Safe, Sane

There's always a moment, it's bittersweet and intense
Feels heavy and warm
Like a strong hug by those desired arms
Like the smell of his skin on the empty pillow next to me

This moment of wanting to explode happens often
But it never belongs to me
Just like the sensations and the burning thoughts
This moment thinks for itself, and the danger lays on its power.

I usually become aware of the holding, and how I try to keep it quiet
But more often than I would like to admit, I set it free
And forget about the damage it might do on its way to freedom.

That lack of awareness I pretend to have to avoid the control of it,
Because without knowing, you show me light and your eyes are calling
Lights that want these rotten words.
It's a big fat lie that dances around my evil but sincere smile as I say the words...
... I miss you today.

If only I didn't know about the true nature of this moment,
If only I could pretend the lights are blinding me as I say this to you
And if only I could remain innocent after lighting a small spark in you...
Then I would keep us safe, sane.

There's always a moment, and for the most part I always feel like letting go of it
But the truth is that the selfishness that feeds it, also eats me
And I can't but expose my weapons hoping for the victims to be prepared,
I want you to ignore me, yet I don't.