Selective Memory

3 voices


So many processes... It happens that our very special mind has a very interesting tool and is used to classify our memories and thoughts. We don't control it directly, we just think we do.

It's not a lie the fact that we are constantly thinking and wondering about anything, but only when we hide things right before our eyes, is when we learn how to remember... We activate our selective memory. Say what?

Our mind could be an individual besides us, meaning that we might (and are) able to play with our memories and thoughts, winning sometimes and loosing too. Easy to see when we decide to learn something just because or we want to forget something right now.

Our mind feels that command and starts selecting what memories we will hide and which ones we will contemplate for a while.. Moving in and out of the boxes. All memories are selective just because we give our mind the power to give them priority... Until is not necessary to remember anymore... Until we realize that there're memories that went to a fake box and it doesn't feel right bringing them back anymore... Until we know that memories can fade away...

In the mean time we have a process that can make us remember only the things we need to think of, knowing the reasons or not... Selective memory that has a power beyond our own wishes.

Lyrics by Senses Fail

Calling all cars we've got another victim,
'Cause my love has become an affliction,
What did you expect from me? What did you expect from me?
I'm sorry but I* THINK I failed to mention
That I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me?
Well What did you expect from me?
'Cause this has been building since I have been breathing,
And I know how it's going to end.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(But you knew all along) Try to forget me and just move on.
Oh my dear what have I gone and done now?
It's curtain call, I'm about to take my last bow.
What did you expect from me? Well what did you expect from me?
Without giving away the entire ending,
I ruined the evening again.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(But you knew all along) Try to forget me and just move on.
I don't, have love left inside, inside.
And I don't, have love left inside, inside.
Are you desperate for an answer?
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now,
Thats why I walked out.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down.
(And now that I'm gone) Try to forget me and just move on.
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now,
(You hate me for it now) Try to forget me and just move on.
I am not the one that you should blame,
So take what I left you for the pain.
I am not the one that you should blame,
So take what I left you for the pain.
And do your best to forget my name.
Read On

Kamikaze

5 voices

Este será tan corto como el propósito del mismo.

Si algo es cierto es la precisión con la cual guiamos nuestros pasos en variadas estaciones del camino, para ponerlo menos intenso: somos extremadamente calculadores con una que otra idea que tenemos, solo aquellas cosas que de verdad nos interesa por cualquier cantidad de razones.

Razones que por lo general nadie logra ver como nosotros, y usamos de base aun mas sólida para plantar ese paso, queremos algo porque si y construimos lo que representa y la función que cumplirá. Por irónico que sea (cosa que yo encuentro sumamente divertida) cuando las razones no son muy asertivas que digamos, sentimos que tienen mas peso para apoyar eso que tanto deseamos; en otras palabras entre menos correcto sea, mas queremos que se de.

Porque por alguna razón que por siempre permanecerá desconocida, nos sentimos increíblemente atraídos a situaciones inapropiadas y es en esas situaciones cuando todas las razones equivocadas hacen publicidad para ser compradas, y nosotros para cumplir con eso que llaman "crecer/aprender" vamos comprando cuantas podemos... Porque quiero algo, y punto.

Muy internamente sabemos que estamos armando algo que eventualmente caerá, pero eso no nos detiene a pensar y decir "quizás sea mejor no llevarlo a cabo"... no, es mas humano seguir hasta ver como hemos estado entrenándonos para estrellarnos. Sin que podamos culpar a nada o a nadie, más que nuestros mas crudos instintos de deseo de caos y catástrofe, es lo que somos.

Pasa el tiempo, crecemos en edad y en mente siempre mejorando esa fabulosa y retorcida habilidad de construir falsos puentes que queremos nos conecten con x o y. Tan sencillo como un auto-proceso de destrucción continuo. Nunca salimos de ese ciclo y entre mas reto represente el mantener esa idea, mas perfecto es el entrenamiento; nos enseñamos a nosotros mismos el hueco donde eventualmente caeremos. Es inevitable, nadie nos empuja.

Una canción que escuche hoy, una muy vieja pero divertida caja y un recuerdo de constantes caídas... todo para terminar de escribir hoy con una linda sonrisa en mi cara... As he (T) once sang "I remember these things... they all connect"

In the pic: Ed Rivero
Lyrics by Liars Academy

It's news to me
With my head against the wall
Feeling beat
But not beaten up at all
Right now
I remember these things
That make me think about you
Right now I remember these thins
They all connect
Let me tell you how I feel
All excess bleeds through the cracks
You lie cheat and steal
And you're all used up
You lie, this time
There's a train
Derailing in my brain
Once in a while
The driver says my name.
Read On

Better For Me (Unlikely)

2 voices


"No one can see it the same way through the glass"
-A.B.

Only you can draw the line that defines what's better for yourself... There will never exits that person that could have the magical power to show you the right way or the correct decision, or maybe that better person you could be. People can only give you choices, and for some of us it takes a long way to realize it for the fact that is easier to wait for someone to make it better... Well it's not like that at all.

There's help. I believe that we find help and some kind of energy contained in people or situations near us, but those can only transform into experiences when we make that decision, not because that person or situation leads us into it. Those who believe that, think twice and then see it clearly, nobody can have you do something just because... Manipulation is as big as you let it grow.

It's only when we put ourselves in inappropriate situations when we say "well I'd have to blame this..." And when we try to find the strength to get out, we think that this friend is the one that will help us. Could it be so easy? People don't understand that by giving so much power to certain someones they are just desperately looking for conexion, not real help.

But wait, do not misunderstand me I do believe in that friend's power, what I don't believe in is that lack of self-authority just because we rather lay everything on someone else's shoulders. That's why sometimes we feel so big for some people, 'cause they feel that without us they could fall... Oh dear, far from true.. Far from right.

Is not to push that special help aside, but to know that we are the only owners of our choices and decisions. That only we can define when it's time to make a change or find new perspectives. Also that we never put ourselves into bad situations followed by bad choices without really knowing what we're doing... If not, then consider yourself pretty stupid (you know you're not)

And for you, yep you... New things always feel this right... But don't forget that it's better to delay the pleasure than to eat it like candy.

Image by: Wal*
Lyrics by Trapt

Liquid courage pouring down,
sober surface hits the ground,
the masquerade has started now,
and you have faded into the crowd

How do you know?
How do you know
just who your friends are?
How do you know
when you've gone too far
to get high again?

You always feel so alone,
the real you is never shown.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under?

So much pressure to fit in,
you never know where to begin.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

Liquid courage pouring down,
sober surface can't be found,
there's no denial you can drown,
but nothing's final so turn around

How do you know?
How do you know
just who your friends are?
How do you know
when you've gone too far
to get high again?

You always feel so alone,
the real you is never shown.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

So much pressure to fit in,
you never know where to begin.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

I want this...
Do I want this?
I want this / I want this
Do I want this? / Do I want this?
I want this / I want this
Do I want this?

How do you know?
How do you know
just who your friends are?
How do you know
when you've gone too far?

You always feel so alone,
the real you is never shown.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?

So much pressure to fit in,
you never know where to begin.
Whose influence,
whose influence are you under now?
Whose influence,
whose influence, whose influence
are you under now?
Read On

Ugly Box

3 voices


For those who don't know this, I believe people organize relations in boxes. I wrote about it here before, so to give a resume: we put all our feelings-memories-sensations and things in those boxes that represent every single relationship we've had, friends and lovers.

It happens that we keep those boxes closed for a reason and it's simple: we can't never forget and for that, every once in a while we sit down to meet with those boxes once more just because we thought about someone or we are just feeling nostalgic, then we close them and put them away again in our imaginary storage.

But it also happens that some boxes keep to much pain and instead of openning and looking at whatever is inside, we try to forget it exits... Well for me that doesn't help and the reason is that there's a part of me that will always have unfinished issues. Thankfully, I have found the solution for that and is to put those particular boxes away for good, meaning not having them in my storage anymore.

It worked but it happened that after I did that, an ugly box got created, it's the darkest box and its content it's even worst: all the things I need to say and I keep to myself. For those who know me you can only imagine the size of that box. And it's not a box I can just push away 'cause I don't control it. If I don't verbalize what is there to say I consume myself.

Many things in my mind, many words for much people that I just keep inside to avoid consequences, hating myself for that action, for I believe I should be free to speak my mind without losing something or making someone think I will never be over it... So that ugly box gets bigger every time until I find the way to erase what I keep inside.

Because like you once said and showed me: I'm able to get whatever I want. With this it won't be different, the hardest part is done already.

Lyrics by Sugarcult

Watching your lips move together
Nothing's making sense
Talk to me
Talk to me
I don't want to break the silence with the taste of something violent
Come to me
Come to me

I don't believe the lies
Reading between the lines
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time

Watching every move you make
I hope you slip
I hope this fades away
Fades away
I get closer with the silent treatment
when it hurts to need it
when it's hard to leave it
Come to me
Come to me

I don't believe the lies
Reading between the lines
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time
I don't believe the lies
This is the last goodbye
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time

I'm letting go
I'm letting go
I'm letting go
God only knows it's getting harder everyday

I don't believe the lies
Reading between the lines
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time
I don't believe the lies
This is the last goodbye
I don't belong here any longer
I'll be gone this time

Watching your lips move together
Nothing's making sense
Talk to me
Read On

Unwanted Freedom

0 voices

If someone could have the power to make our decisions things might be easier, sometimes...
Beautiful freedom that keeps on reminding me how great control could be and all the ways I'm using to make it real, not to lose what I have.

Feelings and sensations that turned real in a moment, and went back to lies after some hours. 'Cause when you see what the future might look like, pretending is the only chance to keep it under control and on your side. Loosing has been my curse for a long time and by breaking patterns this time I'm putting a plan in motion: I won't lose it this time. I refuse.

I'll start a fight and push everything down to the bottom of this hole just to see myself bringing all back, just because I can, and when words are dying to come out of my mouth all they can wait is disaster, pretty and magical disaster.

No one would ever see, listen or understand... One of this days I'll be free to unleash and risk what it's ours, higher beyond this reality. Just to follow what sometimes I hate the most of me: speaking my mind. This undescriptible need of putting situations in order and organizing boxes, I just wish I didn't have to risk so much. I just wish I could put nice thoughts in your mind while I'm saying all that and control your sensations... Things will be just fine.

I can't hold us now, crashing down we'll see whatever there is and after hitting the bottom our shared perspectives will rise us up. Higher, 'cause this box is not a real box at all and I just can't understand why.

A year ago my heart was broken, and since then the way I feel has never been the same, thanks for that I guess.

In this Photo: Waleska.
Lyrics by Sugarcult!!!

What you wanted couldn't hold us down
What we needed turned it's back so
Out loud, we're telling your secrets
Out loud, to the lovers and thieves
Out loud, cause you never experienced
This is the side of us nobody sees

We're making something beautiful
Starting a riot
We've got this under our control
Starting a fight

What you wanted couldn't hold us now
What we needed all came crashing down
Down, with the lies and cover ups
Down down, to the lovers and thieves
Down now, cause you never experienced
This is the side that I'll never believe in

We're making something beautiful
Starting a riot
We've got this under our control
Starting a fight
We're making something
We're taking nothing
We're starting something beautiful
Start a riot

What you wanted

We're making something beautiful
Starting a riot
We've got this under our control
Starting a fight
We're making something
We're taking nothing
We're starting something beautiful
Start a riot (hey hey)
Riot (hey hey)
Riot (hey hey)
Read On

Man Are Happier

0 voices


Digan que no, pero es asi.
La razón es corta y sencilla: no analizan sus emociones o sentimientos más de la cuenta. Son capaces de, si así lo deciden, guardar todo en alguna gaveta o closet mientras se despreocupan por complicaciones que consideran innecesarias. Porque si algo sienten, son capaces de controlarlo y guardarlo hasta que consideren que deban sacarlo de nuevo.

Son más felices porque pueden esconderse tras un vidrio irrompible de protección sin que nadie más entienda o vea que puede estar pasando por sus mentes, viviendo una vida/rutina/mentira que suele ser más fácil en el momento; mientras que por el otro lado las mujeres tienen la Gran Necesidad de expresar-investigar-preguntar-saber-decir... y eso lo que las hace más infelices que los hombres... tiene sentido no?

Ciertamente ambos se mienten, pero al menos los hombres son "felices" haciéndolo, estan tranquilos y tienen el control. Bien por ellos entonces.

And for me being a girl can be the only choice, as I said... we're going down.

Lyrics by Relient K

I was gonna spell it out
In detail but
I dropped the call
Before I spilled my guts
The floor stayed clean
Like my conscience would be
'Cause if you heard anything
You didn't hear it from me

I'm sweeping up the seconds
That tick off the clock
Save them all for later
When I'm too ticked to talk
And I need some time
To search my mind
To locate the words
That seem so hard to find

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
The most crucial thing I lack is the thing called "tact"
And if you're always so intently listening
Then the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself not to say a thing

Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
To bit my tongue

I said I'm always close-minded
With an open mouth
And the worst of me
Seems to come right out
But I've never broken bones
With a stone or a stick
But I've conjured up a phrase
That can cut to the quick

And sometimes I say things that
I wish that I could take back
And the smartest thing to say
Is to tell myself to keep

Quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Yeah I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed

And when I finally do
Let it come from you
The peace of understanding grips my soul
You're the reason I
Have meaning in this life
Is so I swallow all my pride
And give you control
I give it all to you

And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
I gotta keep quiet quiet
Listen to your voice
Because the power of your words
Can repair all that I destroyed
And I gotta keep quiet quiet
Don't let it all come undone
'Cause if I dare open my mouth
It'll just be to bite my tongue
Bite my tongue
Read On

Pretend

4 voices


Just for a moment they could pretend things are different
She doesn't miss him
He doesn't want her
They could be happy
They could be free

Just for one moment I could wait for a plane to catch
Is there a place to be a 12:35 AM?
Are you who awaits for that perfect lie?
Are you gonna drive me insane?

Just for one moment lies get prettier and we pretend that we're fine
She is not from this planet
And he's not alive in this time
They have a chance to explode
To float and sail

Just for one moment things are different
And she is not expecting big changes or new sensations
She is just pretending to be O.K.
Going to that fake place where for a short moment
They are who they are

Just for one moment he pretends not to feel
And things are better, words are not needed
Is there a song to sing along?
Is there a hand to reach?
They find that lie to seek every time
Where they're free by pretending nothing else exits

Just for one moment people could pretend
Lie to themselves
Go to a small place where fake sensations feel better than reality
And no one is able to make it fade
Just sail away.

Because it's easier to pretend than to face
pretend than to face

-In the picture: Diana Mira
Read On

Not Necesseraly

7 voices

"Love it or Hate it
The good thing is that you don't have to take it"
-A.B.

- Como mientras manejo
- Dejo caer cosas
- Duermo poco o duermo demasiado
- Mi memoria tiene vida propia y no pretendo manejarla.
- Uso cholas, amo mis cholas.
- Tengo mis propias versiones de lo que es justo para mi
- No tengo horarios en mi vida, solo los laborales
- No llevo ningún ritmo constante de vida
- Siempre dejo todo para última hora, y organizo momentos antes. Me sirve, me gusta
- Uso más de dos colores al vestir
- Mi ipod es parte de mi sistema
- Puedo mentir, lo hago
- Considero la hipocresía como arma funcional
- Aprendo a través de reflexiones
- Pierdo el tiempo, Mi Tiempo
- A veces no presto atención
- Quiero otro tatuaje
- Mi cuarto es, el 90% del tiempo, un desastre y no... no lo considero mi espacio
- Puedo adaptarme fácilmente si así lo deseo
- No siempre tengo todas las respuestas, y cuando me pasa la busco hasta encontrarla
- Mi silencio otorga, pero también guarda mucho
- No me gustan los conflictos, aún cuando mi necesidad de saber-conocer-entender genere muchos
- Me cuesta decir que no
- Mis frustraciones vienen con sus días contados
- Tengo muchas buenas ideas que no termino realizando por falta de ganas
- Soy extremadamente perezosa
- Tengo interés en cosas menos importantes que otras
- Cometo errores que disfruto
- Digo más de lo que podría hacer con respecto a ciertas cosas
- Tengo sueños reales
- Veo y siento todo de colores
- Tengo mi lista de cosas por hacer
- Puedo ser chocantemente directa
- No puedo quedarme callada cuando existe algo que decir
- Por cada palabra que escucho, digo 10
- No soy quien fui este mes hace un año
- Aprendí a cerrar ciclos
- Soy feliz
- Tengo un grupo "X" en mi lista del msn y tiene el 70% de mis contactos
- He aprendido a deshacerme de lo que no necesito sin dejar migajas para regresar
- Estoy pensando y actuando más por mi, ahora
- Regalo sonrisas fácilmente
- Existe otra Ana y me complementa a la perfección
- Soy confiable, es un hecho
- Adoro la variedad de ideas
- He sanado heridas viejas
- Aún necesito aprender a gerenciar
- Tengo una sola adicción: el control sobre mi
- Amo usar vestidos
- Me gusta "jugar" al escondite algunas veces y solo una persona sabe donde encontrarme
- Creo que el tiempo que viene siempre limpia y mejora situaciones
- Tengo prejuicios que me detienen en ciertas estaciones del camino
- Soy más compatible con amistades masculinas que femeninas
- Cuando estoy estresada me duele un hombro... cualquiera de los dos
- He participado en cosas que no creía y tampoco creo ahora
- Son extremadamente variadas las impresiones que causo en la gente
- En el teclado, solo uso tres dedos
- Pocas veces mi instinto se equivoca, mas mis acciones a partir de ellos varían
- Necesito tomar más agua
- Malgasté dos horas escribiendo esto
- Aún tengo tanto por escribir...

Lyrics by Hey Mercedes

Left arm left numb cause blood won't come
Hard pressed and tested to our tongues
Fine friends then blend into the walls
And we're sick to death of waiting on em

So save that dedication to your frustration
Cause the brilliance of a plan is in giving up
There's nothing inspirational like watching angels drop
The hardest part of playfighting is knowing when to stop

We fund the function that will free
Well hell, at least we all agree
So roll in that polygraph machine
Cause I don't know what to think and who to believe

So save that dedication to your frustration
Cause the brilliance of a plan is in giving up
There's nothing inspirational like watching angels drop
The hardest part of playfighting is knowing when to stop

But don't stop now
Cause I just want something better to remember

Never any rest for the distressed
The losers are alive and well
In any given holding cell
Time for dedication to your frustration
Cause the brilliance of a plan is in giving up
There's nothing inspirational like watching angels drop
The hardest part of playfighting is knowing when to stop
Read On