One Second
Of getting from them
What can't really get for myself
Pieces Some others, like me, became too protective with our own pieces and now hide from whatever could come and steal them from us. Presenting just this surface of who we are, but keeping to ourselves what makes us who we are. Because we know about giving away, surrendering and getting hurt. We know it so well, that we choose to act like fools encouraging others to open up and uncover their foundations just to be free... We encourage others, but aren't strong enough to do it ourselves. So insecure that even these words I must write as if they come from other people, because it is a bold statement to speak for myself when I say that I just don't want to let anyone in. Because how could I go back to being that free person that finds gold in the trusting, after loosing such important pieces of my? Dark Corners I smile as you hear these words because while you lay on my bed watching my lips move I admire the way you take these ideas so easily maybe because you dig them, or just because they make some sense to you But as I sing with my legs and hair, you lay still and try not to make me vanish Like a best friend to my fantasies, and I thank you for it I really do. Just as these lovely patterns of mine make you a part of my collection... I appreciate your willingness and grace while agreeing on my commands And babe, from here on there is nothing but this, just a girl that enjoys pulling souls into her junkie box. It is what makes me who I am Someone that hides her most pure thoughts and feelings behind a fake name, a smile that spreads like a disease from hell... Just like the one that got you here, in my nest of sweetness. Patterns that are my daily anthems with voices that come from the darkest corners, corners that you will get to know very soon. Yes, You Are I just can't find the way to you just don't worry about reaching out for me I will still get to you without your moves. I'm sorry if I'm still not there or if you think I'll regret this choice of belonging I've always felt like it, but I still walk forward. Sorry if you wonder whether or not I chose you and if you still don't understand what kind of person would choose to be with you I'm guessing this whole issue would make you think less of me and less of you so please forgive me, while waiting. Take this as a given mirror and use me to see your own reflection of chaos I won't mind if you do because in that process, you'll show me my own damage. I Do I've chosen this many, many times babe Don't try to explain how things work, for me, it is pretty much a well known game. I wish you would be my first, but I must admit I've gone down this selfish road many times, and even when you think this could be a whole different experience let the moment show you the ways I use to avoid the truth. I've always known, and known well So as you But when we get together, tonight, we'll pretend we don't Because we don't wanna face what's coming after the smoke is gone... I do like it, and I do risk a lot I do like to play with the coffee mug on the bed I do think the danger brings a sack of ignorance So, is there a door you need to go through right now? Because babe... that's all we need right now. And as far as I see, we're dead by now so we might as well enjoy. Make Me Come Alive
You help me and I help you
we can both breathe this at the same time
there is nothing waiting for us
nothing that needs our attention this moment
Press this special button and then wait for it
because I'm not awake unless you do
and I don't function unless you do
Make me come alive with those sounds that still surprise me
Make me inhale through your presence so near me
Make me aware of this moment
Because I don't unless you do
Because I can't unless you do
You touch me and I touch you
we can both be this way just for a little while
and if tomorrow wonders about us
be the one who answers for me
In Every Tree
I ran so fast that I didn't notice
and I came and tried to explain that I was just too eager to satisfy myself
you heard, but did not understand
you thought I was just lying to get away with the whole deal.
I jumped, one two and three times
'till you asked me to stop because I was hitting my knees against the floor
I cried and tried to defend my point of view
just looking for a way to show you my perspective and my plan
I hid within myself and locked my whole self for years
and gave you the key to come and help me if I needed to
but I would never let you, no matter how much you tried
I chose this, a long time ago and there is no way I can get rid of it
Even when you walk right next to me, and hold my hand everytime
I still choose to put my head in every tree,
looking for what I've missed in all the wrong places.
Lyrics by Nelly Furtado
It's getting so lonely inside this bed
Don't know if I should lick my wounds or say woe is me instead
And there's an aching inside my head
It's telling me I'm better off alone
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you will get some
They say that girl ya know she act too tough tough tough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
They say that girl you know she act so rough rough rough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
And I say follow me follow me follow me down down down down
till' you see all my dreams
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems
I looked above the other day
Cuz I think I'm good and ready for a change
I live my life by the moon
If it's high play it low, if it's harvest go slow and if it's full, then go
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you're gonna get some
I'm searching for things that I just cannot see
Why don't you don't you don't you come and be with me
I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe
That I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve
I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life
Where is the love that I'm looking to find
It's all in me, can't you see, why can't you, why can't you see it's all in me
Where is your logic
Who do you need
Where can you turn in your delicate time of need
Follow me down, follow me down down down,
I do not need I do not need nobody
Where is your logic
Who do you need
Where can you turn in your delicate time of need
Seek For You You, the one that could vanish as a cold breeze I seek for you. You, the one that my head dreams about every night without even knowing who you are I seek for you. You, the one that could break my heart in thousand of pieces I seek for you. Because my mind has a blind side that would tease me every time by calling out to those who are stones on my road, those who won't push me in the right direction I seek for them, and love them when I found them. More Than A Simple Bite I don't really get enough, and most of the times I wonder if I'm like this because, some how, you made me desire you for so long. This random, and very short thought comes to my head when, like tonight, you make me realize we are both the same, feel the same... maybe nothing is ever enough because I'm just that way, but I like to think I owe this to you and what you made of me... because that would mean that if you were able to settle for just one thing, then I could do it too. But by far, I don't get enough... even when after every taste, bitterness seems to eat me as a whole, and my head hurts right before knowing I can't wait to feel that again. The pure sensation of wanting and obtaining, is better than anything I've ever experienced before, and once again... I love the fact that I could say, I'm like this because you made me want you so bad. Like Candy For My Veins
Take these words and pretend they're useful
Use this silence and don't ask for anything else
Let me do what I do best, and be ok with that
Just don't ask for something more that this big lie.
All I need is to fake it works
Time will eat me, if I choose a different method
Just trust me on this, and help me if you may
Because the sweetness of all this is only your silent agreement.
No Nesting Allowed
I apologize if you come for no reason
I'm sorry if for a second, you thought I was the same
Maybe I should have said something
Or maybe you shouldn't have assumed anything
Can't control what you think or do
But can be honest about what I have to offer
and for things to be peaceful
All I have to say is that there isn't much in here
So sure, you can fly near me
I'll be as friendly as I usually am
but there will be nothing in me to give
and you can't blame me for it
The girl you came looking for is the same herself,
but not the one you have in mind.
Trade
How scary would it be not to have these? I wonder if the idea of keeping them makes any sense, or if maybe whatever meaning I rediscover every once in a while is worth the space to storage.
Every time I share less, but I take more... They don't feel they're giving this away, I just take it in shape of phrases, memories, situations, stories to tell, letters to write... I take all this and hang it very close, as my most precious possessions, because the way I see it, I had to give something away from me in order to obtain that. And if I do that... if I choose to lose pieces of me every time we connect, then I make sure I get as much material as I can.
I guess it's my way to feel I didn't waste any time, efforts, kisses and connections; I can't just set them free and stay empty handed. Some secrets must be shared, kept and these cages must bring us all together in some time frame... To remember it was real, to know that with each piece of me that joins them in their individual hanging spaces, we have something that makes honor to that moment of being one.
I own them proudly, they're mine as I shaped them with all the energies I took from the ones that chose, at some point, they wanted to know who I was.
I don't Know Her Reprimo, nadie lo hace por mi, yo lo permito y lo lidero. Reprimo sobre mis ideas, sobre mis emociones, reprimo con bases y en constante búsqueda de excusas. Me reprimo y oprimo mi derecho a ser, a realmente creer que me he ganado cierta libertad... libertad de sentir y expresar, libertad de permitirle a mis emociones salir a la superficie en forma de palabras. Esas palabras que quemas en lo mas profundo de mi cuerpo, al verse acumuladas y reprimidas. Porque temo de su poder, de su impacto y del sonido diverso que puede llegar a distintos oídos, otorgando quizás perspectivas que por reales, puedan hacerme perder algo que ya tengo, que amo y no quiero ver cómo se aleja de mi. Reprimo con permisos concisos, y con toda la certeza de quien sufre más con tal hiriente acción, presionando con increíble fuerza, frases que se arman solas y ya ni luchan por liberarse. Reprimo creyéndome esa necesidad plasmada en una angustia real, asegurándome que mi forma de mover las piezas es la adecuada y que simplemente hay un mundo más allá de mi misma que tienen a darle formas opuestas a mis ideas. Esa frivolidad con la que realmente creo, podría sostener todo... pero la misma que me muestra ese plano desconectado de mí, lleno de significados tan propios, tan posibles y perfectamente opuestos al mío. Reprimo y me como el cuento, de que en ciertas ocasiones, esto es exactamente lo que debo hacer para formar alguna cruda ilusión presente de felicidad. Gone
They won't leave me alone, as far as I go they are still behind me.
Some have left already, but there's still a few that will come to me
whenever this situation comes back to my current status.
I hate them, I despise them
Because they represent not only this raw memory of you
But all those things that you made of me
All the negativeness I always rejected.
They are silent, but make me notice
And even when I do my best not to look back
They remain near me, with all the dirt you gave them
Ugly feelings, that I never knew before
Ugly sensations, that I wish didn't feel at all
Ugly words, that sound in my head in some dreams
because as you might know well, this unfinished situation feeds them.
They won't leave me alone, even when every day they are less and less
And I just hold myself hoping they vanish soon
Avoiding doing the usual, because I know it would make them come back...
...And I just want them gone,
everything
every memory
every thought
every frame
Gone. Count
1_ I think you knew it would come to this, I think you knew you would need me away, I think you knew.
2_ You are probably mad at me for not being as weak, you are probable mad at me for not staying, for my expressions.
3_ You might not understand, you might think I should of see this coming... you might not know how much damage you did to yourself this way.
4_ For me there's nothing back, for me it's been all erased, and that also I think you know.
5_ But if you don't, if you think or feel like you could make some space to make me stand again...
Just For The Fun Of It
Too much of our own state of sanity we give to others
Too much we allow for others to suck our peace
Because we open as many windows as we can
Expecting some good to come
As we connect, we take that chance
We put our so weak perspectives at risk
And we do it waiting for something fun to happen
Just hoping it will be worthy
Sometimes we feel like doing this
Some others we fear too much
But if only we had a magic card
If we could do this holding the smile on our faces
As I suffer, I laugh
As I regret I also live
And as I fear I only wish I could also fly
Only connecting I can do this,
be a part of my own experience
and mock life as I engage myself
once again.
Heredity Of Crap These are not the skills I wanted to learn from you Thanks but I believe I'm better off What was that again? Could you please speak up? There's some noise in between and I can't understand what you're saying. Yes I would, and I'd probably be better than you at it If I just felt like it was something I needed to borrow, Then sure... it would be interesting (for you) to see me master this ...as easy as it was for you to share. No I don't think I'll be using that as much, you could ask the future guys and I'm sure they might agree Perhaps you thought it was fun for you, but as we well know didn't go as we planned. Fear of moving, of blinking, breathing or touching Afraid of making a move, being myself Shyness and blindness just the exact opposite of who I wanna be. So no thanks, but those skills I do not desire So no thanks, but you better keep them to yourself So no thanks, I will be a lot better without any of your crap.
To Flirt How confident can we ever feel? How comfortable do we need to be with ourselves? How secure and how real in our own skin? Always aware of everything around us. We open a window, we let them take a look... invite them to come and see this part of us, this superficial version of everything we can be. Fun in the playing, fun in the amusing reactions, fun in the simplicity... Like a very expressive kind of language that we've learned for years and that we allow ourselves to apply as much as we want. Because sometimes, we don't even notice when it begins. If I stare at you, if you notice I notice you, if there's an idea that crosses your mind, then I had what I wanted, now I'm pleased and you gave me the satisfaction I needed. You joined my game maybe not really knowing what I'm planning, perhaps thinking you'll take control over this, but so unaware of what I'm actually doing. This hobby of mine, this amazing way of reminding myself how connected we can all be, and you becoming a part of it just by reacting to my little smile, slow blinking and loud silence. While I'm staring I'm thinking, and I'm talking to you through thoughts thanking you for making me feel this way, for wanting to look inside and maybe, beginning something fun with me. How much fun could we have? How risky could our playing be? How much energy could we waste in delaying the pleasure of going one step further? ... and after all these words, I'll be flirting with you again, and again, and again. 2 lines-Thought: If only You were at the end of this bed asking for the right answers
Let Her Go There's all these versions of you, if in fact you believe that then go ahead and read some more. Not all versions work together, or show up at the same time, but they exist, they develop and they represent a diversity of sides, those that girls can own and carry so well. There are sides that shine and have bright colors, golden emotions and can elevate the mind over the heart in order to accomplish. Some other sides are darker, heavier and easily expand, those sides that can show up when our heart gets too functional to follow instructions. Different in each one, but we own them all and we must learn how to identify them and understand them, in order to be aware of when there's a side of us that is just making too much of a mess, and we need to take control over it. Like when pain numbs our thoughts, and we breathe, think and make decisions based on pure and toxic suffering or fear. That side, that version of us, we must try to control or just dismiss. Control itself can only do so much, most of our sides are guided by a balance between our heart and mind, but if we just give up to the idea that anything can come along and cause huge amounts of damage, and we just have to stand there and wait for it to go away on its own, then that's just wrong... at least, for me and my sides, it is. So the ideal plan would be to become aware of when there's a side that is offering more hurting than peace, and say goodbye to that version of us. That's the plan, and for some I could just be writing to fill lines in this box, but for me it isn't that crazy; it can be done and it would not mean cutting something out, just making a choice to feel better. Tonigh I'm not writing just for me, but for close people that might need this just like I do. Tonight I give these words to them, and remind them something that brings a little peace to me, something that made me erase that consuming side when I needed to, that side that would not let me smile again; we don't need for things to change, we just need to make sense again. Put that side in motion, out through the exit door, and let her go.
No Longer Match I'll be steping on this ground again finding a way to your ways and echoes seeking for wires to connect and content to attach to I'll be wandering around this space again looking for glass to see through waiting for the sounds of joy and ideas to write about I'll be swimming in those seas of stillness bringing words back to the surface reminding all this disappointment and broken pieces that no longer match Lyrics by The Cardigans I wonder what it's like
seeing through your eyes You've offered me to have a try but I was always late The filters that I use give me an excuse I take away what's real I feel it and it blows my fuse I hang around for another round I'm hanging around for another round I'm hanging on to the same old song I hang around for another round Until something stops me I wonder what it's like walking by your side To think before I talk and to move at the same speed as you walk I want to have a weight to keep me in your state I'm watching from above I love it but it's not for me Within In just a few lines, I could easily describe you... but I won't Not because I don't have enough words But because I rather keep most of them for myself In a matter of time and space Your presence surprises me Within the disappearance of faith and the lack of hope Your esence shows value to what's left In just these few lines I can recall this feeling Only because you've been always the same And because you came to fill the void
Unwanted Permission 'Cause they've told you about them How you could reach out and gain something better But there's too much in-between for you to see clearly And your trust keeps on dying to make it all even harder And they say you'd finally end up surrounded by any of them While you think of ways to escape, to fly away 'Cause it feels so different to try the unknown ...knowing how much risking has broke your heart They might be right, and my head crushes on this thought Seeing myself walking and nodding along towards them Sad visions of what I thought I was will stare at me Singing tunes of shame and wondering what led me to it 'Cause they've told me about them And I've met them as well, always with an exit pass Aware of the danger of staying too long But risking with each visit, each night, each permission I give myself Lyrics by Death Cab For Cutie Cath, she stands with a well-intentioned man
But she can't relax with his hand on the small of her back And as the flashbulbs burst She holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child And soon everybody will ask what became of you 'Cause your heart was dying fast, and you didn't know what to do Cath, it seems that you live in someone else's dream In a hand-me-down wedding dress Where the things that could have been are repressed But you said your vows, and you closed the door On so many men who would have loved you more And soon everybody will ask what became of you 'Cause your heart was dying fast, and you didn't know what to do The whispers that it won't last roll up and down the pews But if their hearts were dying that fast, They'd have done the same as you And I'd have done the same as you And My Hair Will Grow I'll meet you in a park or a train station I'll meet you surrounded by people unaware of this special moment I'll meet you wearing something special and with this unique and significative promise I made for you I'll kiss you and hug you You'll smile and stay silent I'll make sure you know how happy I'd be to be with you Because I've missed you for years Since we met... I've longed you for a long time and I'm sure my life will be complete after seeing your face So I won't make plans, or think of the best way to make it happen I'll just hold on to this desire with a smile Because we'll always be there for each other And that moment will be so special that I won't even be able to imagine My hair will grow and then it will just happen.
Wave After Wave It was chosen before she was born, that insane appreciation for the rush... there's not much she can do about that, what does depend on her will is the way she stands and waits for it. She's had different experiences, some more intense than others, some fresher but they all match at one specific attribute, as for the strenght they carry and goes through her body when she gets to live it. As a routine, she goes over and over to find that mark to stand on, and gets herself ready in a very unconscious way to receive a set of sensations, strong, powerful and hurtful sensations. It usually knocks her down, almost causing some physical damage and she can't really say what's so great about it, but soon enough she'll find herself standing on that spot once again, because they say there could be greatness after it, and she hopes for it. Maybe she finds different positions, thinking of ways not to get hit with such impact, perhaps she'll figure out how to stand quicker before letting the water drag her down, but I'm sure it will still break her a little. Somewhere there's a part of her head that has the answer to that way of living, probably it has something to do with the idea of maybe one day, she would finally be floating away... but everytime the wave pushes her down, it also pushes her far away from it. So she'll just recover herself from the last one, to then be sure that with fake will power, some sad awareness and low amounts of faith, her body and heart will be facing it again watching as the hit gets closer and closer. Lyrics by Fastball They made up their minds And they started packing They left before the sun came up that day An exit to eternal summer slacking But where were they going Without ever knowing the way? They drank up the wine And they got to talking They now had more important things to say And when the car broke down They started walking Where were they going without ever knowing the way? Anyone could see The road that they walk on is paved in gold And It's always summer, they'll never get cold They'll Never get hungry They'll never get old and gray You can see their shadows Wandering off somewhere They won't make it home But they really don't care They wanted the highway They're happier there today , today The children woke up And they couldn't find 'em They Left before the sun came up that day They just drove off And left it all behind 'em But Where were they going Without ever knowing the way? Anyone could see The road that they walk on is paved in gold And It's always summer, they'll never get cold They'll Never get hungry They'll never get old and gray You can see their shadows Wandering off somewhere They Won't make it home But they really don't care They wanted the highway They're happy there today , today What I want? One easy answer comes to my head, but this rational side tries to filter the words, even when plans get created behind this entry. Silly and stupid plans, that could actually give me what I want. Things I didn't want, things I refused before You brought and threw at me What I want, you say? I want to pull back time I wanna choose again What I want? Besides what I won't say here Is to feed anger so it would leave sooner Things I didn't want and refused before, like muting myself or thinking of regret you brought and threw at me making me drop who I was When I think about what I want, only one true thing comes along and I struggle with myself for it is something I never really wanted, and never really needed... But you did this and now I can't help it. Lyrics by Metric Black sheep, come home Black sheep, come home Black sheep, come home Hello again, friend of a friend I knew you when Our common goal was waiting for the world to end Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend You crack the whip Shape-shift and trick The past again I'll send you my love on a wire Lift you up every time Everyone, ooh Pulls away, ooh From you Got balls of steel Got an automobile for a minimum wage Got real estate, I'm buying it all up in outer space Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend You crack the whip Shape-shift and trick The past again I'll send you my love on a wire Lift you up every time Everyone, ooh Pulls away, ooh It's a mechanical bull at number one You'll take a ride from anyone Everyone wants a ride Pulls away, ooh From you
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