Self-directed Life Es grande el poder que se sostiene dentro de las pequeñas decisiones tomadas. No necesariamente con respecto a asuntos de gran importancia, sino también cualquier tipo de actitud que se adquiere por motivos nuestros, y propios de un ser pensante que se supone somos.Somos tan conscientes de todo, tan conscientes que somos capaces de engañarnos a nosotros mismos creándonos dudas, otorgándonos opciones y luego eligiendo respuestas necesarias, todo dentro de un proceso de total comprensión pero que, al ser acciones reales tomadas por nosotros mismos, somos capaces de escudarlas detras de alguna verdad falsa para evitar ciertas cosas con las que nah.. no queremos tener que lidiar aún. No hay forma lógica de tomar desiciones basándose en el futuro, ya que es un tiempo que aún no existe, sino que se debería utilizar la información del presente (que parece poca muchas veces) para saber entender realmente lo que deseamos. El asunto está que si se vive de esa forma, es difícil guiarnos a través de proyecciones, es decir la forma en la cual nos vemos de aqui a cierto tiempo. Porque si suena tan organizado el planificarse hacia un tiempo que aún no llega, por todo eso de preparar y preveer... no estoy utilizando realmente la información del presente y si es asi, no estoy realmente viviendo mi tiempo real. Cierto? Lo sabemos y aún así lo hacemos... como actores dentro de una novela que seguimos nuestros propios guiones escritos día a día por nuestra mano. Se obtiene exactamente lo que se busca, aún y cuando es tan fácil encontrar elementos que culpar. Oh give me some light. Photo by Vivian Alvarez Lyrics by The Verve I sit and wonder, I often wonder I sit and wonder about the things she does I sit and wonder, I often wonder, Ive been waiting for this moment to come And shes the teacher and im the pupil but i aint learning anything at all, Now im falling into the black hole and i can barely feel the sun Yeah i sit and wonder, I fall to pieces Ive been waiting for her to come A bed of roses, her cheeks like peaches, Yeah i aint going to wait no more, Give me some light, give the light, yeah give me some light, give me some light Well writes a passage, we are mistaken yeah some are going to break into stone, the door is open and i am reaching, yeah it looks like a prodical son Yeah give me some light, give the light, yeah give me some light, give me some light. God give me the light, give me the light, yeah give me some light, give me some light Ive been there doing it to my mind lord Something is going on inside my head lord, Something is going on inside my head lord, Raw Visions Commitment Does that word really represent a lot? Or is it just the fame that has gained? Let's define it (Wikipedia): Commitment means to duty or pledge to something or someone, and can refer to: • Personal commitment, interaction dominated by obligations. These obligations may be mutual, or self-imposed, or explicitly stated, or may not. Many words that show me where the term gets so scary: duty, dominated, obligations.. I guess that to give a concept, those words need to be used, but from my point of view (or at least the point of view I'm trying to give here) is the following: People has created a monster out of this definition because of the reactions that get created after making a certain commitment. They tend to see the biggest picture before seeing the very small rut of this action: I make commitments all the time, and that just means the beginning and honest start of an emotional connection. But I guess that this already represents a big deal for some... I guess that in my case I easily make these commitments because I'm able to identify where I'll find good connections, and once I find them I can't stop sharing myself to them... But what's the cost of all this I give and allow others to take? What's the purpose of these connections?... The commitment begins the moment that our feelings get exposed, even when sometimes we still don't know what they mean... Some could already be in a relationship and still have made this commitment with anyone just because they have shown their emotions and sensations to the other person, connecting to them... I have made a couple of commitments as well just for being so open with how and what I feel.. But what have I put on the table for them to grab? Where's the deal between letting people know about feelings and take actions based on them..? Am I compromising myself? I think I'm paranoid. This might ring your bell, and yours, and yours... In the photo: eLla Lyrics by: Garbage You can look, but you can't touch I don't think I like you much Heaven knows what a girl can do Heaven knows what you've got to prove I think I'm paranoid And complicated I think I'm paranoid Manipulated Bend me Break me Anyway you need me All I want is you Bend me Break me Breaking down is easy All I want is you I fall down just to give you a thrill Prop me up with another pill If I should fail, if I should fold I nailed my faith to the sticking pole I think I'm paranoid Manipulated I think I'm paranoid Too complicated Bend me Break me Anyway you need me All I want is you Bend me Break me Breaking down is easy All I want is you I think I'm paranoid I think I'm paranoid Bend me Break me Anyway you need me All I want is you Bend me Break me Breaking down is easy All I want is you Steal me, deal me, anyway you heal me Maim me, tame me, you can never change me Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me Bend me Break me Anyway you need me As long as I want you baby it's alright Dual Once I had a dream, then a thought and then dream again... it was constant and it's been coming every once in a while. When it does, all my reality changes and everything is clear to me and no one else. ~There's a sense of reality just for you and me~ Closing boxes and moving on has become my specialty, and I've been trying to understand why is that even when that box in particular has been closed already, some holes get created and a certain kind of light comes right to me... as for today, when that dream/thought came to me again I could see it clearly. ~We are still not ready~ There're no boxes to close anymore, 'cause it's been a long time since we were in that place and where we are now is not even close to what we knew before, this time and this place is as peaceful and pure as we never understood before... It's just hard to get used to this kind of well-being. ~We don't need to prove anything else, anymore~ We'll always come around each other, we just need to find that trigger that will keep this realness within our visions for good. You're not ready to let me go and I'm not ready to live a life without you. I had a dream where you died and all I knew this morning is that we are so far from each other as we want us to be. ~No more glass to brake, no more ideas to show~ I represent two different versions for you, one is dead and the other one is waiting for you to understand what is it that you want. All your other versions I once loved are in that box, I'm just trying to hold on to the only one that won't hurt me ever again. Is now the time to find out if these versions of you and me are strong enough to live in an era that no longer holds that greatest love as an ideal, and are ready to love again. ~I'm still here~ In the photo: Wal Taken by: Vivian Alvarez Lyrics by The Cranberries I'm not going out tonight 'cos I don't want to go I am staying at home tonight 'cos I don't want to know You revealed a world to me and I would never be Dwelling in such happiness, your gift on purity Eh-ee-oh, eh-ee-oh, eh-ee,oh, eh-ee-oh X 2 Aahh, you and me it will always be You and me Forever be, Eternally it will always be You and me Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, Taylor I don't pay attention to the ones who never cared Find your onw direction 'cos there's sweetness in the air You will be the world to me and I will always be Dwelling in this happiness, your gift of purity Eh-ee-oh, eh-ee-oh, eh-ee,oh, eh-ee-oh X 2 Aahh, you and me it will always be You and me Forever be, Eternally it Will always be You and me Always be You and me Forever be, Eternally It will always be You and me Forever be, Eternally Denial, Revisited Every single day we all have little "wake up"s during our routines. Could be very significant or just simple, but it happens and some people know how to identify them as special signals the universe tries to throw at us. To keep this post as real as it can, I'll give my example from yesterday: while writing a list using a pen tied to a folder by a string, I realized that every 3 words I'd write, the pen would turn one time. By the end of the note I was writing, I realized that the pen was all rolled-up by the string, and that was my "wake up" for that Wednesday. What's my point with all this? Not to tell you all about these very special moments, 'cause I'd be writing about something you already know. My point with this is to analize how those "experiences" function; as for me everything should have a meaning, and if it not, then we'll write one for it. Turining and rolling the pen while writing is not only my thing, but it defines me... Also connecting me to many others that might have this "things" as well. For me, the thought from that "wake up" moment was: "this thing I do when I write defines me, what if I lose that?" So instead of writing more and more sentences about all I might think and question about the universe and its processes, I'll make it as simply as it can get in this box: What If? (Just Me) - What if I didn't like chocolate? - What if I was always agree with things? - What if I was less analytic? - What if I didn't have my own way to find answers? - What if I didn't believe in control? - What if I wasn't sure about what I want? - What if I accepted all their ideas? - What if I decided to fit a category? - What if I stopped being just for living? The answers seemed easy for me, and then they all said... Photo: Ruth :) Lyrics by The Offsprings So here we go Having the same old fight again So there she goes Same old game that never ends If I could say All the right words I know I could make you stay If I could say all the right words Things would work out alright And if you go I won't believe That it's forever And you can go I'll never leave 'Cause it's not over Replay last night Talking it out don't make it right I know she's tried, my whole world is her and all we've got now And if you go I won't believe That it's forever I won't let go Even if she says that it's over I know it'll be Different this time If you'd just stay And when we wrote this story How did it end? It was you and me for all our lives Come on don't say it We'll try again And if I'd just hold you We could last But she stands softly Tears down her face Hitting me, oh God This is the end And I'm waiting for you But there's nothing more now i can do How did you know How did you know How did you know Finally The fish in a blog
|||This one is for the a new box
I've spent a long time trying to define what is that we're suppose to call "ourselves". How is that some people say they don't know who they are, or that maybe they're on their way to find out that magic answer. What is that we are suppose to be? Is it what we do? What we want? what we like? What we love? Or is it the whole thing in a box? (can't help it) I've spent a long time trying to figure this out, instead of defining that for myself. But I guess that as I'd say it now: I think I always knew, sometimes I'd lost it then find it back, but it never really meant an issue. But there was something that always kept me wondering, 'cause I couldn't really understand why I had so much trouble expressing myself in first dimensions, why if I felt so determined in a way, I just couldn't put it in words for others to hear me the way I wanted. I needed to find a solution, so I started writing... The power that came within my writing represented an energy that didn't fill my person and others would see me, I guess I was still afraid of what they would think of me sharing all my thoughts. So this strange person got created, someone who felt like me but was able to accomplish all that I couldn't because of fear. She could write whatever and just throw it to the world, with such motivation and awareness. I would let her express my ideas in this new space. I didn't need to force myself to do it, for she could do it for me. As since then, she has become this representation of what my reality offers and how my emotions and thoughts have a life on their own. She is free to swim and scream. Someone asked me once why I would write through her... and the answer lays on how much control I've gained with this magnificent tool. I'll never keep anything for myself anymore, as for Annie will provide the words to make it real for others. Here's her new space, just for her. *Thanks again for making this possible* In the photo: Annie Blogfish herself  Lyrics by AudioslaveSomeone falls to pieces Sleeping all alone Someone kills the pain Spinning in the silence She finally drifts away Someone gets excited In a chapel yard And catches a bouquet Another lays a dozen White roses on a grave Yeah... And to be yourself is all that you can do Hey... To be yourself is all that you can do Someone finds salvation in everyone Another only pain Someone tries to hide himself Down inside himself he prays Someone swears his true love Until the end of time Another runs away Separate or united Healthy or insane And to be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) Yeah.. To be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) To be yourself is all that you can do(all that you can do) Hey... Be yourself is all that you can do even when you've paid enough been put upon or been held up with every single memory of the good or bad, faces of luck don't lose any sleep tonight i'm sure everything will end up alright you may win or lose But to be yourself is all that you can do Yeah... To be yourself is all that you can do Scribble Out There's so much you can express, if you think about it, you might discover how wonderful it is to find different ways to give shape to ideas for others to take them and understand them. Each person has magic inside themselves to provide their thoughts to others... but as wonderful it is, the universe throws complications for consequences to get created.There's such a big difference between speaking your mind and speaking your heart. For some it's easier to express their ideas instead of their feelings, and vice versa but always keeping some information for ourselves and no one else. Reasons everywhere... like fear, one reason that (I think) we all share: is fear of consequences. We're afraid of what could happen if we say every single thing we're thinking and feeling... 'Cause staying quiet might be safe for our well being, so we keep on saving that part of the information that we're still not ready to express. That information is represented by feelings more than actual thoughts, because with feelings things are always more vulnerable, and we don't feel we have the control to avoid any kind of uncomfortable situations... or consequences that might hurt deeply. So we get used to have that info locked inside of us. A week ago someone I met died... Someone who I wish I knew better, but I didn't just because I never really made the decision to say: Let me get to know you better, let's share perspectives, let me tell you how wonderful I think you are, and how much I admire the human you are. Today he's gone and what do I do with that "wasted" information? We are here today, but what if tomorrow we're gone... What happens with the one that stays with all those words, feelings or thoughts... The one that's gone won't ever get it, and we are the ones that are suppose to stay here and figure out what to do with the things that were not said. Words must get out. Photo by Juan M. Lyrics by Matchbox 20 All day staring at the ceiling Making friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something Hold on Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be...me I'm talking to myself in public Dodging glances on the train And I know, I know they've all been talking about me I can hear them whisper And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me Out of all the hours thinking Somehow I've lost my mind [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be I've been talking in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me Yeah, they're taking me away [Chorus] But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Yeah, how I used to be How I used to be Well, I'm just a little unwell How I used to be How I used to be I'm just a little unwell Everlong -My utopian reality-It might be just the way this universe works, but as I've learnt from it the control over change will always make a difference, and the only and very important variable will be willingness. If the way things appear to happen would depend only on my power and control, then it would not be better, but just perfect for a moment. And the truth is that this is not something new I'm saying here: if anything could feel this real forever. Not to just one in particular, but to everyone that I've protected behind that glass... just throwing words to them and expecting some reaction behind the fucking glass... Just seeing how they live their lives so far from here, but not leaving me alone just for a second. They can't stay away but they'll keep me hanging for good. Because there's something about me that they can't take as a whole, but they wanna hold on to it as to tear me out in pieces. Once I had a dream, and I lost them all.. one by one, as chapters, they where dying in front of me and there was nothing I could do to help it. While I was suffering, one very simple thought came to my head and got stucked forever during the dream: "they don't belong to you, you didn't lose them at all" I never really knew how to figure out why my dream was being so clear, but I knew so... I understood what it meant, it wasn't so hard to swallow. There's a part of them within me, but they're not here, and they'll never be. They came and took a piece of me which keeps bringing them around just to see me head over feet, pretending to take some more... I don't know for how long I can take it... I've loved them, and I've lost them... even when some of them never really were mine at all... no matter what they say, think or feel... 'Cause the truth is that I'm the one standing here trying to brake the glass... but you're all behind it, waiting for me to brake it... isn't that unfair? Just my utopian reality~ Photo by: Ryohei Hase Lyrics by Foo Fighters (fuck you for this song) Hello I've waited here for you Everlong Tonight I throw myself into And out of the red, out of her head she sang Come down And waste away with me Down with me Slow how You wanted it to be I'm over my head, out of her head she sang Chorus- And I wonder When I sing along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang Verse 2- Breathe out So I could breathe you in Hold you in And now I know you've always been Out of your head, out of my head I sang Chorus- And I wonder When I sing along with you If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang Chorus- And I wonder If everything could ever feel this real forever If anything could ever be this good again The only thing I'll ever ask of you You've got to promise not to stop when I say when She sang X + Y = N A while ago I wrote something about a certain Mystic. Fun to remember exactly what it means, as for someone who might represent an unknown box, leaving me feeling tempted for discoverying. But as my experience would tell me, that mystic (a kind of infatuation, or one of its ways) is just the frame of an empty picture. 'Cause the issue has always been the same for me: I keep on creating expectations over a regular line: defining this as the lowest you could expect People have their own flavor or "mystic" and it might work for some to create a connection.. Heh, oh dear I've been so mistaken.. I've lied to myself by thinking that "this" mystic is what keeps me attached. But hell no... I'm just looking for the way to figure out who they are. A couple months ago I had an infatuation, heavy and intense, and the boy did not represent that mystic I once wrote about, but a sign "ana you can't get me"... So thanks to him, I just got it.. Which is where now, I base my new perspective: I might be giving too much info about what defines me... I'm still trying to understand them all, and while doing so.. Infatuations get created.. well then, I'm only human! Lyrics by Relient K (let's see if you get them) I feel like, I would like To be somewhere else doing something that matters And I'll admit here, while I sit here My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather Whats the purpose? It feels worthless So unwanted like I've lost all my value I can't find it, not in the least bit and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all But then you assure me I'm a little more than useless And when I think that I can't do this You promise me that I'll get through this And do something right Do something right for once So I say if I can't, do something significant I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted And nothing trivial, that life could give me will Measure up to what might have replaced it Too late look, my date book Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone And I bet, that regret Will prove to get me to improve in the long run And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all But then you assure me I'm a little more than useless And when I think that I can't do this You promise me that I'll get through this And do something right Do something right for once I’m a little more than useless And I never knew I knew this Was gonna the day, gonna be the day That I would do something right Do something right for once I notice, I know this Week is a symbol of how I use my time Resent it, I spent it Convincing myself the world's doing just fine Without me Doing anything of any consequence Without me Showing any sign of ever making sense Of my time , it's my life And my right, to use it like I should Like he would, for the good Of everything that I would ever know
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