It takes so much to hold on to some things, that we lose the north in a way. Just what happens when we start talking about certain topic and we get to a point that we completly forget why we began to talk about that.

There's fear within people and sensations that get damaged by fear. But fear does not represent a disease to take care of, but a kind of dark factor that can show itself in many different shapes. It gets pretty imposible to handle fear just for that reason, so we spend our lives trying to avoid being afraid, but scared of fear as well.

Tonight I realized that within all my fears, one of the biggest is to hold scared people to my life. For my condition, I take their fears and turn them into mine; just to stablish a weird connection and maybe try to maintain relationships.. I've always wonder why my expectations seem to be enemies instead of allies, and for the lack of answers I've been able to get, I began thinking about this posibility: it's because of fear.

Fear to let go, fear to hold on, fear to express too much, fear of loneliness, fear of not being enough for people and the worst: fear of being misunderstood... it happens all the time.

But what I really want, what I've always wanted is to feel ok with whatever I say or show or do... but the fuckin perspectives get through people's mind and fear gets created. There's nothing I can do, and it has been a struggle to assume that. Which is why I'm now expressing here: I got nothing to do around people that lie and say they don't fear, 'cause they do and what is worst, they seem to fear me...

If there's something I'm glad for is the fact that I'm getting used to this way of learning (anyways it's always been fun just using the term)..: the rough way.