10 after

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It took breaking myself in two, to find the pieces and fix them. Face and embrace my lowest has always been a strange hobby that I don't even seem to seek consciously, but I do. The elasticity of my own sanity continues to elevate me, and it saves me every time I test its limits.

My soul falls for sadness and melancholy, only because it shows the other side of what's true but won't always believe in, the idea of what's right and what can actually make me happy. There's a reason why I go after gray scenarios and expected endings, and that reason is that they always give validity to what I should continue to walk away from.

Never before have I noticed the breaking as the push to stop and stare instead of walking away, but this breaking was self-induced, and like a free animal not only I moved away from danger but towards what my instincts kept scratching inside of me, something I had walked away from because of surprising and unknown wellness.

It took breaking myself in two, to find the pieces and fix them. Now deserving feels better than before, and providing and giving myself has transformed into a much more colorful stage. Fear tastes like ideas instead of darkness, and exposing myself is part of the process instead of a forbidden action.

*Myself in this photo*
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The Only Time I Feel Safe

We've been shaped too many times,
Like a song that defines a moment.

They've come through us like falling rain,
Showering us with their magic and charming presence.

We've been momentarily tamed by their ideas,
Like a puzzle falling together under warm sheets.

We've touched unknown feelings,
Burning through every discovered inch.

They've stopped being a light for us,
We've learned how to walk in the darkness.

They've taken parts of us with themselves,
As they've left not to return.

We take those moments and wave them goodbye,
They will never see us as we were by their side.

One empty space to transform,
To embrace the magic in the constant movement
And the truth in the flow of our sensations... the only time I feel safe.

~ Featuring Anais ~
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Sharp As Time

I welcome you with no new warnings,
You already know me too well, more than you think.
There's one thing I define over and over as I struggle with the nature of my feelings
Honesty seems to own me, and it always has something hiding behind actions that feel so right.

This box contains emotions and the raw idea of living every moment,
Expectations, plans, and so many other analogies,
but if there is one thing that comes across every time
is that you can always take my words for what they are...
And I will always bare my soul in them.

I screwed up, and I took you for granted.

I still can't put my finger on what made me realize this,
but the truth is as sharp as our times fighting each other
there's an urge to remind myself of how it felt
every day, every minute.

I dream of seeing you on the other side of my bed,
trying to read my expression as I try to figure out what this could potentially become.
I wanna come home to you.


Featuring Elaine Cubillan
Photo by Laura Isabela Perozo
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