Eventually, becoming.


"I will eventually stop holding..."

I make myself believe this became a common condition, one that to be adapted must demand enough intelligence to make it clear, and for that condition to make sense, I'd have to be in total awareness. And boy, I am, I've always been.

Can't get a clear vision of how it got started, but I can talk about how it felt, knowing that by hiding and pretending I could get more and more information to keep myself calm and in control. I could lie and smile along holding myself for more and more time with the course of the years, seeing myself becoming another person, but getting what I wanted (in a weird way).

Not much has changed now, I still need information and honesty to remain in peace with others, but my attitude has moved to another and more innocent room. I'm learning not to expect.

Whether I choose to confront them or not, I now know that I can do both: I can hide and smile along to their actions and lack of words to my person, or I can just move forward, not expecting anything more just because I got enough of these four walls, and if I choose to swim away and risk the ones I'm leaving in the room... Well then, that might as well surprise me for once.

My heart could be getting colder within the lack of words, maybe it will get warmer later, I don't really know... But I do know that there are versions of me that are unforgettable, to which I owe my whole being and sincerity... and for the rest of them, probably a pretty picture frame in the back of my memory.

I used to fight against distance, people walking away, loosing emotional connections... and is not that I won't do that anymore, is just that I realized is not worth it. Whatever belongs or wants to stay near me, it will find its way to do so. My heart hasn't and won't ever change, but unfortunately, my views do.

The lyrics, this time, you won't understand them... probably.

Intuition said it was fair
All of you should know there's
Not enough to go around
Here they come again
I can watch
As they try they try to take it out
Here they come again I can
Watch closer now
I can watch closer now
They can't find enough
To take enough from me
They can't find enough
To take enough from me
I've seen the hordes, the hordes
I've seen the hordes, the hordes
Looking down that drain of yours
Cartoon blue jay
Cartoon black bay too
Cartoon blue jay
Cartoon black bay too
Intuition knocked again fair
All of you should know by now there's
Not enough to go around

But I never go that way
Other half of me says I should
Other half of me says I should
Other half of me says I should

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