The thing is, you're not really back... maybe you think you are, but you're not.

I'm here writing, the first post of this year, the first post after such a long time of weird posting and such confusion with this whole deal of expressing myself.. and as I assure myself that I just want to write something honest, you are the first thing that pops in my head.

As much as I wish you were back, things aren't as simple... because now more than ever I doubt you would ever return as you were before. We shaped out relationship that 11+7 and now we just can't change it.

I've been waiting for you, the real you, the one that would stay hours with a device on his ear just to chat away through some situation, or write at late hours to ask silly but meaningful questions... that character that I miss so much, has never returned. Not since he met the other side of us.

I've been waiting... and even when you think you come back as that person, and make me think you are the same hangman you've always been... the truth is much different and bitter, you're not the hangman I still miss and need. The friend hasn't come back since then and I know never will.

I still miss you and I wish things could back to normal, but I guess I adapted and no longer get the cravings for your long calls and your childish questions. I still miss you but I know you won't come back the way I want you to, and I'm not sure how long I can pretend this is the same as before.

Oh hangman, it's not your fault but we both commit this to memory... back in the past.

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