Waste My Hate

Recuerdo que era una de las pocas cosas que no podia controlar estando con el. Me decia: tu tienes muchas virtudes, pero el molestarte no es una de ellas.

Resulta que puedo ser una persona muy facil de tratar o manejar, me llevo bien con muchos y soy muy abierta a otras opniones aun cuando pueda no compartirlas; me considero una persona bastante politica.
Pero cuando me molesto por algo dejo de ser la caraja de pinga que muchos conocen, inclusive yo misma.

Asi como todo ser humano esta lleno de hormonas y emociones, me puedo molestar mucho, extremadamente... sea cual sea la razon (considero que cuando estoy molesta es porque existre una razon de peso suficiente) es algo dificil controlar ese enojo. Supongo que no necesito justificarme, tan solo me molesto cuando lo considero necesario y mis razones son de peso lo suficientemente importante como para saber que mi molestia durara lo que necesite durar.

Lo que si admito, es mi falta de control sobre mis acciones en ese estado; al enojarme con alguien me cuesta mucho manejar mis reacciones antes durante y despues de la situacion. Ejemplo sencillo: tu me haces poner brava y no pretendas que este bien luego de solucionar las cosas; bien podemos llegar a un acuerdo y fino la problematica es resuelta, pero la sensacion de amargura dentro de mi no se aleja asi de facil, y no intentes apresurar las cosas, porque resultara peor.

En fin, asumo que no controlo mucho esa emocion en especifico, tan solo expreso aqui la forma en que lo manejo poniendo claro que no tengo intenciones de cambiar. Me molesto con algo o con alguien y amo la forma en que reacciona, alguien dijo por alli que me hace mas humana.

Hoy estoy increiblemente molesta, no con algo sino con muchas personas... al despertar no entendia bien las razones de mi amargura o por que me habia despertado con esa sensacion tan fea en mi. Luego de pensarlo todo el dia creo haberlo entendido:

I'm pissed at you 'cause deep inside me i feel you won't let me go, and even when i'm fine with the fact that we'll be around each other forever and ever, i hate our situations... i'll always hate them. I could find someone else and you could as well but i can't help it... we could be the greatest friends, and i'm fine with it.... but deep inside, tonight i hate us.

I'm pissed at you 'cause you really have no idea of how much you mean to me, and you'll keep hurting yourself knowing or not, and thinking that i don't give a damn. I'm angry 'cause you are my person and there's no way you'll ever feel as important enough just to try not to get fucked up. I'm pissed 'cause you have no idea of how much you hurt me when you get hurt. I guess a part of you will never get it.

I'm pissed at you just because is the only way of loving that i've known for a long time, becoming friends has been a big process and i hate the fact that part of you will never be able to get me the way i get you. Like you once said: we're like oil... just too heavy to make it work. Oh well, if there's something that has kept us together i guess that would be more than enough for us to get along not only when you need me... have you ever thought i might need you as well?

I'm pissed at you 'cause i was not supposed to feel this way. Is not my fault and is better for me to pretend it's yours. Liking you has been the greatest distraction i've had for some time and i hate myself for it. If i could ask god for a favor it would be the power to control my feelings every time i see your face... i hate myself dreaming of you, i hate myself wanting you and i hate myself feeling you.

I'm pissed at you 'cause for an unknown reason you became my wall, there was nothing that could bring me down even when i had to go through very hard times and now that things have been getting better i feel upset because i see you as that wall. Why do i need to feel your support to feel better? I never tried that before, than why now? I think i'm more pissed at myself than i'm pissed at you.

I'm pissed at Ana 'cause for some reason she has been trying too hard to pretend she's fine and that she has the control over everything. And right in that moment when she realizes she doesn'y have it she freaks out. I hate her when she thinks whe could stay in that hole just because it makes her feel secure, even when she knows it's a huge lie.

I could be angry, upset and pissed... and the sad part is that i will only talk about it tonight 'cause tomorrow i'll pretend to be o.k. once more.


Lyrics by Metallica

Good day, how do
And I send a smile to you
Don't waste, waste your breath
And I won't waste my hate on you

Ain't gonna waste my hate
Ain't gonna waste my hate on you
I think I'll keep it for myself
Ain't gonna give no more
Ain't got the time to help you score
I think it's time ya pleased yourself

Good day, how do
And I send a smile to you
Don't waste, waste your breath
And I won't waste my hate on you

Think you're worthy now
Think enough to even raise the brow
And to laugh and tip that two pronged crown

I see my hands, I see my feet
I feel that blood that pumps in beat
But where the hell's my mind goin' now?

Good day, how do
And I send a smile to you
Don't waste, waste your breath
And I won't waste my hate on you

Ain't gonna waste my hate
But I'm so greedy when they say
(It's) better to give than to receive

Ain't gonna waste my hate
No, no ain't got tim e to waste my hate on you
Yea, I think I'm gonna keep it all for myself

Good day, how do
And I send a smile to you
Don't waste, waste your breath
And I won't waste my hate on you

3 voices:

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