Earning This Bath

Not like in some kind of race
Where the main point of the process is to get somewhere first
Not like that.
Because I've been first, second and third... and it really doesn't matter, 
the sensations can always change.

And even when I still find it hard to believe
The edge is now farther than before,
like those little details in the frames of different memories
No matter how hard you try to hold them
they disappear.

I'm just demanding without persuing
Letting go without regretting
Loosing without forgetting
Because for a moment I felt like they all had me
They all kept a piece of me that I just gave away
Breaking apart
Vanishing as boiling water.

Not like fighting for power
Power that my head still thinks is worth having
Just making a connection between these lines and the inside of me
This inside that knows I deserve more
More than what I've been settling for.

I'm not removing the seeds from the fruit
but only eating what feels good in my mouth
Assuming these decisions as my own
and not something other people made me do
with my permission and my permission only.

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