera más. Vinieron tus tantas novias, mis tantos números posteriores, y una gran cantidad de llamadas telefónicas que en ocasiones terminaron en alguno de los dos durmiendose con el celular en la oreja.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Una historia que se resume en tantas ideas atrapadas en melancolías y recuerdos con sonrisas libres. La soltería y libertad siempre marcó y definió nuestras interacciones y la necesidad de no unir caminos; tu y yo nunca estuvimos destinados a explorar mas de lo que logramos, una cantidad de música atrapada en una caja de memorias sobrecargada de emociones. Una historia que condenó una amistad a soledad y conflictos, simplemente porque el miedo devoró las palabras y fuimos cobardes frente a aquellas dos botellas de vino.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Nunca antes admití esto, pero de haberlo preguntado quizás lo hubiese afirmado. I had feelings for you, pero no eran feelings que tú desconocías, el conflicto siempre vino de tu duda y tu confusión. No tengo necesidad de asumir culpas o señalar dedos, pero fuiste tu quien silencio todo lo que vino luego de aquel 11/7 al quizas no estar listo para escuchar lo que sabías saldría de mi boca. Yo te conoci desde el primer dia, y desde entonces asumí un compromiso que por siempre definió la Ana que estuvo a tu disposición; una Ana que decía lo que necesitabas escuchar, para bien o para mal. Siempre preferí ser tu amiga a cualquier otra cosa.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Todo pudo haber sido muy diferente, yo estaba dispuesta a actuar en base a tu iniciativa. Es muy probable que leyendo esto reclames y digas: “yo te pregunte, what is this?” y Ana dijo “I can’t”... no voy a negarlo, en ese momento fue increíblemente dificil admitir mis sentimientos por ti, siendo una conexión tan directa con esa marca en mi hombro izquierdo. Fui cobarde en palabras, mas nunca en acciones, esto te consta.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Si algo conoces de mi es la determinación que siempre he tenido con nuestra relacion, eres mi amigo por encima de cualquier otra cosa. Y aun cuando el tiempo y sus extrañas circunstancias optaron por obstáculos en nuestra conexión, me has demostrado que nunca nos equivocamos. Desde un principio supimos que había una conexión válida, sin necesidad de definir sentimientos o estereotipos, nos mantenemos presentes y necesitamos de vez en cuanto hablar sobre cualquier cosa o simplemente para recordar ese momento en el pasado de nuestra amistad.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Probablemente te sorprenda leerte en estas líneas y notar detalles que quizás esperabas leer, pero la verdad es que aun cuando nunca me creíste a totalidad, mi imagen de ti supera cualquier BB chat o anécdota. Lo que siempre mantendré en mi sera una facilidad que siento al hablarte. Hangman it’s not your fault, we both committed to this memory of what could have been but was never meant to be.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-41664586858744864842018-09-30T13:49:00.000-04:002018-09-30T13:49:13.636-04:0015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXg2F_FzOBUFtIWil6WbxDHDKo-CF-TsGMPk8XaSlGuXNfetUEkeB99_wXpUHdtpYE6_L-izu73mig68JPo_2UfyuoP9jYMVHAwF1gDvVpAxx5T9J6lKZLXs7ypGp9Zhb9YqCh/s1600/tumblr_kxmomtsAtE1qa1gruo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="334" data-original-width="500" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXg2F_FzOBUFtIWil6WbxDHDKo-CF-TsGMPk8XaSlGuXNfetUEkeB99_wXpUHdtpYE6_L-izu73mig68JPo_2UfyuoP9jYMVHAwF1gDvVpAxx5T9J6lKZLXs7ypGp9Zhb9YqCh/s320/tumblr_kxmomtsAtE1qa1gruo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Mi mente muchas veces soñó con 15 antes de conocerlo, soñaba con una personalidad autodestructiva y romántica a la vez, un ser humano que arrastrase mucho peso de culpa y resentimiento desconocido, pero que a su vez fuese tan capaz de transmitir paz a otros. Soñé muchas veces con la idea de alguien que pudiera hacerme callar fácilmente y perder por completo mis tan valientes ideas tan sólo con una mirada. 15 era esas cosas y muchas más.<br />
<br />
Su barba es hasta hoy mi favorita, siempre le dije que era el escudo que me protegía de enamorarme de su cara de niño escondida detrás de esa defensa a veces tornasol y tan furiosa. Su mirada, respiración y caminar eran torpe en ocasiones pero tan adorables al mismo tiempo, tanto que no parecían parte de su tan brusca presencia. Muchas cosas sobre 15 que podría sentarme a relatar; sus maravillosas habilidades culinarias, su cruda voz al cantar y su a veces incomprensible necesidad de abrazar al dormir. Pero más que muchas cosas, esa imagen que tantos tienen de él, en comparación a una idea quizás ingenua que yo sigo defendiendo en el estrado.<br />
<br />
Sin tener que conversar mucho, supe rápidamente sobre su inconformidad con la idea de familia, y esa armadura que él mismo construyó para crecer como persona desde muy temprano. Una gran madurez fue siempre visible aunque ignorada por el mismo, a pesar de su comportamiento en relaciones de pareja... y es que siempre he dicho que es muy cobarde señalar a quien tiene cierto patrón de relaciones, sólo porque es distinto al nuestro. El teme a todo, y en eso puedo entenderlo porque es un reflejo de lo que yo vivo.<br />
<br />
15 me otorgó mucho en un momento de gran necesidad; no lo vi venir porque mi mente y corazón estaban velando de manera muy oscura y deprimente luego de aquellas promesas rotas por 14. Él apareció en un momento de increíble desesperación luego de uno de los golpes más grandes que he recibido, y sin saberlo, supo devolver a la vida en muchos aspectos. Hoy escribiendo esto me doy cuenta que mis sentimientos hacia él comenzaron siendo de agradecimiento.<br />
<br />
Yo era una simple bolsa de desperdicios cuando 15 vino a hurgar en mi, en un momento de mi vida en el que pensaba que no tenía nada que ofrecer a nadie porque había entregado mi ego a mi peor enemigo para ser asesinado. 15 probablemente nunca supo sobre esto, y quizás nunca lo llegue a saber pero no es importante, porque su participación fue probablemente así de positiva por desconocer tanto sobre mí.<br />
<br />
Extraño sus desayunos sobrecargados de tocineta, y el olor a cigarro de su apartamento, muebles, ropa y cama. Extraño su timidez en la intimidad y la necesidad de cubrirse con una sábana, cosa que lo hacía tan vulnerable, tan alcanzable y tan divino. 15 fue, aunque corto, un gran momento de transformación en mi vida, más que los otros 14. Su participación trajo fe y alimento a mi ego, porque yo simplemente no era capaz de levantarme por mi misma en ese momento.<br />
<br />
Luego de una definitiva despedida, 15 no volteó su mirada y siguió por siempre su tan aventurero rumbo, para luego de un año aparecer con ideas que sonaban a libreto de película romántica, pero que terminaron siendo escenas en vivo de una especie de transición que él estaba viviendo, la cual por alguna razón que aun desconozco, me involucro a mi. Existieron verdades dichas, y planes realizados de la forma más infantil, para terminar en un mismo punto inicial de lejanía y desconcierto. Este lunes en especial significó tanto terror para mi, que creo no ser la misma que fui el dia anterior.<br />
<br />
Nunca esperas que algo o alguien derribe tus fortalezas tan fácilmente, y ese lunes me vi abrazando todo lo que 15 tenía que brindar, sin mirar mucho a mis propios ideales mientras me juzgaban y exaltaba a gritos la locura que estaba cometiendo no solo en acción, sino en admitir unirme a esta carrera de planes transparentes. Hasta hoy no logro saber de dónde vino esa ola de energías y de propuestas, y tampoco se que sucederá luego, solo se que he visto mi lado debil, y me aterra. Sé que de haber pasado más tiempo juntos, me hubiese enamorado y quizás fue mejor que todo terminara por distancia continental, por mucho tiempo mi cuerpo sintió que no había tenido suficiente de él y sus desayunos, de él y sus abrazos, de él y su barba, de él y su misterio.<br />
<br />
La vida volvió a unirnos en ese punto al cual él voló lejos de mí, y debo admitir que la vida se jugó una carta de comedia al ubicarlo en mi plano personal por ser quien trabajase en el mismo departamento de 20. La misma sonrisa que muchas veces adore, la vi reflejarse en mi cara al ver lo feliz que yo estaba con mi actual situación. Solo entonces sonreí de vuelta al comprender lo que yo significaba para él, y escucharle decir lo mucho que se alegraba de mi felicidad. 15 nunca fue o será una constante, pero si alguien cuya felicidad me hará sonreír siempre.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-67673249310937224322018-09-13T15:59:00.001-04:002018-09-13T16:05:02.806-04:0013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiseMrZd-mKhyIwJnAL3fENyp3SE9Rr_bt8mp5QNc3oiPZJHX1FOB5M6_LDQ7RaNcIeXFviicZiD0HLRyeN7yp0F9M7fRkC7C4cuZml_bkUBtYJV3uBvR0Le1I0IxFuyy92ZXVw/s1600/tumblr_lje6k9lzLx1qb1plro1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="500" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiseMrZd-mKhyIwJnAL3fENyp3SE9Rr_bt8mp5QNc3oiPZJHX1FOB5M6_LDQ7RaNcIeXFviicZiD0HLRyeN7yp0F9M7fRkC7C4cuZml_bkUBtYJV3uBvR0Le1I0IxFuyy92ZXVw/s320/tumblr_lje6k9lzLx1qb1plro1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
13 tiene mucho tiempo siendo parte de mi vida, pero su parte en estos relatos se enfocará un poco más en un último capítulo que compartimos. No digo con esto que el resto de su participación fue menos importante, al contrario, fue por este último capítulo que afiance lo que él significa para mí y el gigante efecto que ha tenido su tan cruda y honesta amistad, una amistad que ya sea en Egipto o en Apure, siempre tendré en "speed dial."<br />
<br />
Si alguien me ha hablado con la verdad de frente siempre, ha sido 13 con su característico humor negro, irónico, y siempre muy libre de culpa. Por bastante tiempo he apreciado esa forma de ser que tiene y la forma en la cual esa influencia se ha implantado en mí durante todos nuestros años de amistad. Porque si, este es el primer amigo del que escribo acá, no por ser el más o menos importante, sino porque de esos amigos que han terminado en situaciones distintas conmigo, solo 13 supo darle un estilo cómodo, fresco y auténtico sin ningún tipo de tramas escondidas bajo acciones con dobles sentidos, en otras palabras, lo que 13 y yo compartimos fue una amistad que probó todo tipo de libertades de la manera más limpia. Quizás él este más agradecido que yo al saber que pudo tener algo así con una amiga sin caer en enredos emocionales.<br />
<br />
No considero que esta experiencia que hubo con 13 tuviese un comienzo o un final, sino más bien una última etapa que de cierta forma los dos fuimos empujando en negación, hasta que nos vimos enfrentándola con suficiente animosidad luego de jugar con la distancia entre su cama y la silla de la computadora. No hubo nunca peligro alguno de ningún tipo en términos amorosos, porque los dos estábamos sencillamente alimentando necesidades similares en momentos de nuestras vidas lo suficientemente oportunos.<br />
<br />
Si me preguntaran alguna queja que tengo sobre 13, fue que no logramos aprovechar el tiempo que tuvimos como se pudo; ese capítulo cerró por causas que asumo en su totalidad pero considero que pudimos habernos divertido mucho más. Y lo que hemos sido desde entonces es simplemente lo que siempre fuimos, se que siempre podré contar con él para burlarnos de mi elección de parejas, o criticar mis finanzas; 13 siempre será 13. Su búsqueda de la felicidad parece haber sido inminente y quisiera darme un poquito de credito por aquel diciembre fallido que le da cierto sountrack a su actual status amoroso, aún cuando él en ocasiones me hace sentir como ese grupo de numeros que han decidido excluirme de ciertos capitulos de su vida, y supongo que he hecho las paces con eso. Siempre que 13 vuelva a mí, yo sonreiré y sé que siempre responderá a mis mensajes, sean o no sobre computadoras.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-11387991061003179122018-09-13T15:50:00.000-04:002018-09-13T15:50:16.831-04:006<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje-hHj-h7doY9bMZwJ1Y6DwfVB_CUdh0BsbofJAik3q9viTsnsPgkUa_qPn_hCGwgMt9Mk2qV_5UsqVsGLSTvszfW87H_tYBCXeGbCp4CQ9KfilTGRgny0KZLCem6g88412Q12/s1600/tumblr_peytuqxaDX1t2is5xo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="377" data-original-width="500" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje-hHj-h7doY9bMZwJ1Y6DwfVB_CUdh0BsbofJAik3q9viTsnsPgkUa_qPn_hCGwgMt9Mk2qV_5UsqVsGLSTvszfW87H_tYBCXeGbCp4CQ9KfilTGRgny0KZLCem6g88412Q12/s320/tumblr_peytuqxaDX1t2is5xo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
6 será siempre recordado por su sonrisa incluso al dormir, por su cabellera y facilidad de parecer tan ingenuo. Llegó a mi vida de manera bastante dramática y desde el día uno no pude evitar sentirme débil sólo de verlo, esos seres humanos que parecen emanar una belleza más allá de lo físico, que se proyecta en tí como una fotografía eterna. Debo admitir que siempre me sentí intimidada por su apariencia, y porque probablemente nunca supe disimular lo atraída que me sentía.<br />
<br />
Era el amigo del amigo, y en nuestra relación siempre hubo un instinto de riesgo. Muy pocas veces antes me habría atrevido a demostrar mis intenciones o mis deseos como lo hice con 6. Hubo miedo en un principio, porque su personalidad regala sonrisas por doquier mas no significaba que él estuviese maquinando las mismas ganas que yo maquinaba en mi cabeza, cada vez que nos encontrábamos en reuniones sociales de amigos en común. Su sonrisa hacia mi siempre fue como gasolina, en mi mente todo podría ir mal, él podría bien no estar interesado pero mi mente reacciono de manera bastante egoísta. Sin importar que, iba a caminar hacia esa atracción.<br />
<br />
Hubo respuesta, exactamente como la espere y llena de increíble espiritualidad. Nuestras interacciones siempre fueron monotemáticas, extensas, llenas de entendimiento y a la vez tanto misterio; considero que nunca dejamos de tratar de comprendernos el uno al otro, nuestras visiones de ambos siempre fueron secretas para el otro y hasta cierto punto, fue suficiente para alimentar esa relación tan extraña, de querer tenernos pero no lograr entendernos. Por luego de cada intermedio analitico, había tanto que desconocíamos, y a la vez tanto que nos hacía rechazarnos.<br />
<br />
Hasta el día de hoy aún considero uno de mis momentos favoritos despertar y verlo dormir, con esa característica sonrisa que probablemente él nunca supo permanecía en su cara una vez quedaba inconsciente; pero que yo aprendí a leer y valorar tanto. Recuerdo aquella noche de vino derramado en sus sabanas blancas, y aquella cancion de U2 que no dejo de sonar en modo repeat con tonos ultravioleta… La última vez que vi esa sonrisa fue el día que me fui para nunca más volver a lo que éramos.<br />
<br />
Hubo mucho durante esos meses que agradezco, no sólo lo bien que 6 me hacía sentir, sino la transparencia de sus sensaciones; creo que podría casi asegurar jamás haber conocido otra persona tan abierta a sus propias emociones, sin temer sentir algo inesperado o doloroso. 6 estaba completamente conectado a su cuerpo y mente, una relación que me parecía tan divina y que me atrapó de forma desconocida.<br />
<br />
Si tuviese que definir la razón por la cual lo nuestro terminó tendría que mencionar tres cosas: falta de comunicación de parte de ambos, discrepancia en lo que los dos esperábamos obtener con lo que teníamos, pero sobre todo mucho ego. Y en este último hablaré por mi misma, porque a menos que 6 se sentara a escribir conmigo (y en realidad cualquiera de los otros números), no podría afirmar alguna posición que desconozco. Lo que tuvimos terminó antes de convertirse en algo predecible y con desenlace aburrido, y debo admitir que esa mística de haber terminado antes de tiempo es lo que más atesoro de nuestra historia.<br />
<br />
Mi ego siempre ha sido bastante poderoso cuando es puesto frente a alguna persona que parece quitarle fuerza para ser otorgada al corazón. Mi ego sabe lo mucho que temo a querer y a involucrarme emocionalmente, y no lo sabe porque yo se lo he hecho claro, sino porque ha visto repetidas veces como los resultados no son los más oportunos; sin embargo es una conversación que tendré con uds más adelante.<br />
<br />
Mi ego sabía lo que 6 estaba provocando en mí, y lo mucho que estaba disfrutando esas sonrisas en la mañana y todo lo demás que representaba, así que cortó por completo la comunicación, asumiendo que a menos que un único camino fuese definido, no había más que hacer. Mucho tiempo lo culpe por no haber intentado algo más, pero no fue sino hasta después que comprendí que ese único camino no iba a ser formado por nosotros, o al menos siendo quienes éramos en ese momento. No fue sino hasta mucho después que pudo haber un cierre apropiado a esa historia, comprendiendo todo esto durante una cena en una conocida terraza con pizzas de todos en Maracaibo, simplemente cada quien tenía una versión diferente a nuestra sincronizada desaparición.<br />
<br />
Él lo expresó de esa forma, y hasta entonces siempre pensé que había sido otra historia de entrega fallida, asumiendo que yo quise entregar mi corazón y simplemente él no quiso recibirlo, y por eso 6 se había alejado luego de esa última mañana; pero no fue él solo quien se alejó, yo también lo hice porque mi vida no estaba lista para una relación en la cual mi esencia iba a ser disminuida a tanto por su tan agraciada influencia en mi.<br />
<br />
Hoy aún pienso en esas mañanas y esa sonrisa, en esos gustos musicales tan inspiradores y en las manchas de vino sobre sus sábanas cada vez que sonaba U2 a altas horas de la madrugada, ultraviolet por siempre tendrá una entonación llena de picardía y entrega; sin embargo su camino poco a poco se alejó más del mío hasta el punto de ver cómo se unía a otro. El ha alcanzado esa felicidad que muchos otros definen, y que parece hacerle tan bien en su vida. Hasta hoy hacían falta dos cosas para poder sentirme contenta por su felicidad, una era asumir que no era él quien iba a hacerme feliz y dos soltar su historia.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-55687181028998060172018-09-13T15:42:00.001-04:002018-09-13T15:42:58.690-04:00Is Out Now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPPpMsq6pl7aVfjyJb4hqlaVHs3sYZj_4atDt1KhYXRmVuu-iE0XSMbi1-k6mV57eZbWvvHg2kZxk4Cb7pwGD54NaOWGDajwc1Vh3ahDDkOLNkqSvHr0wK1wMxDPvAww0Mt3aw/s1600/tumblr_n4jj4cdjqr1s05dk4o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPPpMsq6pl7aVfjyJb4hqlaVHs3sYZj_4atDt1KhYXRmVuu-iE0XSMbi1-k6mV57eZbWvvHg2kZxk4Cb7pwGD54NaOWGDajwc1Vh3ahDDkOLNkqSvHr0wK1wMxDPvAww0Mt3aw/s320/tumblr_n4jj4cdjqr1s05dk4o1_500.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
Hace bastante tiempo no escribo en este blog, y hace bastante tiempo no escribo en español. La verdad, dudo alguien este leyendo en este momento. Hace varios años decidí escribir sobre ciertas personas que fueron parte de mi vida, y acumularon capítulos inconclusos, para ser más directa, comencé a escribir sobre cada hombre que ha inspirado uno o varios posts en este blog desde que comenzó en el 2005.<br />
<br />
Cuando comencé a escribir aquel proyecto, mi furor por este blog era algo latente y las palabras fluían sin parar. No existían muchos filtros, más que lo críptico de mi estilo, y había bastante valentía en mis acciones. Pero con el pasar de los años, y como mi vida fue cambiando, mis visitas a aquel archivo se hicieron menos valientes, y eventualmente abandoné el proyecto por un largo rato.<br />
<br />
Hoy sé que lo que pensé aquello sería nunca será, y si le debo honor a las palabras ya escritas, debo compartirlas de alguna forma para no dejar que mueran en un Google Doc al que solo Diana tiene acceso. Por lo que comenzaré a publicar los chunks más significativos acá, sabiendo que aún si ninguno de ellos (números que protagonizan este asunto) lea esto, al menos yo solté lo que quería soltar.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-64595240296477945822018-09-13T15:11:00.001-04:002018-09-13T15:11:48.198-04:00Andrea<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUG1fImbypDauH4kZS_dpXDNPkW0PF0bFDcxw21O7t_ly6LguqAP6nHKYbhK5lPTnFr5rlgYbIVSXN0gbNLdMiSb91cwCUsGEks8sCGjvthc5LqX1VD0A3VjvcAFuFvfLpyGZ/s1600/10891494_10153008032736271_1061099748851645746_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUG1fImbypDauH4kZS_dpXDNPkW0PF0bFDcxw21O7t_ly6LguqAP6nHKYbhK5lPTnFr5rlgYbIVSXN0gbNLdMiSb91cwCUsGEks8sCGjvthc5LqX1VD0A3VjvcAFuFvfLpyGZ/s1600/10891494_10153008032736271_1061099748851645746_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I can't seem to escape this place.<br />The need to feel this way is bigger than me.<br />
I may be happier than I've ever been, but I still enjoy the blue corners.<br />
I seem to play certain songs,<br />
Draw certain lines,<br />
Play with certain memories.<br />
<br />
I can't seem to avoid this side of me.<br />
The one that acknowledges the past,<br />
Smiles at it, and comes back to a blog to write a few lines.<br />
<br />
Because, why not?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-5007123427913020452016-01-20T14:16:00.000-04:302016-01-20T14:22:37.232-04:30I Get It Now<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFr7lWRDH0sefdmHzB6zVqWrodfdjqOSZ0dfpQThrO71u1_5xq984Arwyk7sSgH4toI4IFJFah-H4ChIYViUWkjAc7bJbzTVgkRTCG_KK0IBeqrFKcQ8DnHQegdyHFeoFJpWY8/s1600/1157579_10151810553044872_504313053_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFr7lWRDH0sefdmHzB6zVqWrodfdjqOSZ0dfpQThrO71u1_5xq984Arwyk7sSgH4toI4IFJFah-H4ChIYViUWkjAc7bJbzTVgkRTCG_KK0IBeqrFKcQ8DnHQegdyHFeoFJpWY8/s1600/1157579_10151810553044872_504313053_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
For a long time I judged you for this sick version of new life. For a long time I thought you were weak but never said the words, because you needed me as a mirror and I felt my job was to be there for you, and to make your new life easy for you to deal with as I could. Like oil, as you once said.<br />
<br />
I always thought you were weak, for wanting to go back to the old station and the old rides. I thought you were selfish for wanting a window to come and stare, a window that would allow you to see all that you left behind, just as you chose this new eternal and utopian joy.<br />
<br />
For a long time I judge you, and saw you as a weak man... and I probably still do, just that I see myself in your ways of behaving and I finally understand where you came from.<br />
<br />
Since the very beginning I've related my way of feeling, physically and emotionally, to our old ways and what I took from you when I did. The physical way of dealing with them, the discipline in the setting of boundaries and the early emotional resignation; all of it was always so familiar to your ways, and with no shame I say that I am glad I learned it all from you.<br />
<br />
But I always firmly believed the one thing that separated us was that last piece, the looking back after achieving the goal. The need for venting or ideas of infatuations after gaining the golden ticket, I always judged you for needing to talk to me about other girls after being so happily in love.<br />
<br />
The other night I came home to this book and a bottle of wine, and the sensation of an old song felt too familiar. The thought of you came to my head and I struggled with the idea of what you might have been going through this whole time; you missed the empty you, the always free you, the always in control you. And I understood, I finally understood what you meant all those years.<br />
<br />
Your happiness wasn't part of that moment of melancholy, it was never about your current reality and the fact that you were actually happy and in the best moment of your life. It was always about the bitter sensation of not having that thing you always had, the emotional roller coaster and moment. I get it now.<br />
<br />
This blog started with a very sad and heartbroken me, and for a reason I never understood until now, I find it harder and harder to write when I am truly happy. I am, just like in those other aspects, similar to your feeling, to your thinking; I also miss the sad and empty me.<br />
<br />
Featuring ValeriaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-54755932853941198402015-07-10T23:59:00.003-04:302015-07-11T00:00:14.157-04:3010 after<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVk1966VEmJEzFcPOz08Q03m26-4QhUpp7-A1w5U3FTtPH1bqTcBk6T0dUh_paiaJ54Co33bM3S7owWdXnKx1R22lbiaQ_AfqFZnzsxzirHBT806rM1xIG7nTMOp1RzEFuCb8n/s1600/PhotoGrid_1429545175329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVk1966VEmJEzFcPOz08Q03m26-4QhUpp7-A1w5U3FTtPH1bqTcBk6T0dUh_paiaJ54Co33bM3S7owWdXnKx1R22lbiaQ_AfqFZnzsxzirHBT806rM1xIG7nTMOp1RzEFuCb8n/s1600/PhotoGrid_1429545175329.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It took breaking myself in two, to find the pieces and fix them. Face and embrace my lowest has always been a strange hobby that I don't even seem to seek consciously, but I do. The elasticity of my own sanity continues to elevate me, and it saves me every time I test its limits.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My soul falls for sadness and melancholy, only because it shows the other side of what's true but won't always believe in, the idea of what's right and what can actually make me happy. There's a reason why I go after gray scenarios and expected endings, and that reason is that they always give validity to what I should continue to walk away from.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Never before have I noticed the breaking as the push to stop and stare instead of walking away, but this breaking was self-induced, and like a free animal not only I moved away from danger but towards what my instincts kept scratching inside of me, something I had walked away from because of surprising and unknown wellness.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It took breaking myself in two, to find the pieces and fix them. Now deserving feels better than before, and providing and giving myself has transformed into a much more colorful stage. Fear tastes like ideas instead of darkness, and exposing myself is part of the process instead of a forbidden action.<br />
<br />
*Myself in this photo*</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-369687936572392972015-02-14T15:08:00.000-04:302015-02-14T15:08:18.129-04:30The Only Time I Feel Safe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgNAuR6YgRu1txcAkaL80-JQP56M5sU0fZdn6O1lYFmktyGnpWTCkVTm6z1JgeL-RtEq3OSw1gLl8zvE0uekRpdVJWXd8gmMmNE964ocsBNImaJco4uRoGQ3-EpXUZ2J8mvTFI/s1600/1016677_10151273651584229_72538760_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgNAuR6YgRu1txcAkaL80-JQP56M5sU0fZdn6O1lYFmktyGnpWTCkVTm6z1JgeL-RtEq3OSw1gLl8zvE0uekRpdVJWXd8gmMmNE964ocsBNImaJco4uRoGQ3-EpXUZ2J8mvTFI/s1600/1016677_10151273651584229_72538760_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
We've been shaped too many times,<br />
Like a song that defines a moment.<br />
<br />
They've come through us like falling rain,<br />
Showering us with their magic and charming presence.<br />
<br />
We've been momentarily tamed by their ideas,<br />
Like a puzzle falling together under warm sheets.<br />
<br />
We've touched unknown feelings,<br />
Burning through every discovered inch.<br />
<br />
They've stopped being a light for us,<br />
We've learned how to walk in the darkness.<br />
<br />
They've taken parts of us with themselves,<br />
As they've left not to return.<br />
<br />
We take those moments and wave them goodbye,<br />
They will never see us as we were by their side.<br />
<br />
One empty space to transform,<br />
To embrace the magic in the constant movement<br />
And the truth in the flow of our sensations... the only time I feel safe.<br />
<br />
~ Featuring Anais ~Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-63564996502811733862015-02-08T00:58:00.001-04:302015-02-08T00:58:56.414-04:30Sharp As Time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7_fF2uTuy5eW3hmjkReYhyCg3DgRi3C4meLS5c4xTGaZcw9G9d0Ul1vAI349VtQ7Udq6zbWnpQqQVT1mp4qqeSedFi36KQA6wSxa7ODL3_ejGCGKekISeaX4t1AmxDw0yujz_/s1600/2015-02-06+21.34.24.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7_fF2uTuy5eW3hmjkReYhyCg3DgRi3C4meLS5c4xTGaZcw9G9d0Ul1vAI349VtQ7Udq6zbWnpQqQVT1mp4qqeSedFi36KQA6wSxa7ODL3_ejGCGKekISeaX4t1AmxDw0yujz_/s1600/2015-02-06+21.34.24.png" height="216" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I welcome you with no new warnings,<br />
You already know me too well, more than you think.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There's one thing I define over and over as I struggle with the nature of my feelings</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Honesty seems to own me, and it always has something hiding behind actions that feel so right.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This box contains emotions and the raw idea of living every moment,</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Expectations, plans, and so many other analogies,</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
but if there is one thing that comes across every time<br />
is that you can always take my words for what they are...<br />
And I will always bare my soul in them.<br />
<br />
I screwed up, and I took you for granted.<br />
<br />
I still can't put my finger on what made me realize this,<br />
but the truth is as sharp as our times fighting each other<br />
there's an urge to remind myself of how it felt<br />
every day, every minute.<br />
<br />
I dream of seeing you on the other side of my bed,<br />
trying to read my expression as I try to figure out what this could potentially become.<br />
I wanna come home to you.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
Featuring Elaine Cubillan<br />
Photo by Laura Isabela Perozo</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-31808151146138915632014-11-09T15:28:00.001-04:302014-11-09T15:28:28.021-04:30Hurts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7lAMABPfjysAqi5ZMAIlGwKP5WZWGMjijTrGombacdq-bAuo3DASdS0zOfR98DnBXvezsgzDROPam96mD427w6XgAkUDvUe_PX7unfy4_ej98xWvFNv1tx7VDf73vDEFe3K1/s1600/unnamed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu7lAMABPfjysAqi5ZMAIlGwKP5WZWGMjijTrGombacdq-bAuo3DASdS0zOfR98DnBXvezsgzDROPam96mD427w6XgAkUDvUe_PX7unfy4_ej98xWvFNv1tx7VDf73vDEFe3K1/s1600/unnamed.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Trying hurts<br />
How did I end up trying to prove something to you?<br />
When did I put myself in this position again?<br />
Like I need to win you over somehow?<br />
This is wrong.<br />
<br />
It has nothing to do with ego, but it is the ego who warns me<br />
Forcing myself to believe again, hurts<br />
Doing it all by myself, hurts<br />
I have nothing to prove.<br />
<br />
There's no doubt of where my heart is<br />
But my thoughts can't be at peace while doing this<br />
I see myself creating these ideas that hurt<br />
When all I should be doing is seeing what you offer<br />
<br />
Trying hurts<br />
Why am I doing this?<br />
The calendar must see its pages fall<br />
But it won't see myself waiting<br />
<br />
There is fear beyond you and me<br />
Tonight I realized that what I fear includes you,<br />
But that this fear can't be me right now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-56644969162906933502014-10-30T17:20:00.001-04:302015-02-06T17:14:08.253-04:304:30<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_gQ7A6yukR5RSRBSAqNx-E8zgD-v5X4vHGEgGeo5d1fTb9QFhzVJftcYGTuj20qpx9hmENkAvYw08F8Pb0cXVLVtRmtpTE0GaM0fSrHd7Joe9p9LmzmWhKuABHL8Y4ryNrBlj/s1600/http:%2F%2F40.media.tumblr.com%2F343523a13c6ecd1d63f07de9565d2044%2Ftumblr_mxtn32NdgY1qafgkpo1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_gQ7A6yukR5RSRBSAqNx-E8zgD-v5X4vHGEgGeo5d1fTb9QFhzVJftcYGTuj20qpx9hmENkAvYw08F8Pb0cXVLVtRmtpTE0GaM0fSrHd7Joe9p9LmzmWhKuABHL8Y4ryNrBlj/s1600/http:%2F%2F40.media.tumblr.com%2F343523a13c6ecd1d63f07de9565d2044%2Ftumblr_mxtn32NdgY1qafgkpo1_1280.jpg" height="320" width="238" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I stretch myself and try to feel how my muscles move</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Movements I think would give me an answer to this sensation</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
like if my body held the truth to what my mind is trying to avoid.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I see you sitting across this room, staring at me and waiting for words to come out</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
but I just don't know what I want to say,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
for the first time after planning every sound to express to you,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I am silent, not by choice.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
There isn't a thing I haven't already given you,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
whether I chose to or not,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
and it's hurting me, the lack of power is hurting me</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
And this pain is shaping me, in a good way.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I've been through the worst with your love,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
so there isn't anything that scares me about you breaking my heart again.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I welcome everything you offer, your fears and your doubts too.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
But there's one thing I can't get myself to agree on,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
and is the see saw of a story that will never be us.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Because we aren't who we were with other people,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
or people who made decisions that caused pain.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
We are two crystal clear hearts that can't help but embrace each other,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
even when I stand here, as helpless as ever.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Here is what I promise,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I will never ramble around the way I feel,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I will always use one word, and you won't have to ask</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I will not give you crap about your feelings</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
because I don't pretend to own them, my life can move on without them.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
And last, I will pop this balloon</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
A balloon that plays with my sanity when I think of us and whatever we're becoming.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
No games.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-15791997220556126652014-09-15T14:54:00.001-04:302014-09-15T14:54:35.543-04:30Do You Mind?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL1w_bgr8EbH7UF1t4MKxXiGSFm54MEnhlY_RMeAJMmjrwQBhtEDxQx4dCPLSdEoe1el3ZcROynThdTbN78H-fsoDCVz_PTizicOZ-og9FeEs18lmtYxJRLRQ_XXz3uX_bXJUr/s1600/DSCF7357.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL1w_bgr8EbH7UF1t4MKxXiGSFm54MEnhlY_RMeAJMmjrwQBhtEDxQx4dCPLSdEoe1el3ZcROynThdTbN78H-fsoDCVz_PTizicOZ-og9FeEs18lmtYxJRLRQ_XXz3uX_bXJUr/s1600/DSCF7357.JPG" height="275" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
You have managed to go from darkness to light,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so would you mind telling me what your next move is?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Because clearly, I will react to it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as I am reacting to you right now.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My mind has grown so peaceful after such storm,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and the truth is I can't but give us credit for it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All that excess of misjudged situations</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and the game we played so badly...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I don't want to relive the broken glass on my feet</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I can't really taste the bitterness as I say your name</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I just found myself wanting to make new memories with you</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
After being locked in a box surrounded by sour words.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Did we fly to the moon too soon?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Have we been trying to justify the jump that seemed to happen too early?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If this still feels so amazing from a tiny screen,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Was the cloud too small to hold us back then?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
You have managed to bring back the beating smile,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so would you mind fixing the pieces to this puzzle?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am clearly still holding on to the corners</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and as I still wait for the next chapter to that goodbye at an airport</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wonder the meaning of these pieces still coming along...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
...whatever it may be.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In this photo: Ruth.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-33440230616120586762014-08-24T13:39:00.001-04:302014-08-24T13:39:26.302-04:30Calendar Draw <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXc3w9QfM3cWCNr1MS4AFDQr5Rvdg6fHPzbBuHImS5K0pnfYqwtSZRVE-F2qq6glx4hOrsEcBjr-vjVEHH51kOBfqGoBIk6P01scJJGvGERPQt7OGKONr8KuRk4kFRj1_bOZlv/s1600/tumblr_meyr62MEc31qzcd3bo1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXc3w9QfM3cWCNr1MS4AFDQr5Rvdg6fHPzbBuHImS5K0pnfYqwtSZRVE-F2qq6glx4hOrsEcBjr-vjVEHH51kOBfqGoBIk6P01scJJGvGERPQt7OGKONr8KuRk4kFRj1_bOZlv/s1600/tumblr_meyr62MEc31qzcd3bo1_1280.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me borrow your fancy new watch, and I will let you in on something secret.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me allow your hands on my hair as if I missed it somehow, and I will marinate my heart without hesitation.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me open my risk taking bag, and allow for these bugs to fly out of it, then you might get yourself filled with their glow.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me just provide you with one of those secret smiles from across the room, and I will deliver myself on a golden platter.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">How long could I set this game to last?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And how many times do we need to step back on the Go spot?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Could we just embrace our safe and empty plans?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Or could we just have some fun instead?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me draw on your calendar, and I will show you colors you've desired for so long.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me stand on your knees wearing our favorite shade of black, and I will have these bats run around your head.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me play these bright sounds for you, and I will show you how cranky has nothing to gain from us.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let us fall of your bed, and create divine wine stains, and they might just show us a glimpse of joy we would eventually touch.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-91113945874754433192014-08-10T15:22:00.002-04:302014-08-10T15:26:10.899-04:30Safe, Sane<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSLf0Lw_qwlCs2jbYI6wl9xZEEl6AeZ0t7sb8fIE95cankVMkEu0oe71z9cVwyKTeQ8q2n5EaX1qpgDgQbtT0499-NW7PtI1YNCXj8s6bLEMInpAYV3qjVgOpIdEJ4hDsVhK6/s1600/tumblr_ms1lwwRXa91qzsuoro1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSLf0Lw_qwlCs2jbYI6wl9xZEEl6AeZ0t7sb8fIE95cankVMkEu0oe71z9cVwyKTeQ8q2n5EaX1qpgDgQbtT0499-NW7PtI1YNCXj8s6bLEMInpAYV3qjVgOpIdEJ4hDsVhK6/s1600/tumblr_ms1lwwRXa91qzsuoro1_500.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There's always a moment, it's bittersweet and intense</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Feels heavy and warm</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Like a strong hug by those desired arms</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Like the smell of his skin on the empty pillow next to me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This moment of wanting to explode happens often</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But it never belongs to me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just like the sensations and the burning thoughts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This moment thinks for itself, and the danger lays on its power.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I usually become aware of the holding, and how I try to keep it quiet</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But more often than I would like to admit, I set it free</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And forget about the damage it might do on its way to freedom.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That lack of awareness I pretend to have to avoid the control of it,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because without knowing, you show me light and your eyes are calling</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lights that want these rotten words.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's a big fat lie that dances around my evil but sincere smile as I say the words...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">... I miss you today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If only I didn't know about the true nature of this moment,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If only I could pretend the lights are blinding me as I say this to you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And if only I could remain innocent after lighting a small spark in you...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Then I would keep us safe, sane.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There's always a moment, and for the most part I always feel like letting go of it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But the truth is that the selfishness that feeds it, also eats me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I can't but expose my weapons hoping for the victims to be prepared,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I want you to ignore me, yet I don't.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-60410165140797749902014-07-11T01:55:00.000-04:302014-07-11T01:59:05.931-04:30Monster<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG8PSGnqqNcyWkFbVrYAEsKMxOUtQgfiCm30gh2VDQodk5Ke7O82tGUvjg_-UpIXXMaSzle513ONCpqNjHoqj-7MOZBlDUxg2VpOKt61lbkyL3-lvd7n9F1eZp4HUct5jnLI2R/s1600/tumblr_ms0r9rsGdA1qet0epo1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG8PSGnqqNcyWkFbVrYAEsKMxOUtQgfiCm30gh2VDQodk5Ke7O82tGUvjg_-UpIXXMaSzle513ONCpqNjHoqj-7MOZBlDUxg2VpOKt61lbkyL3-lvd7n9F1eZp4HUct5jnLI2R/s1600/tumblr_ms0r9rsGdA1qet0epo1_1280.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Have we had this before?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's the taste you miss the most</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And for all the memories that fade</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">These words are the thing you hold on onto the most</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because I'm the only source left</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To feed you desire and ideas</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To make the danger become reality</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know where you come from</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">... I was born right there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm sorry it has to be so bad though</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just this space in a dream you can't reach</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For a little while</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For a few nights</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For just as long as your inner self allows you</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because this monster I am to you won't die</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It will just sleep...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For a while...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">for a while...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And for the rest of our lives,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I will still be that frame of burning sensations</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And that eagerness you despite</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A simple bite too bitter to embrace</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A monster to your soul</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A monster to your present</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A monster to your truth</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-36246609993673774292014-06-25T16:06:00.000-04:302014-06-26T11:28:19.201-04:30Magic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixotvYoDmOpMG2vIPYdLp8zV-dSn53JI6P39oB_UCk5x-_D7SwAr4SeSKF6Gn18K62XHe2V7OVIoXZ3oLcVeAtFBZ54cccw6PIXbyK1BNy2Iy3e76YV9L2abrwHkyq6XxS8wta/s1600/tumblr_mrrfrrmZGg1rggztmo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixotvYoDmOpMG2vIPYdLp8zV-dSn53JI6P39oB_UCk5x-_D7SwAr4SeSKF6Gn18K62XHe2V7OVIoXZ3oLcVeAtFBZ54cccw6PIXbyK1BNy2Iy3e76YV9L2abrwHkyq6XxS8wta/s1600/tumblr_mrrfrrmZGg1rggztmo1_500.jpg" height="214" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Things always feel better after a single sip, and the sensation of moments fading with the movements of the hand on the clock, feels even better.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sadness will always be part of my happy moments, just because of that, because of the fading and the ending, and in some sort of depressive matter, I'm in love of the sadness... it's magical.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They've been there, not many... waiting for a let go or a glimpse of trust, maybe a sign of belonging or smiles of commitment... but I can't keep my feet moving just to jump and embrace it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've felt that before, it's burn me before, I've tasted it already and the sadness that I hold on to so hard still calls out for me, but I don't seem to believe in that magic for my own, because I still find myself waiting for the known.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-13412140844335767152014-01-21T22:47:00.000-04:302014-01-21T22:48:38.826-04:30For The Fun Of It<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I’ve had my number of guys, and encounters of different kinds… but dates not many, at least not the conventional ‘date’ as defined by many. I am not used to them, so preparing for one does not sound like something normal to me. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I usually share more than what I should, I kinda wanna share my thoughts on this date preparation, leading to what it seems to be a regular date tomorrow night.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is me talking to myself: what to wear? I really just wanna feel comfortable, nothing too elaborate, maybe low key not to give a weird idea? are flip flops too trashy? definitely flats at least. I don’t like it that I’m thinking too much about this, so just grab something. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are a couple details, very feminine details that I love to think about, but that’s where I draw the “too much info” line :)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If the date is at his place, then I definitely wanna drive there, just to make sure a quick escape is possible. Not that I wanna run away right now before even going, but since I don’t do well with the unknown, I better prepare. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I usually prepare for ‘unexpected’ sleepovers (oops), but should I this time? Jeez, I better not, just to make sure I DON’T spend the night, this deal of normal dates with decent guys should be different, just to make it interesting and give meaning to that thing people say of delaying the pleasure.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For the rest, I just can’t pretend I prepare at all, just remembering that this will be an encounter for actual conversation to take place, long periods of just talking, and listening and more talking. Can’t say I haven’t done this with other guys, but those conversations always had their time limit, in most cases… because we both knew something else would follow.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tomorrow night I’m looking forward to the JUST talking part, and sure… the homemade pizza and wine (specially picked up for me) sound fun too.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">P.S.: I have to admit that I miss saying too much in this blog.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-84738076007128228042013-11-14T21:19:00.003-04:302013-11-14T21:22:50.981-04:30Writing about writing<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This process has not been easy, and that doesn't even express the weirdness of it. Fear most of all, because I'm revealing a lot in each word, and this time I'm not using someone else to say these words.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's taken more than a year by now, and today I'm still drafting because some thoughts don't seem to fit very well, and changes keep on appearing as time goes by and some stories still remain unwritten. Mainly, I can't write about unfinished business.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So I've noticed that writing this book has shown me that in order to write what needs to be said, some stories needed closure. And I'm so happy to see it happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I still need to wait for other stories, but the ones that are ready now are giving me the courage needed to speak, so moving on.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-57923075005395670592013-09-24T12:10:00.001-04:302013-09-24T12:12:29.918-04:30Sailing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTJfp80u-5qgq9cJlZKLnwuE57pIAooiQVkuz76eIjMw_P_RsqrxZNAV8Uc3Wq1vcRHFQn2MZRDodj6qqSXodM50tpA4wdHRcFYWEBDN0_E0z0NNpOhnMvOLPuKueV2uNDxoRh/s1600/197_619596197184_4399_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTJfp80u-5qgq9cJlZKLnwuE57pIAooiQVkuz76eIjMw_P_RsqrxZNAV8Uc3Wq1vcRHFQn2MZRDodj6qqSXodM50tpA4wdHRcFYWEBDN0_E0z0NNpOhnMvOLPuKueV2uNDxoRh/s320/197_619596197184_4399_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was standing on the dock staring at your indifference, just becoming aware of each second that passed by and I hesitated more.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I stood there understanding that any decision I made would not be real, because the ocean and wind were telling me this was a dream.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I couldn't figure out why my feet were still frozen and motionless, but you didn't say much to get me out of that state of numbness, I believe you were waiting for me to walk away.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The truth is you didn't know what I knew, for you it was another ride, another opportunity to float away, but for me it felt like a golden moment to share some time with you, because my mind new it would end, and I would wake up.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So I moved, and I got on the boat, laughing at the silliness of the whole deal: you riding a ridiculous and enormous boat, an old lady in a fancy state room, and waiting for his crew to take her to a fancy island. This is when I found out you were on a work mission, and I was just providing company.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Still we never saw her, stepping out of her kingdom, and you took the time to teach me how to hear the ocean, how to understand what the nights mean when you're away from land, gazing at the beauty of it all is something that I could not describe with words.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My notion of reality was too loud, and knowing that I was dreaming and that I would wake up at any moment made me stare at your smile for hours; remembering your sleeping pattern and the short time when I knew you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Hours went by with a continuous alarm in my head but also tasting every moment of your presence. Because the second I woke up, laughing at the irony of this, I knew that one single encounter, had made me miss you all this time.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That smile in from of that bar will always remain as the most honest smiles I've given. Because in the past I've asked for the smile back, but in your case, it'll always belong to you.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-68147235495617654172013-09-01T22:17:00.000-04:302013-09-24T11:52:48.637-04:30But I am hell bound<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpjC2AGFdLZE5KgI3UKpdiRHqabvA25zfb-OBdthT26deuF76n62tlMSpJecepg8rFWUM7dkkHtTDUHmWfzXzdA3z_1PHGfvKqZrdvd6tUepefGLXDSy1AaLPxW0XxsMgwziun/s1600/tumblr_mrp33j5f6P1qg4giio1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpjC2AGFdLZE5KgI3UKpdiRHqabvA25zfb-OBdthT26deuF76n62tlMSpJecepg8rFWUM7dkkHtTDUHmWfzXzdA3z_1PHGfvKqZrdvd6tUepefGLXDSy1AaLPxW0XxsMgwziun/s320/tumblr_mrp33j5f6P1qg4giio1_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I haven't been here in a while, and I can't actually stay too long, but I just needed to come to tell you something because I believe you deserve to know it before things get messed up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Many would tell you that my head spins around reasons, excuses and answers to questions that arise as we start getting closer, you seem to be nearby and my mind just reacts. I'm not sure still what it is that attracts me to you but as long as I don't put my finger on it, things won't stop bouncing... and unfortunately, that means you might feel I'm being evasive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And I am, very much.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because, being around you makes me miss them too much, and that sets an alarm in my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You remind me of how much I miss every detail of single encounters, even those framed in a a 5 hours box. It aches loving tiny pieces of memories, and you seem to bring that in me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being completely honest, I've been a junkie for infatuations for too long, but now I'm just not sure if I have the energy to start a new one.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There's so much fear and low expectations that might be interfering with these signals you <span style="background-color: white;">try to send my way. It seems that you might have a plan, and my smashed ego appreciates that, it truly does.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">These words go out to you because it could be easier to just break the magic before it begins, just as long as my body continues to move towards you, we'll have to figure it out in total darkness. My heart is so hungry that might just eat anything that passes by.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lyrics by Imagine Dragons</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When the days are cold<br />And the cards all fold<br />And the saints we see<br />Are all made of gold<br />When your dreams all fail<br />And the ones we hail<br />Are the worst of all<br />And the blood's run stale<br /><br />I want to hide the truth<br />I want to shelter you<br />But with the beast inside<br />There's nowhere we can hide<br />No matter what we breed<br />We still are made of greed<br />This is my kingdom come<br />This is my kingdom come<br /><br />When you feel my heat<br />Look into my eyes<br />It's where my demons hide<br />It's where my demons hide<br /><br />Don't get too close<br />It's dark inside<br />It's where my demons hide<br />It's where my demons hide<br /><br />When the curtain's call<br />Is the last of all<br />When the lights fade out<br />All the sinners crawl<br />So they dug your grave<br />And the masquerade<br />Will come calling out<br />At the mess you made<br /><br />Don't want to let you down<br />But I am hell bound<br />Though this is all for you<br />Don't want to hide the truth<br />No matter what we breed<br />We still are made of greed<br />This is my kingdom come<br />This is my kingdom come</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-92014681456032062472013-04-20T09:57:00.000-04:302013-04-20T09:57:33.653-04:30Temporally OffA book is being written.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-46744632758740378862013-03-08T15:10:00.002-04:302013-03-08T15:10:29.629-04:30It's All Coming Down<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrOM4YBeSTcT4vmYS5UK9Yii_0BPlpAUksKxrCPAUKc_vWZKB9R9lp9tpLSJrS7DlhM88Y89o-tdBZb7ZmF-83Q0MzI3ZKOWzg5-GanpGdt3KCaGjrNGF9lv7q11JbYo-QM9eH/s1600/tumblr_mfu1gdqmY81qbah6ko1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrOM4YBeSTcT4vmYS5UK9Yii_0BPlpAUksKxrCPAUKc_vWZKB9R9lp9tpLSJrS7DlhM88Y89o-tdBZb7ZmF-83Q0MzI3ZKOWzg5-GanpGdt3KCaGjrNGF9lv7q11JbYo-QM9eH/s320/tumblr_mfu1gdqmY81qbah6ko1_500.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Promise you'll hold my hand all the way 'till the end,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">if I couldn't trust your words before, I need to do it now.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There's one spot that has my name on bright fonts</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A clear number on a hot sit that calls for my presence</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and I won't do much to avoid it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">not any more,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">it's all coming down.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've created this path of heavy words all these years</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and now they seem to come together to break through</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">easy would be to say that I can't do anything to help it</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">but I am the one pressing the keyboard...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">...this needs to come out.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Promise me you'll hold my hand all the way 'till the end,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">because I've done wrong and once they know</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">they'll know.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Help me burn these bridges between my stories and them</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">not because they should know,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">but because I keep on looking for ways to crash</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and this one sounds like my greatest move.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Your bridges are burning down</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">They're all coming down</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It's all coming round</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You're burning them down</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
It's all coming round</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
They're all coming down"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Foo Fighters</div>
</span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-67717251159941933252013-03-08T01:23:00.002-04:302013-03-08T01:29:32.116-04:30We're Temporary<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzcomPvnLNqiEuXPW5UE_VXWrZKsdHNkT-tKZX_Fx-LZWp5LUg_gJZBZbLln8KDoYB0yUgCZ38B14rVBLDNB3XXJ9KcsPwGypsG-epa46kZK9l9UvNAGMnUBByUq_uZvE41rYQ/s1600/59042_10151319549538552_1949834062_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzcomPvnLNqiEuXPW5UE_VXWrZKsdHNkT-tKZX_Fx-LZWp5LUg_gJZBZbLln8KDoYB0yUgCZ38B14rVBLDNB3XXJ9KcsPwGypsG-epa46kZK9l9UvNAGMnUBByUq_uZvE41rYQ/s320/59042_10151319549538552_1949834062_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Pages that overcome themselves, there's too many lines that reveal useless words, but that contain the essence of your energy, your story, my chapter in the book of your mistakes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Try again, I really don't mind, I know better than you that this solution of yours is only temporary, and the issue that brings you back to me will keep on transforming until you realize that you're only pretending.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Blow me off and hide me within the chapters, I'll be free in there, your karma will keep me company just until a new page comes along, trying to tell a new story, trying to yell inside of me, all those things I make you feel.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'll hide in here, for as long as you need me to, pretending to be that understanding soul, that partner who pretends for you, who nodes for you. This weird power that can brake your knees so easily.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And when you realize I'm not even real, and that you've kept nothing but wet lies, then maybe we could go back to our peaceful state of nothing; not having each other. Maybe then, I'll reveal my most treasured secret to you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">*Featuring Wal*</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14377830.post-3782274004678242482013-03-03T11:18:00.000-04:302013-03-03T11:39:25.794-04:30No More<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGTjoJVOLHZdxJrNIjEWqouPIWiJQiPaxIaqrgQyS1oNJedYFxeSNPQiZLwF_TYeWkEWt45oDnGbGyP9fjHTzt6C73OgCC0dcnv8Tc8I961BoAz3kSdViCa8Az1oYM9dmQiuhj/s1600/tumblr_lw7h8y1L2Q1qdl340o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGTjoJVOLHZdxJrNIjEWqouPIWiJQiPaxIaqrgQyS1oNJedYFxeSNPQiZLwF_TYeWkEWt45oDnGbGyP9fjHTzt6C73OgCC0dcnv8Tc8I961BoAz3kSdViCa8Az1oYM9dmQiuhj/s320/tumblr_lw7h8y1L2Q1qdl340o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If I ask someone what they think scares me, most would say not much... but not because it's true, but because I've made them believe so. Because even when I hide behind so many things, I do face many others, and I don't hesitate when it comes to control, whether some people like it or not.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I do, I like my hunger for control, and the fact that I feel like a winner most of the time; I hold that power in some situations, and even when it sounds like such an empty thing, it keeps me standing.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So when I lose it, when I don't have control and it hurts me, then I must do something, and in that doing this Ana comes along representing that brave figure. That figure people know and enjoy describing and pointing at. That strong figure so soft and vulnerable inside.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Strong, brave and all I still need fixing all the time, and most of the fixing I do it myself, as I'm so well used to, but when it gets out of my hands, and my own fixing is out of my control, then I'm in huge trouble.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So for this, tonight, you... I can't wait any longer, and I can't trust time or light any more, and these sounds will only get louder, because it's time and I need it. I need peace to come back to my life. So I'll ask you to push me down before you elevate me up above and drop me again. Just because that's what my head needs to heal my heart.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">These lyrics.. by Coldplay</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you try your best, but you don't succeed</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you get what you want, but not what you need</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Stuck in reverse</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And the tears come streaming down your face</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you lose something you can't replace</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you love someone, but it goes to waste</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Could it be worse?</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Lights will guide you home</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And ignite your bones</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And I will try to fix you</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And high up above or down below</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you're too in love to let it go</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">But if you never try you'll never know</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Just what you're worth</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Lights will guide you home</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And ignite your bones</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And I will try to fix you</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Tears stream down your face</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">When you lose something you cannot replace</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Tears stream down your face</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And I...</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Tears stream down your face</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I promise you I will learn from my mistakes</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Tears stream down your face</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And I...</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">Lights will guide you home</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And ignite your bones</span><br style="border: 0px none; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">And I will try to fix you</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00184353942939196371noreply@blogger.com0