It can always get so lonely surrounded by so much people, sounds, wind, movement and still... so lonely.

This body of mine is sharing oxygen with them and I wonder if they notice that... I move a little and send some kind of signal to this touchable universe, because I either want to feel them closer or want them to walk away and leave me here for good, just walk by me.

It can always get so lonely as in each period I get to see people that at first were strangers, but then suddenly disappear within time, as I disappear from their own spaces. Another period might start and with it loneliness will return to fill their void. Because I can't help but give myself to it.

I will probably finish writing these lines, I'll throw this coke away and I'll stand up and walk back to that people, that realness that contains me; people that I will keep in this frame of time, locked just because we met and here they remain, just as long as present becomes past... Because loneliness will reclaim its place once more and I will welcome it with such kind smile.

It can always get so lonely, and it will hold my hand, blow through my hair, touch my heart, provide these inner and scary voices... and then leave whenever the process begins all over again.

Lyrics by Kelly De Martino

Hard to see
What’s right in front of me
Hard to say
Who I am today

When was the last time
You felt this way
I thought I saw stars
In your eyes that night

Long lost sea
Of silent mystery
Well worn coat
Of broken armoury
When was the last time you felt this way
I thought I was flying to you that night
When was the last time I felt this way

Because I feel in such way, and my skin claims that particular quality ~ You don't see it, or understand it, but I don't mind, from me it can spread and it will touch you eventually ~ These colors of mine can make you shiver and whisper, for a deep and soft song that is making our heads float ~ Standing on this weak ground, I express this sensation, one idea of reaching for a touch, any girl, any boy, any kind of energy that can make me feel warm ~ Breathe this red and green essence, while my skin gives you the idea of one true state ~ We touch and words disappear, we kiss and our minds go blank, we hold each other and there's no space or time to avoid this magic ~ 

Mine this truth from myself, mine this page of connection with my soul, mine this way of living to touch another soul.

'Cause if I didn't know you better, I'd say you won't be happy to see me... but there's not much I can expect, and it drives you crazy.

Would it be awkard? will this personality of mine appear to heal all damage done before? I should not count on you for that, I'm sure.

I'm almost ready but inside time burns too fast, this face will do its best to hide the words, the sadness, the questions and dark colors.

Could it be soft? I can't stop looking down in front of this mirror... Chaos seems to call for me and within that ugliness, your presence.

Makeup to hide this void, breakable smile to seem happy, one clean image to hold me through those few seconds, and these lines I will keep in my head.

It comes quickly and it will go faster, and hopefully things will be under control... Now my face gets into character and I'll be there soon.

In the photo: Flo

There comes a moment in some people's lives when decisions must be made, and for a couple that could be so hard... and I ask myself here: is love always enough to solve it?

I should not take me as an example to answer this... love I always give, and from my perspective my cup is always filled with it. The thing is that I'm one simple and regular romantic, that likes to believe in that magic behind love and within magic, power. Power that could move ideas and motivate change in people... because what we seek in another someone is that push and those answers.

So by saying all that I wonder: do we give all our love to be shared, or there's one small part we keep to ourselves? locked and secure hidden in one deep place.

I guess that would make some sense... because there's so much fear, so many things that makes us doubt, and in that second we loose that pureness of love and the idea of giving ourselves away... so sad, just so real and sad.

Am I wrong being like this? One stupid romantic that still likes to believe in that love that can fight against all odds and vanish all fears... but what I've always had, fighting against me is that people in my road that cannot feel like me, cannot trust or let themselves carry away by it... as I wish they could... but then again, could I be asking too much?

Our world contains more than love, and some of our biggest dreams are made of ideas that in a way can keep us from love, leaving it as just a complement to ideal jobs or fantastic careers. That huge bag of decisions that in one ironic way are rejecting that pure and absolute love.

So then again... Can love be enough? Could our cups be completely filled by it? Can I join you in your dreams? Would you love me during the realization of mine? Can we love each other besides all this? Do we have what it takes to fill this universe of ours?

Because besides me, there are some that have their hopes on you as well...

Lyrics by Sheryl Crow

I've been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos,
And drank til I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo
And Benny Goodman's corset and pen

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I'd never give up

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

You get down, real low down
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well who hasn't been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you french toast again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I'm not the kind of girl you'd take home

We've been far, far away from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos
And everywhere in between
Well, o.k. we get along
So what if right now everything's wrong?

Rise and shine, bring me back to this amazing surface because it's been one unique journey. What else do I need to get my feet on track? One, two, and some other pieces together for one huge puzzle that one box cannot contain.

There's this display of images and sensations that I gather and analyze, for one bright smile to appear on my face, this is how it feels the beginning of something new... a new perspective, a new change of direction, a new idea of future and the new sensation of skills to develop, and other worlds to meet.

For a moment my knees shake and my heart jumps inside my chest, for this wonderful fear of not knowing what I'm facing, and knowing exactly what I'm leaving behind. I don't think my head can put the perfect words to describe the feeling, and funny to think how everybody at a certain point get to this state of joy. Because I feel like I just got home and I get to draw what kind of music my time and moments will be dacing.

Fresh air ran through my body and my soul, and this kind of mystery never felt so great... For a present that surrounds me, for a game of actions that will carry me away and for souls that I keep on admiring as they discover their own universes within themselves. Sharing perspectives never felt better than right now; I'm just grateful that they let me feel a piece of their lives.

As for tomorrow, all I know is that this sensation will remain and the smile will wake me up.

P.S.: What a wonderful surprise.

Lyrics by Madonna

Zephyr in the sky at night I wonder

Do my tears of mourning sink beneath the sun

She's got herself a universe gone quickly

For the call of thunder threatens everyone

And I feel like I just got home

And I feel

And I feel like I just got home

And I feel

Faster than the speeding light she's flying

Trying to remember where it all began

She's got herself a little piece of heaven

Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one

Quicker than a ray of light

Quicker than a ray of light

Quicker than a ray of light

And I feel

Quicker than a ray of light

Then gone for

Someone else shall be there

Through the endless years

She's got herself a universe

She's got herself a universe

She's got herself a universe

And I feel

Quicker than a ray of light she's flying

Quicker than a ray of light I'm flying

I guess that it should be very easy to describe it, but as much as we know it, getting to know ourselves can be a difficult thing to do. And if you allow me to respond this, you'd know you already knew: we are too afraid of our own thoughts and the way we could function.

We are good doing some things, not so good with others and some we just try really hard to learn how to do them... of course, only if we put our hearts on it. But for that special task of knowing who we are, we tend to leave it for latter, at least I used to, a lot. The thing is, that for some weird reason, I knew what I could be facing if I ever decided to manipulate it, read it, see it, feel it... that deeper level where we all hide our basic material.

Below the surface, under what we show to other people, we have this ground and there we find all these particular ideas that are too honest to deal with, which is why (I believe) we rather stay away from it. But we all know, if you let yourself share my perspective, that's just pure lying. That deeper level is real, is right there and the road to get there can only become long and heavy as we blind ourselves from it.

Mine is not that dark anymore, I've brought some light to it, and have found myself enjoying while searching in this huge space, but also redefining something that I think, defines me besides everything else I do: I can't compromise myself in front of the world. I feel in a certain way, I think in a certain way, there are things I feel, enjoy and fear, I deal with ideas in a certain way, and most of all... I express and talk about how I feel. It's something that I've been fighting with for the past 10 years and suddenly just feels right to face it. I feel fine with this.

At the end, there's people that know this about me, and for those that have learnt how to deal with it, and care for me the way I am, I just smile. Because they have kept me real within this space, level or whatever words I use. I just am and function.

Searching for the lyrics, I heard a very special character saying this... it was just perfect:

"the thruth is i can't be with you like this

i mean i know i said that i could but i can't

i just can't compromise myself like that

i mean i'm an emotional person i feel things

and i need to be able to get upset and talk about how i'm feeling

i mean that's just... that's who i am and i can't change it

i don't want to

and the thing is you knew that

you knew it and you still persued me

because you want something with me

you are just not strong enough to have it

which in a way makes you a coward

and the saddest part is that

one day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna realize what you've missed

and it's gonna be too late"

Some kind of white rush that runs through your mind

and for just one moment your feet leave this ground

whould you mind me asking where we are going?

as if in that far distance things could improve this perspective

While I stare at this image of myself, colors mix and dance

they have learnt my unique discipline and can now amaze me

for just one moment I don't hear what I say

and these words are just lifting me high

I never thought a surprise could become such an awesome frame

so good that it just stops being scary

and my head floats within this cloud of sensations

for me, there's no better dream that one I get the chance to live

Some kind of white rush runs through my skin

'cause this is about to make me shiver and I can't wait to being smiling again

over those colors I'll make things right

and beyond that realness we'll keep this secret to ourselves

In the photo: Cristi Llorente