Every single day we all have little "wake up"s during our routines. Could be very significant or just simple, but it happens and some people know how to identify them as special signals the universe tries to throw at us. To keep this post as real as it can, I'll give my example from yesterday: while writing a list using a pen tied to a folder by a string, I realized that every 3 words I'd write, the pen would turn one time. By the end of the note I was writing, I realized that the pen was all rolled-up by the string, and that was my "wake up" for that Wednesday.

What's my point with all this? Not to tell you all about these very special moments, 'cause I'd be writing about something you already know. My point with this is to analize how those "experiences" function; as for me everything should have a meaning, and if it not, then we'll write one for it. Turining and rolling the pen while writing is not only my thing, but it defines me... Also connecting me to many others that might have this "things" as well.

For me, the thought from that "wake up" moment was: "this thing I do when I write defines me, what if I lose that?"

So instead of writing more and more sentences about all I might think and question about the universe and its processes, I'll make it as simply as it can get in this box: What If? (Just Me)


The answers seemed easy for me, and then they all said...

I've spent a long time trying to define what is that we're suppose to call "ourselves". How is that some people say they don't know who they are, or that maybe they're on their way to find out that magic answer.

What is that we are suppose to be? Is it what we do? What we want? what we like? What we love? Or is it the whole thing in a box? (can't help it)

I've spent a long time trying to figure this out, instead of defining that for myself. But I guess that as I'd say it now: I think I always knew, sometimes I'd lost it then find it back, but it never really meant an issue.

But there was something that always kept me wondering, 'cause I couldn't really understand why I had so much trouble expressing myself in first dimensions, why if I felt so determined in a way, I just couldn't put it in words for others to hear me the way I wanted. I needed to find a solution, so I started writing...

The power that came within my writing represented an energy that didn't fill my person and others would see me, I guess I was still afraid of what they would think of me sharing all my thoughts. So this strange person got created, someone who felt like me but was able to accomplish all that I couldn't because of fear.

She could write whatever and just throw it to the world, with such motivation and awareness. I would let her express my ideas in this new space. I didn't need to force myself to do it, for she could do it for me. As since then, she has become this representation of what my reality offers and how my emotions and thoughts have a life on their own. She is free to swim and scream.

Someone asked me once why I would write through her... and the answer lays on how much control I've gained with this magnificent tool. I'll never keep anything for myself anymore, as for Annie will provide the words to make it real for others. Here's her new space, just for her.


In the photo: Annie Blogfish herself

There's so much you can express, if you think about it, you might discover how wonderful it is to find different ways to give shape to ideas for others to take them and understand them. Each person has magic inside themselves to provide their thoughts to others... but as wonderful it is, the universe throws complications for consequences to get created.

There's such a big difference between speaking your mind and speaking your heart. For some it's easier to express their ideas instead of their feelings, and vice versa but always keeping some information for ourselves and no one else.

Reasons everywhere... like fear, one reason that (I think) we all share: is fear of consequences. We're afraid of what could happen if we say every single thing we're thinking and feeling... 'Cause staying quiet might be safe for our well being, so we keep on saving that part of the information that we're still not ready to express.

That information is represented by feelings more than actual thoughts, because with feelings things are always more vulnerable, and we don't feel we have the control to avoid any kind of uncomfortable situations... or consequences that might hurt deeply. So we get used to have that info locked inside of us.

A week ago someone I met died... Someone who I wish I knew better, but I didn't just because I never really made the decision to say: Let me get to know you better, let's share perspectives, let me tell you how wonderful I think you are, and how much I admire the human you are. Today he's gone and what do I do with that "wasted" information?

We are here today, but what if tomorrow we're gone... What happens with the one that stays with all those words, feelings or thoughts... The one that's gone won't ever get it, and we are the ones that are suppose to stay here and figure out what to do with the things that were not said.

-My utopian reality-

A while ago I wrote something about a certain Mystic. Fun to remember exactly what it means, as for someone who might represent an unknown box, leaving me feeling tempted for discoverying.

But as my experience would tell me, that mystic (a kind of infatuation, or one of its ways) is just the frame of an empty picture. 'Cause the issue has always been the same for me: I keep on creating expectations over a regular line: defining this as the lowest you could expect

People have their own flavor or "mystic" and it might work for some to create a connection.. Heh, oh dear I've been so mistaken.. I've lied to myself by thinking that "this" mystic is what keeps me attached. But hell no... I'm just looking for the way to figure out who they are.

A couple months ago I had an infatuation, heavy and intense, and the boy did not represent that mystic I once wrote about, but a sign "ana you can't get me"... So thanks to him, I just got it.. Which is where now, I base my new perspective: I might be giving too much info about what defines me...

I'm still trying to understand them all, and while doing so.. Infatuations get created.. well then, I'm only human!