... (Part II) I'm afraid 'cause I'm alone
I'm afraid 'cause I have no place to belong I'm afraid 'cause there's no one waiting for me I'm afraid 'cause I have nothing to keep me awake I'm afraid 'cause there's no reason for me to smile I'm afraid 'cause I feel that I'm missing something I'm afraid 'cause I'm stuck I'm afraid 'cause I don't know how to fix me I'm afraid 'cause I can't think clearly I'm afraid 'cause I'm unable to ask for help I'm afraid 'cause I can't speak out loud I'm afraid 'cause I can't organize my feelings I'm afraid 'cause I don't move I'm afraid 'cause I'm pushing people away I'm afraid 'cause I'm losing my road I'm afraid 'cause I'm keeping myself from love I'm afraid 'cause fear it's taking over me Girls In The Bathroom Este es para tratar de responder a la famosa pregunta que la mayoria de los hombres se hacen: ¿Que van a hacer las mujeres al baño (aveces juntas)? Asi que aqui se los respondo:1.- Cuando van en compañia no es porque queramos vernos una a la otra haciendo pipi o mostrarnos algun secreto extraño en nuestro cuerpo es simplemente para: 1.1.- Comentar algo de DEMASIADA urgencia, que no puede esperar hasta mas tarde o mañana 1.2.- Mostrar un mensajito de texto que le acaba de llegar a la amiga... 1.3.- Preguntarle si el hilo se le marca, o si el sosten se le baja demasiado o si la franela por detras esta bien acomodada. 1.4.- Para decirle que fulano la esta mirando y que deberia de echarle bolas 2.- Al ir al baño las mujeres hacen llamadas el 98% de las veces, porque? porque primero es menos ruidoso, segundo porque nadie se supone va a escuchar lo que vas a decirle al otro y tercero porque es ley 3.- Las mujeres van al baño a pelear, asi como los hombres dicen "vamos a solucionar esto afuera" las mujeres se van por la tangente "te veo en el baño perra" 4.- Cuando las mujeres estan en el baño se arreglan: el hilo, pantalon o falda, franelda, sosten, cabello, maquillaje, labios, dientes, aliento, manos, pies, caderas, estabilidad o equilibrio, elocuencia, ebriedad o sobriedad, etc... Porque? porque muchas van antes de hacer algo decisivo con respecto a algun fulano que les llamo la atencion en el sitio donde estan rumbenado 5.- Algunas mujeres van al baño a descansar, se meten en los cubiculos y arrecuestan la cabeza contra la pared, sola para descansar unos minutos. Claro deben de llevar una amiga que las despierte (con esa borrachera, no digo yo...) 6.- Las mujeres van al baño (solteras o no) a llamar a cualquier ex, cacho o arrejunte que puedan conseguir, porque el nivel de alcohol es tal que necesitan testosterona para equilibrar el asunto 7.- A orinar y lavarse las manos (las mujeres SI nos lavamos las manos) Todo esto lo pense hoy mientras iba al baño y esperaba en UNA COLA para poder entrar, porque sinceramente las mujeres son una vaina seria, si fueran a hacer solo el numero 7 no se formaria cola porque que tanto pueden tardarse? Pero ni modo son asi y no creo que cambien, porque no me incluyo? porque odio los baños publicos si necesitara hacer cualquiera de lo anterior me buscaria otro sitio. Los baños publicos son insoportables, en el sitio que sea y solo voy cuando mis necesidades fisiologicas me lo piden, detesto cuando alguien me dice "acompavame al baño!".... para que?! Supongo esto es todo, si alguien lee y piensa me comi algo comentenlo para agregarlo. Edited, added later: I decided to translate my post so more people can read me. Starting with this one. (Let's see how good I am translating) This one is to answer the doubt that most of the guys have, and it's: What do girls do when they go to the bathroom (sometimes together)? So here I'll try to answer: 1.- When they go together is not because they want to see each other stuff or show each other something about their bodies or see the friend doing pee, is just to: 1.1.- Comment something very important and urgent, that cannot wait 'till tomorrow or later. 1.2.- Show their friend a SMS that she just got 1.3.- Ask the friend how her clothes are... the bra, the top whatever... 1.4.- Tell the friend that this certain guy is looking at her and she should try to do something about that 2.- When girls go to the bathroom is because they want to talk with someone on the phone and outside is noisy or because they don't want someone they are with to listen to the conversation they are about to have 3.- Some women go to the bathroom to fight, just like when guys tell each other "Let's fix this outside" girls say "I'll see you in the bathroom bitch" 4.- When women are in the bathroom they fix: underware, sckirt, top, hair, makeup, breath, hands, feet, hips, balance, to check how drunk they are... why? 'cause they are about to make a move on a guy that caught their attention 5.- Some women go to the bathroom to rest, they lock themselves in it and put their head against the wall or the bathroom's door just for a few minutes... of course they have to bring a friend to wake them up 6.- Women go to the bathroom (single or not) to call guys (lovers most of the time) 'cause the alcohol level is so high that they need to get some testosterone to be equal 7.- And women go to the bathroom to pee and to wash their hands after (we DO wash our hands after doing that) I thought about all these facts while I was trying to go to the bathroom tonight waiting in A LINE to get in, 'cause honestly women are the worst, if they would only go to the bathroom to do number 7 that line wouldn't exist 'cause how long it can take? But that's the way they are and I don't think it will change, and why am I not included? 'cause I hate public bathrooms, if I needed to do any of those facts I would do them somewhere else. Public bathrooms are annoying, where ever I go and I only go to those bathrooms when my body ask me to go, I hate when someone else come and say "please come to the bathroom with me"... What for?! I guess that's it, if someone reads this and thinks that I missed something, write it down as a comment. How About? (Part I)
I'm afraid and what's worst is that I'm aware of it.
I need to let myself go  how bout getting off these antibiotics how bout stopping eating when I'm full up how bout them transparent dangling carrots how bout that ever elusive kudo thank you india thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you consequence thank you thank you silence how bout me not blaming you for everything how bout me enjoying the moment for once how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you how bout grieving it all one at a time thank you india thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you consequence thank you thank you silence the moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle the moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down how bout no longer being masochistic how bout remembering your divinity how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out how bout not equating death with stopping thank you india thank you providence thank you disillusionment thank you nothingness thank you clarity thank you thank you silence Annie's Background Escuche una cancion que me inspiro este post. En la cancion salen 5 personajes, y 4 de ellos representan los que han sido parte de mis relaciones importantes todos diferentes y con ciertas caracteristicas distintivas. El 5to personaje (que aparece de primero en la cancion) no fue, es o sera relacion, pero tiene a quien representar... So here we go:
Lyrics by Alanis M. dear matthew I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship
with someone right now and I respect that I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future and you want to come visit me in california I would be open to spending time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song dear jonathan I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me and think solely about themselves and you were plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time I used to say the more tragic the better the truth is whenever I think of the early 90's your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday dear terrance I love you muchly you've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive and nurturing and consummately there for me I kept drawing you in and pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to fall asleep on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you were the best platform from which to jump beyond myself what was wrong with me dear marcus you rocked my world you had a charismatic way about you with the women and you got me seriously thinking about spirituality and you wouldn't let me get away with kicking my own ass but I could never really feel relaxed and looked out for around you though and that stopped us from going any further than we did and it's kinda too bad becasue we could've had much more fun dear lou we learned so much I realize we won't be able to talk for some time and I understand that as I do you the long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could we were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career about your whereabouts Soon I need to write, but it's not the time yetI think this is big, it's important... so I'll wait Soon Just Some Lines That You've Heard Before And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be In a land of make believe That don't believe in me ~ Dearly beloved are you listening? I can't remember a word that you were saying Are we demented or am I disturbed? The space that's in between insane and insecure Oh therapy, can you please fill the void? Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed Nobody's perfect and I stand accused For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse ~ You know me, oh you think you do you just don't seem to see I've been waiting all this time to be, something I can't define So let's cause a scene, clap our hands and stomp our feet or something, yeah something I've just got to get myself over me ~ Don't you want to see it come down There for throwing your arms around an sayin "you're a moment too soon" ~ two of us sitting alone again in silence wondering what your eyes might see me as this time sometimes i wish you thought out loud it's so much different now and all along I never thought we were wrong you and i meeting again another circle better than nothing at all i'm glad we came sometimes i wish that we could change and make it past this somehow ~ Anybody heading in my direction Away from the city Anybody wanna change the way they feel Step inside Doesnt really matter where you wanna take me Away from the city I wanna start again I wanna start again A wanna take it back I wanna start again Start again ~ Always the wrong way never the right way Forward and backward over and over Talk is cheap so i bought every word you said it scared me half to death now i'm half dead ~ And all I really want is some patience A way to calm the angry voice And all I really want is deliverance Do I wear you out You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out I'm consumed by the chill of solitary I'm like Estella I like to reel it in and then spit it out I'm frustrated by your apathy And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land If only I could meet the Maker Who am I? Mi amigo Jorge vio esta imagen y penso en mi, me la paso para que escribiera algun post sobre ella. Eso fue hace un par de meses, no habia posteado porque no tenia nada interesante que decir de ella, o simplemente no le habia prestado la atencion necesaria. Hoy la subi aqui para verla y trate de buscar una cancion que hiciera un match perfecto para que a traves de la combinacion saliera algun post interesante. Esta semana he tenido un par de conversaciones bastante intensas que me han hecho pensar en cosas nuevas y hoy que veo esta imagen me dice algo que no habia pasado por mi mente antes. Asi que aqui voy, veamos que tan buena soy expresando lo que las imagenes me hacen sentir o pensar.Lo que somos o sentimos es una especie de rincon dentro de nosotros que guarda muchas cosas interesantes, pero es eso, un rincon escondido. Lo que somos o sentimos estan siempre resguardado por lo que hacemos decimos o pensamos, y a su vez, escondido detras de como actuamos. El actuar a traves de lo que somos o sentimos es una virtud que pocos tienen la dicha de exprimir, por lo que la mayoria simplemente son y sienten, mas no actuan, dicen o piensan. El descubrir eso que somos o sentimos es un acto no solo de conocimiento personal sino tambien de honestidad con uno mismo. Lo que somos o sentimos no va reflejado en lo que hacemos la mayoria de las veces, ya que lo que hacemos muchas veces es una excusa para no revelar lo que en realidad queremos decir o hacer. Esta imagen me dice que todos podemos ser diferentes, podemos querer hacer pensar o decir cosas distintas, pero siempre escondemos algo que se refleja en nuextro exterior. Esta imagen me dice que al soltarnos de esas acciones o pantallas de fuera, somos lo mismo, somos igual. Somos aquello que somos o sentimos. Las mascaracas que usamos cumplen su funcion a diario, pero es realmente lo que se necesita para estar tranquilo? es en realidad tan dificil de asimilar que simplemente va detras de algo? Lo que somos no representa el quien somos. Es mas facil decir que somo que, quien somos. Ya que el "quien" representa verdades y respuestas que quizas no estemos listos para escuchar o conocer, por lo que nos respaldamos detras de lo Que somos a traves de acciones y mascaras. Esta imagen me dice que no se quien soy, mas me escondo detras de lo que soy a traves de lo que hago. No se si quiera saber quien soy, o no se si no quiera saberlo del todo, lo que se es que siento es algo muy intenso y extraño para lo que no estoy lista aun. Que soy? soy la maestra de mis niños y mas nada, es lo que soy hoy. Quien soy? P.D.:>> Sorry for the way I wrote here.... It's hard for me to express ideas from a picture and it's even harder to express what I tried to express here... oh well Blind For A WhileWhen you ask a kid to close his/her eyes, they wait for the greatest things to happen... I'll be blind just for a while, it's been a long time since I'm seeing everything and getting nothing from it. So I'll just close my eyes and walk without seeing and without judging everything. I'll be blind for a while and wait for great things to happen  Green Feeling Feeling lost
looking for things that are not real Waiting for something that is not comin' trying to make easy a journey that has to be hard. Feeling emptyness Lack of Hope Regrets Feeling like something is missing and is not about to come back Feeling green feeling free feeling me Not feeling at all Feeling what should not be a feeling Waiting to stop feeling green and start to feel blue, yellow or red Feeling sweet Feeling lost All just for you, all of you Feeling crash, feeling fall Feeling tears crying waiting to stop Feeling dry ... only inside Would you come and fix me? Would you hold what is falling? Would you come and fix it? Fix it all... would you? I'm feeling green Just come and rapare it come and hold it come and wisper come and speak come and listen come and say or don't come at all would you? I'm feeling green tonight today this week this month this year this time.... Feeling lost Broken Dry Feeling dark Come and tell me what's on your mind come and let me know you're really here would you? 'Cause I'm feeling green Would you come? are you really coming? If you don't I'll just fall I will feel green The greenest ever I need it I miss it I feel it would you? I'm just feeling green Not orange Not purple Green Is not good Is not nice Would you? Would you? You better don't Feeling green feeling lost Because of you Like a girl's bad dream feeling green Trying To Make It Easy Me he encontrado en una situacion tan familiar como agresiva, una situacion que parece una novela de capitulos inconstantes pero siempre sorpresivos que son tan bien conocidos que, aun cuando no logro manejarlo por completo, soy capaz de aguantar mas tiempo y hacer que la sensacion dure menos que la vez anterior.El vacio que me rodea no siempre esta latente, solo cuando algun acontecimiento importante se acerca, como lo es el fin de año escolar en Carousel. Mi trabajo no solo representa mi experiencia laboral, sino la mejor medicina para mi vida casi solitaria, si no fuese por mis niños y lo que me brindan, caeria facilmente en una especie de depresion. La proxima semana terminara todo y vere irse (una vez mas) los chamos que por dos años he visto crecer, no soy buena para despedidas, podran imaginarse despedirme de esos pedazos de cariño que considero parte de mi. Supongo que como maestra necesito practicar un poco mas el desapego emocional, de otra forma no podre conmigo misma cada vez que un año termine... En fin, es quizas esta situacion lo que me tiene alerta y un poco lenta y extraña, no sabria explicarlo. Pero me siento un poco sola. No es algo de lo que quiera hablar aqui, por lo que aprovechare ahora mas que nunca mi nuevo blog de imagenes, siempre he sido muy visual y me he identificado con sensaciones a traves de fotografias o imagenes comunes. Por lo que muchas veces expresare lo que siento de forma codificada en ese blog a traves de imagenes... como le comentaba a mi amigo Shay, muchas veces por miedo a alguna respuesta esperada, prefiero venirme a blogger y decirme a mi misma lo que sucede. Estoy muy rara, lo se.. oh well ni modo. Now I feel better. P.D.: el link del nuevo blog esta en mi lista de Blogs. Como lyrics, mi cancion favorita de Brandtson "Grace Thinks I'm A Failure", donde Grace representa a Ana Valentina y yo simplemente soy algo que no funciona bien dentro de mi... She said that i'm a shining star in her sky and i feel that far away I'll make a wish for the best of all the little things that i miss and just walk away I've heard this one before about the princess and the pauper And i know just how it ends now it doesn't end well it just ends Some things you learn from hurting yourself and some things you learn from hurting someone else And anyway i don't think i'll be coming back here again 'cause she's got plans and all and i don't think i fit in She said that i'm a shining star in her sky and i feel that far away I'll make a wish for the best of all the little things that i miss and just walk away Always the wrong way never the right way Forward and backward over and over Talk is cheap so i bought every word you said it scared me half to death now i'm half dead And anyway I don't think I'll be coming back here again 'cause she's got plans and all and I don't think I fit in (every time that i fall you're standing over me)
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