Maybe Later, But Not Tonight

This is important, very important for me... so focus girl.
So much mess around, people, choices, doubts, gray tones, weakness... I don't get them, what kind of damage caused that? Where did we went in such different directions? All of us.. so distant and so unreachable... I can't see clearly, and I fear every single second.

There are, for me, two kinds of decisions and besides that it's pure lying. The first one is the decision of not doing something anymore, you name the reasons... but it represents a cold and hard action that could work, almost all the time: it bothers me, so I stop.

Sure there's the whole deal of making that decision or understanding why, how or when... but basing this post on the most simple of it, it becomes just that: Stop.

The other kind of decision could be considered fake, but I defend it with all my strenght: assume the reactions and consequences of not stopping.

-Insert here a moment to analyze-

Sure I could bump into so many things, hurt myself, 'cause big damage and avoiding reality 'till it crashes. Sure to all that... but during the moment will feel good, nice, right. And even if I'm one of those girls that holds on to control as much as she can, for this special time of her year she will just live through the days. I won't stop... Pain might do me good later.

I fear every single second, and that sensation reminds me that I'm alive and I'm able to feel... I don't understand other people trying to avoid that feeling, that awareness of emotions. I just don't get them...

So if letting gray tones hit me is what will make me smile for short moments, instead of avoiding pain and not living at all... I'll embrace colors withing this weather.

Lyrics by Snow Patrol

I've got this feeling that there's something that I missed
(I could do most anything to you...)
Don't you breathe
Something happened, that I never understood
You can't leave
Every second, dripping off my fingertips
Wage your war
Another soldier, says he's not afraid to die
Well I am scared
In slow motion, the blast is beautiful
Doors slam shut
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
Safe and sound

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