Track 05 For all that we had to go through and fight, accept, loose... To finally know that I never really had you, just my perspective of who you wanted to be for myself; I'll give you credit for that, you managed yourself to keep me away from your real feelings, yet always wondering. As in a philosophy class discussing the self, I try to pass this page on what just a self of you was the essence of this amazing fantasy... And during this whole time I wonder, where were you? My entire life... where were you? The darkness, the sadness, the sweetness.. Oh I need this, there's nothing else to tell and no more stories to share, so I'm leaving... so far, only stories kept us alive. The entire process of forgetting and avoiding became cousins and allies, I never lied to myself 'cause it wasn't fake, the feeling and the experiences and the constant bumping guided me through all this crap... keeping myself from others, to blind believe in words you never actually said, loosing a best friend with my premeditated actions... I need a lullaby, and as I face this ceiling there's a smile on my face while I realized that I'm writing these words and the tears don't seem to come to keep me in kind company, sweet and honest company. I'll touch your face, I'll talk with my eyes, I'll unleash my feet and I'll kiss your lips.. We're not what we thought we were. More that all these words... It hit me when I heard this song, it defines what I felt Lyrics by Natalie Merchant Take a look at my body,
look at my hands there's so much here that I don't understand Your face saving promises, whispered like prayers I don't need them. I've been treated so wrong I've been cheated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable... Well, contempt loves the silence it thrives in the dark, the fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart They say that promises sweeten the blow but I don't need them... no I don't need them. I've been treated so wrong, I've been cheated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable I'm a slow dying flower I’m the frost killing hour sweet turning sour & untouchable. ooh I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness, ooh I need this. Need a lullabye, a kiss goodnight, angel, sweet love of my life ooh I need this I'm a slow dying flower frost killing hour the sweet turning sour & untouchable Do you remember the way that you touched me before, all the trembling sweetness I loved and adored... Your face saving promises whispered like prayers. I don't need them. I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness, ooh I need this. I need a lullabye a kiss goodnight, angel, sweet love of my life ooh I need this Well, is it dark enough, can you see me? do you want me? can you reach me? or I'm leaving... you better shut your mouth and hold your breath you kiss me now, you catch your death oh I mean this... oh I mean this... 2 seconds Tienes dos días para terminar de prepararte, y aún sientes que la información no esta completa, no esta organizada, algo falta.. pero la verdad aun no hay mucho stress porque el tiempo ya presionará suficientemente. Ahora falta un día y probablemente comiences a idear cuales palabras saldrán de tu boca al momento de comenzar. Pero el hecho de preparar un discurso suena un poco intimidante, así que lo dejas a un lado... al final, aun falta un día para que te veas frente a ese reto de expresar tus ideas y tu trabajo. ¿Qué son 30 min? Es bastante, aún las ideas no necesitan estar muy organizadas, tan sólo saber que lo que vas a decir es tan tuyo como la sangre que corre a gran velocidad por tus venas, haciendo que de cierta forma te sientas abrumado y los nervios comiencen a afectarte. La gente frente a ti, de cierta forma esperando que muestres alguna señal de humanismo, que estes asustado, nervioso, o extremadamente seguro, por lo cual seguramente te envidiarían "Como muestra tanta seguridad antes de dirigirse a nosotros para hablar"... Luego te das cuenta que al pensar en ello, pierdes el poco tiempo que tienes contigo mismo para prepararte... Solo 5 min y comenzará, mientras tratas de encontrarte contigo mismo para que ese otro Yo te diga: "Si vale, claro que estas listo"... Pero mientras piensas en lo tonto y ridículo que es estar pensando en esa escena, te pasan otros tres minutos y ya es casi momento de arrancar con una introducción que será la más espontánea posible, saldrá de un interior. Tres segundos antes de levantar la cara, sonreir y enviarle señales a quien maneja las diapositivas, piensas en esto que una vez te dijeron "Sabes que estas listo apenas dos segundos antes de comenzar" y de pronto una extraña fuerza impulsa tus palabras desde el cerebro, encontrándose con tus emociones de logro para comenzar a armar la primera frase: "Muy buenas noches" Exhausting It's emotionally exhausting.. To choose... To know... To assume... To decide... I could sell all these questions and make myself rich, but I'd keep one of them: "why can't you stay here for al while?" People get tired of walking, walking, running, hiding, seeking, seeing... But this is just me and all I want is to stop time and avoid what's aching. It's emotionally exhausting... To choose... To know... To assume... To decide... I chose you once, I knew you once, I assumed you were that person and I decided to stay there with you... Once a long time ago, and it felt so easy to do so back then. It's emotionally exhausting... To choose what will change my reality. It's emotionally exhausting... To know that this won't take me anywhere. It's emotionally exhausting... To assume that our future could be created. It's emotionally exhausting... To decide for me, myself over you, myself over us, myself over that love. I wish I could just wake up.
To Care Tan difícil definir los diferentes tipos de cariño, son poseídos y
envueltos por tantos elementos propios de cada persona... Unos quieren de formas agradables, otros quieren de formas dramáticas y otros quieren de formas incomprensibles. Pero siempre tras la fácil frase que debería justificar actitudes, acciones y enfrentamientos... Porque así eres y así amas, así expresas tu cariño. Para quienes estan del otro lado del plano, asumen una posición difícil con respecto a cómo entender o aceptar ese afecto que se les entrega de formas tan diversas y tantas veces fría y agresivas. Pero ella dice que te quiere y esa es su forma de ser... Y el dice que no se siente cómodo expresando sus emociones... Y ella dice sufrir al ver que tu eres incapaz de modificar tus formas de comunicación... Y el llora al pensar que quizás es su culpa... Y todo llega a un pequeño momento en el cual existe la posibilidad de encontrarnos y decir: te quiero, y lo siento... ¿De qué lado debemos levantarnos y decidir quien esta actuando mal y quien no?... Tan sólo asumo que mi forma de querer es pura y no daña a nadie, del resto tan sólo aprendo a recibir sus formas de afecto tanto como pueda. Encounter You're there and what's separating you from fantasy is just the lack of willing your hands have to grab it and make it real. She's on the other side of the frame and there's a feeling of sweet waves calling for her name... There's an energy that screams and begs. In a deep subconscious level they can't fall, and the ideal of an encounter in that magical dream doesn't seem to be enough to satisfied the need of one look, one kiss and one breath. As in a short film, they can't avoid the end to come, and frustration comes as that small sign represents the key for one escape to the happiest place... Now turn around in your bed and give your back to the reality that won't ever come.
Quit Warning: extremely long! or at least it might be.For a while I've been reading over and over again, these old posts that I've been trying to put together in order to publish something and unleash whatever that's sinking me in this shitty hole. It doesn’t happened that often, that there's a lack of inspiration for me to write whatever I’m feeling or thinking, but when it happens it doesn’t take me long to find out exactly what the problem is... as for this particular situation, the answer seems to be pretty simple: what’s bothering me is not real, so I realized that if I write about it, I would be writing about stuff I’ve already written before. Now changing rooms~ In the photo: Annie Walshe Lyrics by Hey Mercedes quit if you're through with it you are gonna make me sick sitting their with your hands in your hair quit if you're through with it you are gonna make me sick no one cares who you carried to get here quit in a quiet murmur of spit cash it in with a whisper of wit haven't you seen them loving your commitment the show of a man who feigns a love that i love now i said it so by the time you come to we'll know just what to do we'll be singing and dancing for the death of romancing yeah i have finally found her yeah show me where it hurts quit here's your punishment you had the best that you will ever see you wasted it now she sees the good in me quit we could talk for hours and hours about you but we don't what good could that possibly do so by the time you come to she finally forgot you we'll be singing and dancing our rebirth of romancing yeah she has finally found me yeah i'll show you where it hurts you won't hear me breathe i sleep so soundly hear me stepping over heads to get ahead at that rate you will surely get your due but you'll have to wait around until you are dead you won't hear us breathe we sleep so soundly your lost love and me we're not listening Sit Here And Feel This It's pretty selfish to think about this, what I'm thinking right now... but I guess I can't really help it... and what's worst is that it's just an excuse to bitch for a while about stuff in my life.I'm feeling through other people, people near me and I can't help thinking about what the universe has brought to my life and how clear things have been. Some situations came just because others came out that way, meaning that everything is just the result of other situations... the universe and the weird way it works. But even when I'm a truly believer, I stand here tonight complaining about it. I give myself the liberty to say that if things were suppose to happen in a certain way, they should have... and I base my position in the consecuences that came after that "not happening" deal. For two years I've lived so many different things that although I enjoyed them all, tonight I wish they never really happened. If the universe wouldn't have change our positions and our perspectives, things would be so different, and even though I know this way is better for me, and there was no chance I would be happy following that old road... I know that at least I wouldn't be suffering all these other and new situations... Maybe it's just easier to wish it wasn't real. After you left, other feelings and sensations came to me and I wasn't ready to experiment that... I blame you for it, and for all that I've had lived this time... I wasn't ready and tonight I wish things were different, knowing that this position is as coward as possible. But I don't care, because of you and your decisions, I'm facing hard times and the fact that I'm feeling things that I shouldn't be feeling. Things were suppose to go in one direction, and since you and the universe put me in this other hall, I can't help but bitching about it... I hate the falling in love process and I hate the fact that I have to go through that all over again. It's not fair. I guess that it comes down to 20 min, and after all these words are written I'll go back to my crappy situation where my emotions and feelings need to fight against my reality just because it's not you anymore. As much as a student hates presenting themselves to the rest of the class, I hate that I'm not in that room with you anymore and I have to deal with all this new stuff... Photo by: Vivian Alvarez Lyrics by Trapt You don't ever ask me why you don't read the signs you give me way too many reasons for me to wanna get high Standing tall between my four walls and I'm about to fall so look into me eyes and i say it all [bridge] I am lost, I am lost so crucify me on your cross whats the cost, whats the cost to erase what I've been taught Get off my back dont attack So what if I fell off the tracks your master plan, don't understand [chorus] I'd rather live in my own Wasteland I'm already gonne I'm already gonne My own wasteland I don't belong I don't belong My own wasteland Scream at me until I shut down Don't hear a sound can only take so many cheap shots down on the ground I gotta go my own way this time leave you behind said it all but not enough for your simple mind [bridge] [chorus] You tell me what you want from me you never ask me what i need just let me go just set me free and turn these nightmares into dreams [bridge] I'd rather live in my own Wasteland And I wont waste another day it doesn't matter what we say (my own wasteland) your memories age and with new age I'd rather die in my own Wasteland I'm already gonne I'm already gonne My own wasteland I don't belong I don't belong My own wasteland I'm already gonne I'm already gonne My own wasteland I don't belong I don't belong My own wasteland Castles In The Sky Piensa cuando te despiertas en las mañanas... Esos rastros inminentes de crudos e inocentes reflejos. Pensamientos limpios. Piensa cuando movilizas tu mente para dar órdenes a tu cuerpo, acciones guiadas por naturales impulsos que nacen y te acompañan... Eres lo que piensas, eres lo que haces. Piensa en las ideas y las preguntas, de donde parecen provenir llamados prohibidos de nuevas emociones, alejadas de estructurados comportamientos. Somos libres. Piensa en quienes esperan verte este día, quienes dependen de tus acciones y a quienes tu mismo proporcionarás destellos de motivación, por tan solo ser parte de su rutina tan necesitada. Somos la enfermedad y también la cura. Más alla de toda esta realidad, hacia extremas dimensiones laterales.. Construimos espacios nuestros que de alguna forma enlazan los días uno a uno y nos mantienen activos... Existe un cielo horizontal que se vive a diario.. Piensa en aquello que elevas y mantienes arriba, con extremo cuidado y conservándose en esencia... Pero que a medida que evoluciona el tiempo, las realidades se separan.. Aquel cielo nunca estará bajo nuestros pies, manteniéndolos firmes. No un cielo alto e irreal, pero si un cielo racional hecho de piel, sensaciones y energías... Impulsos, aromas y suspiros. We build castles in the sky Dedicado a mi hermana en su cumpleaños. In the Photo: Cristy Lyrics by Ian Van Dahl Do you ever question your life? Do you ever wonder why? Do you ever see in your dreams.. all the castles in the sky. Oh, tell me why... do we build castles in the sky. Oh, tell me why... all the castles way up high. Please tell me why do we build castles in the sky. Oh, tell me why... all the castles way up high.
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