Gone
They won't leave me alone, as far as I go they are still behind me.
Some have left already, but there's still a few that will come to me
whenever this situation comes back to my current status.
I hate them, I despise them
Because they represent not only this raw memory of you
But all those things that you made of me
All the negativeness I always rejected.
They are silent, but make me notice
And even when I do my best not to look back
They remain near me, with all the dirt you gave them
Ugly feelings, that I never knew before
Ugly sensations, that I wish didn't feel at all
Ugly words, that sound in my head in some dreams
because as you might know well, this unfinished situation feeds them.
They won't leave me alone, even when every day they are less and less
And I just hold myself hoping they vanish soon
Avoiding doing the usual, because I know it would make them come back...
...And I just want them gone,
everything
every memory
every thought
every frame
Gone. Count
1_ I think you knew it would come to this, I think you knew you would need me away, I think you knew.
2_ You are probably mad at me for not being as weak, you are probable mad at me for not staying, for my expressions.
3_ You might not understand, you might think I should of see this coming... you might not know how much damage you did to yourself this way.
4_ For me there's nothing back, for me it's been all erased, and that also I think you know.
5_ But if you don't, if you think or feel like you could make some space to make me stand again...
Just For The Fun Of It
Too much of our own state of sanity we give to others
Too much we allow for others to suck our peace
Because we open as many windows as we can
Expecting some good to come
As we connect, we take that chance
We put our so weak perspectives at risk
And we do it waiting for something fun to happen
Just hoping it will be worthy
Sometimes we feel like doing this
Some others we fear too much
But if only we had a magic card
If we could do this holding the smile on our faces
As I suffer, I laugh
As I regret I also live
And as I fear I only wish I could also fly
Only connecting I can do this,
be a part of my own experience
and mock life as I engage myself
once again.
Heredity Of Crap These are not the skills I wanted to learn from you Thanks but I believe I'm better off What was that again? Could you please speak up? There's some noise in between and I can't understand what you're saying. Yes I would, and I'd probably be better than you at it If I just felt like it was something I needed to borrow, Then sure... it would be interesting (for you) to see me master this ...as easy as it was for you to share. No I don't think I'll be using that as much, you could ask the future guys and I'm sure they might agree Perhaps you thought it was fun for you, but as we well know didn't go as we planned. Fear of moving, of blinking, breathing or touching Afraid of making a move, being myself Shyness and blindness just the exact opposite of who I wanna be. So no thanks, but those skills I do not desire So no thanks, but you better keep them to yourself So no thanks, I will be a lot better without any of your crap.
To Flirt How confident can we ever feel? How comfortable do we need to be with ourselves? How secure and how real in our own skin? Always aware of everything around us. We open a window, we let them take a look... invite them to come and see this part of us, this superficial version of everything we can be. Fun in the playing, fun in the amusing reactions, fun in the simplicity... Like a very expressive kind of language that we've learned for years and that we allow ourselves to apply as much as we want. Because sometimes, we don't even notice when it begins. If I stare at you, if you notice I notice you, if there's an idea that crosses your mind, then I had what I wanted, now I'm pleased and you gave me the satisfaction I needed. You joined my game maybe not really knowing what I'm planning, perhaps thinking you'll take control over this, but so unaware of what I'm actually doing. This hobby of mine, this amazing way of reminding myself how connected we can all be, and you becoming a part of it just by reacting to my little smile, slow blinking and loud silence. While I'm staring I'm thinking, and I'm talking to you through thoughts thanking you for making me feel this way, for wanting to look inside and maybe, beginning something fun with me. How much fun could we have? How risky could our playing be? How much energy could we waste in delaying the pleasure of going one step further? ... and after all these words, I'll be flirting with you again, and again, and again. 2 lines-Thought: If only You were at the end of this bed asking for the right answers
Let Her Go There's all these versions of you, if in fact you believe that then go ahead and read some more. Not all versions work together, or show up at the same time, but they exist, they develop and they represent a diversity of sides, those that girls can own and carry so well. There are sides that shine and have bright colors, golden emotions and can elevate the mind over the heart in order to accomplish. Some other sides are darker, heavier and easily expand, those sides that can show up when our heart gets too functional to follow instructions. Different in each one, but we own them all and we must learn how to identify them and understand them, in order to be aware of when there's a side of us that is just making too much of a mess, and we need to take control over it. Like when pain numbs our thoughts, and we breathe, think and make decisions based on pure and toxic suffering or fear. That side, that version of us, we must try to control or just dismiss. Control itself can only do so much, most of our sides are guided by a balance between our heart and mind, but if we just give up to the idea that anything can come along and cause huge amounts of damage, and we just have to stand there and wait for it to go away on its own, then that's just wrong... at least, for me and my sides, it is. So the ideal plan would be to become aware of when there's a side that is offering more hurting than peace, and say goodbye to that version of us. That's the plan, and for some I could just be writing to fill lines in this box, but for me it isn't that crazy; it can be done and it would not mean cutting something out, just making a choice to feel better. Tonigh I'm not writing just for me, but for close people that might need this just like I do. Tonight I give these words to them, and remind them something that brings a little peace to me, something that made me erase that consuming side when I needed to, that side that would not let me smile again; we don't need for things to change, we just need to make sense again. Put that side in motion, out through the exit door, and let her go.
No Longer Match I'll be steping on this ground again finding a way to your ways and echoes seeking for wires to connect and content to attach to I'll be wandering around this space again looking for glass to see through waiting for the sounds of joy and ideas to write about I'll be swimming in those seas of stillness bringing words back to the surface reminding all this disappointment and broken pieces that no longer match Lyrics by The Cardigans I wonder what it's like
seeing through your eyes You've offered me to have a try but I was always late The filters that I use give me an excuse I take away what's real I feel it and it blows my fuse I hang around for another round I'm hanging around for another round I'm hanging on to the same old song I hang around for another round Until something stops me I wonder what it's like walking by your side To think before I talk and to move at the same speed as you walk I want to have a weight to keep me in your state I'm watching from above I love it but it's not for me
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