Must Know
That I don't usually feel this way
That I don't usually open my soul like this That I don't usually say this much about myself as I'm about to... And also, Knowing what I'm sure you already know You must know That I'll fight for us You I could list them, write their names or maybe describe them Put them all on a wall using different kinds of paint Decorate these memories and display them on the street So all would know them, recognize them Because I could make a composition of the ones that gave up the ones that never felt like trying harder or getting themselves involved. Such a proud production, filled with such fancy stories, I have them all, and I could wash the sky with their names This weird artist, expressing her feelings of frustration and disappointment for her lovers, her story tales, her boxes and frames facing in a second, one different perspective one that, without knowing, is using his heart as a weapon ...hurting me with so much love ...so much love One that seems so different from the rest One that does not belong to this master piece... of the ones that gave up... that didn't try One that tonight, won't please me by walking away, but might be gone so soon. I think I'm ready, to get rid of this well known way of living and surrender to a different kind of love one that's true and pure one that won't be displayed on that wall of deserters. All of them... But you. P.S.: You can't blame me for deserving this. Lyrics by Coldplay 'Do you ever get the feeling that you're missing the mark?' It's so cold, it's so cold It's so cold, it's so cold Written up in marker on a factory sign 'I struggle with the feeling that my life isn't mine' It's so cold, it's so cold It's so cold, it's so cold See the arrow that they shot, trying to tear us apart Take the fire from my belly and the beat from my heart Still I won't let go Still I won't let go You Ooohooh 'Cause you do Oh you use your heart as a weapon And it hurts like heaven On every street every car every surface a name Tonight the streets are ours And we’re writing and saying Don't let them take control No we won't let them take control Yes, I feel a little bit nervous, Yes, I feel nervous and I cannot relax, How come they're out to get us? How come they're out when they don't know the facts? So on concrete canvas under cover of dark On concrete canvas, I'll go making my mark Armed with a spray can soul I'll be armed with a spray can soul You Ooohooh Oh, you Ooohooh Yes, you You use your heart as a weapon And it hurts like heaven Woho-ooh Woho-oooh It's true When you Use your heart as a weapon It hurts like heaven Paradise I'm singing these songs to you, and making you smile at my silliness There's this lovely energy, that even when I wanna hide it, gets through the air I try not to touch your hands, but they seem to come near me and as I move away, you notice this need of one kind aproach just an instant touch, one short encounter... You laugh at this performance, and I think of ways to make it stop but maybe the boose won't let me I can't stop doing what I wanna do being who I wanna be You seem to enjoy it, because maybe you know it wont last Soon enough the song will be over, and I'll stop singing remembering what I must accomplish and the feeling I should be hiding And before we know it, this other song begins One that, instead of taking us back to that dream makes me crash with reality as I sit and realize I already know how everything will end. Lyrics by Coldplay When she was just a girlShe expected the world But it flew away from her reach So she ran away in her sleep Dreamed of para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Every time she closed her eyes Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh When she was just a girl She expected the world But it flew away from her reach And the bullets catch in her teeth Life goes on It gets so heavy The wheel breaks the butterfly Every tear, a waterfall In the night, the stormy night She closed her eyes In the night, the stormy night Away she'd fly. And dreamed of para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh She dreamed of para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh. La la la La La la la So lying underneath those stormy skies. She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. I know the sun must set to rise. This could be para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise This could be para- para- paradise Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh. This could be para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Could be para- para- paradise Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh. This could be para- para- paradise Para- para- paradise Could be para- para- paradise Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh. 2 lines-Thought: Can't Can't drive this car and I can't let you drive it either
Caught Between The Landslide These ideas and the sounds that come with them A particular way of touching without even moving your hands That thought I stole from your dream where you felt like staying here, with me. All my happy places in the past filled with people that no longer share my timeline and have moved on without me in theirs seeing how their routines don't realize I'm not there anymore Those fears I carry in a backpack, always in there afraid I won't have them when the moment comes and the truth is revealed to me the reasons why I haven't change them ... I carry the same fears all the time. I'll tie all this to a safe place I'll make sure they don't go away and my head thinks of them continuously Because tonight, I don't wanna move I don't wanna change I don't wanna blink Refusing the actions of time and just holding on to this unfortunate feeling. Lyrics by Oasis How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high? Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova or in the Sky Some day you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova A champagne supernova or in the sky Wake up the dawn and ask her why A dreamer dreams she never dies Wipe that tear away now from your eye Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? Some day you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova or in the sky Some day you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova A champagne supernova 'Cause people believe that they're Gonna get away for the summer But you and I, we live and die The world's still spinning round We don't know why Why, why, why, why How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high? Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova or in the sky Some day you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova A champagne supernova 'Cause people believe that they're Gonna get away for the summer But you and I, we live and die The world's still spinning round We don't know why Why, why, why, why How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high? We were getting high The Cage It might be too much to ask, but for just this moment, before I go to sleep and open a window for these thoughts to become dreams... I'll think of it as something a bit less than impossible. There's a door, one empty space and some light; the atmosphere feels heavy, warm and thick. And there they stand, just waiting for me. I own the key, I control time inside my room and there's a perfect syncronization between situations... Like giving me permission to play this way. Nothing awaits beyond these walls, and what I let myself feel in here will only feed my ego until my hands stop typing these words. The thing is... even when this room is surrounded by so much certainty to be real, it would elevate my soul so easily. A room built for mistakes, isolated from consequences and always filled with my most deep desires.
Washed Would it be better without all the words? Drop the anxiety and that memorized agenda What we are both feeling, will vanish in a second I promise you that. Would it be better dressed with borrowed sensations? Drop the fear and the shield What we are both thinking will not stay for too long That I can guarantee. Take my background and wash it away, I'll give you this blank version of me If that is what we both need. 2 lines-Thought: Don't Put that down and go back Don't even think about it
There Is, There Goes Hard beginnings, difficult endings... particular situations, but all moments that share one destiny: the not lasting. The missing, the enjoying, same destiny. Fear, stress, worry, also same destiny. Moments that fade, no matter what, because all we can really trust is time, and the fact that it doesn't stop. Condeming these moments to a unique finale. Days, hours, minutes, seconds... none of them stop and they define the simple structure of everything we go through. A routine that becomes a routine based on the course of time, like a circle where objects, people and other things can join or leave, altering the whole flow just for a while, right before time does its thing... ending things... fading the sensations, turning what felt odd at first into a normal feeling. Wake up and go out there, but "knowing" that no matter how your day ends, it will end. Stand strong and face goodbyes, knowing that what now feels sad, soon will feel as a covered hole. Make that big decision, knowing that this fear that consumes your energy, may not become confidence, but will change and eventually die. Lyrics by Death Cab For Cutie It was one hundred degrees
As we sat beneath a willow tree Whose tears didn't care They just hung in the air And refused to fall, to fall And I knew I'd made a horrible call And now the state line felt Like the Berlin wall And there was no doubt About which side I was on 'Cause I built you a home in my heart With rotten wood, it decayed from the start 'Cause you can't find nothing at all If there was nothing there all along No you can't find nothing at all If there was nothing there all along I braved treacherous streets And kids strung out On homemade speed And we shared a bed In which I could not sleep at all 'Cause that night the sun in retreat Made the skyline look Like crooked teeth In the mouth of a man Who was devouring, us both You're so cute when you're slurring your speech But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave And you can't find nothing at all If there was nothing there all along No you can't find nothing at all If there was nothing there all along I'm a war of head versus heart And it's always this way My head is weak, my heart always speaks Before I know what it will say And you can't find nothing at all If there was nothing there all along No you can't find nothing at all If there was nothing there all along If it's to build... It takes energy, whatever it is we feel like supporting, defending... like sadness or excitment. It takes energy for both, but the the difference sometimes is that some efforts are meant to be felt and some others are not, they just pass us by without waves of sensation. It takes energy, sometimes not that much, but just enough to hold something up... that attitude, that emotion, that mood, giving specific instructions to each one of our actions, to go as they should... like speaking my mind if I must, wear gray all day, watch one particular movie, write about this. Because it takes energy, and just the fact that this energy even exist brings out the most important thought for today: You either learn how to handle it, or be handled by it. So whenever I feel like the energy is using me, and the amounts of effort I'm wasting are not being used for the bright side of life, then I must remember that the situation can be transformed using the same energy, but turning it into a much more high energy. If it's to build, then build bridges not walls
Doomed Someone must be to blame... for the rushing, the rushing Someone must be guilty... for the early blowing, so early Someone must know the reason... for the put out ...for the quick ending... And if that someone finds a way And if that someone finds it real And if that someone gets it right... ...then we'll rush together, we'll blow together, we'll put out together.
Fall If someone asks me right now, I'd tell them you came with this season... Even tough I know I'll have to pick up later, I'm loving the colorful mess all over
Can You? Can you blame me for trying? Can you blame me for thinking it looks like fun? Can you blame me for not caring that much? Can you blame me for the deep diving? Can you...? ...Blame me for the joy? ...Blame me for the impulse? ...Blame me for the raw honesty? ...Blame me for the courage? Can you...? ...Blame yourself for still choosing to be with me?
Let Us Be Happy Don't be surprised if you find things exactly the way you left them Don't pull that face after discovering I'm still that person Giving the same dry answers Granting a soundtrack to each moment Expressing the same silence Don't assume what you thought would change in me Don't walk around me expecting to pop a fake bubble Showing what you always thought I'd become Smiling at your face of relief Saying I still don't mind Just don't, and let us be happy as we are right now, just like now. Worth Saving To start, just a statement: we cannot truly control everything that has to do with us outside of our own actions. There will always be different kinds of energy sucking, pulling and just playing with that missing part, that unprotected part of our whole self. That we do control, involves as much as we all know, understand and manage... ways of thinking, the decisions we make, the way we communicate, what we let others to see from us and how much we share; all that, submited to our power, but besides there's a bunch of other aspects that we don't have the time or the energy to reach out to, or we just don't know they are being manipulated by others... in other words: opinions. What I find very interesting is the fact that some can actually be aware of all this, and live based on that awareness, like just letting things come as they go and (in a very discrete way) pulling off that important energy, that will eventually kill the opinion. As most like to say "the less attention you pay, the smaller it gets". The thing comes down then, to the choices you make about these opinions... do you act on them? do you demand some participation? do you ask for some re-interpretation? or do you just let the thing work on its own? (taking away the energy I mentioned before). It can turn into a very difficult situation, while deciding if that should matter or not, and what to do about it... The way I see it, some things are worth saving and some others can just go on its course to final destruction; nothing will get solved by the power of magic, so it is up to people to make that decision wether to do something about it or not. I've tried both, and they taste equally as good. But the more you practice (as everything in life, practice is great) the better your judgment gets, and it gets easier to know when something is worth discussing and solving, in order to be saved... or when the best solution is to walk away from it. You either face it, or let it go. Not everything is worth saving, but those things (ideas, opinions, people, memories) that are, will give you the greatest battles to learn from, and the finest treasures to keep. Lyrics by Oasis (There's no better song for this, than this one) Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find A better place to play You said that you'd never been But all the things that you've seen Will slowly fade away So I start a revolution from my bed 'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head Step outside, summertime's in bloom Stand up beside the fireplace Take that look from off your face 'cause You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out And so Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I heard you say Take me to the place where you go Where nobody knows, if it's night or day. Please don't put your life in the hands Of a Rock 'n Roll band and throw it all away Gonna start the revolution from my bed 'Cause you said the brains I had went to my head Step outside the summertime's in bloom Stand up beside the fireplace Take that look from off your face You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by. her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I heard you say And So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I heard you say So Sally can wait, she knows it's too late and we're walking on by Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger I heard you say It's not today. On It I might as well crash soon, hit and bruise myself. I might as well stay down for a while locating the pain. But it would feel 10 times better than this stillness I've been stuck in for so long. I could loose so much I could cause so much damage But it will feel 10 times better than keeping life in such a small box. I might as well fail, I could really ruin this solid ground, But the truth it... it already feels 10 times better than smiling as I notice every day looks the same. Lyrics by Incubus I have waited
Dined on ashes Swung from chandeliers and climbed Everest And none of it's got me close to this I've waited all my life If not now, when will I? We've been good Even a blast, but Don't you feel like something's missing here? Don't you dare I've waited all my life If not now, when will I? Stand up and face the bright light Don't hide your eyes It's time No umbrellas No sunglasses Healing [hearing?] Hallelujah everyday I've waited all my life If not now, when will I? Stand up and face the bright light Don't hide your eyes It's time Sing I've been thinking about an object to compare myself with, just to give a good example on what I'm about to explain here, but the best thing I can come up with is a DVD player... yeah, I know. DVD players are so easy to use, they function so well and they can be so simple... just a few buttons and you get exactly what you want. Now, I know I should get to the point quickly so you don't get the wrong idea, you know.. about comparing myself with a thing with buttons :) The thing is that when you use the DVD you get to start a movie from the beginning, just one click and you go back to the start, no big deal... Well, my weird head thought of that while trying to give and introduction to this post. Because I am also like that, I can start from scratch so easily. Like functioning with buttons. I can get very mad, sad.. get so disappointed and stuff... but I just can't stay like that for too long, because soon enough something within me will make it vanish, and be ok all over again. Not being able to stay mad at someone for too long. That can be very annoying, but I guess I'm used to it. But whenever I deal with this "being upset" situation, and knowing that even when I have all the reasons to feel in such way, I will eventually give up and be ok with that person, I feel that I owe some kind of resolution to myself... Like saying "oright, I'm not mad at you, but still make me feel like I deserve some kind of explanation"... And that would not be so hard to understand, since I'm such an information freak, right? Well there you go, that was me trying to make a point, share some information, make some statements and once again, make myself more transparent by (I know) comparing myself with a DVD player... oh well. Lyrics by Travis Lately nothing seems to be going right. So low, why do you have to get so low? You're so... You've been waiting in the sun too long. But if you sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, For the love you bring won't mean a thing, Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing. Colder, crying over your shoulder, Hold her, tell her everything's gonna be fine. Surely, you've been going too hurry, Hurry 'cos no-one's gonna be stopped. But if you sing, sing, sing, sing sing, sing.
For the love you bring won't mean a thing. Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, Baby, there's something going on today, But I say nothing, nothing, nothing, Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing...(fades out) But if you sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, For the love you bring won't mean a thing, Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing. Ohh baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, sing, For the love you bring won't mean a thing, Unless you sing, sing, sing, sing. 2 lines-Thought: Eager ...to create colorful and intense shapes with you to feel like you are worth it
I Could Easily Jump? I could easily fill this wall with red paint, cut some pieces of shiny sparkly paper and paste it all over, making some kind of frame to then fill with silly pictures. I could easily throw away my clothes, and buy hundreds of green outfits to make some kind of statement of how I wish I could feel every day, green. I could easily cut my hair and make some kind of weird master piece for someone who might worship the lenght of things, like hair... Cut it because of the release or just because I actually can. Easily, with no hesitation, like changing channels and moving pillows around, things that are done with no big preparation and for no huge purpose. A way of spending time that I wish could be my way of spending my life. But instead, satisfaction gets frustrated by planning and manipulating, for so many of us that are so afraid of other people's actions and intentions... Are we all up to hurt? Or just try to be free? And about me... I'm just doing my best to love each and every one of my motives. I could easily act with no previous agenda or possible consequences, thinking that if it makes me happy then there's nothing wrong in it... and when I do, when easily comes this easy, the world shows me how not-ready it is, for me and my actions... for me and my easy and loving way to live. Lyrics by Depeche Mode Put it on
And don't say a word Put it on The one that I prefer Put it on And stand before my eyes Put it on Please don't question why Can you believe Something so simple Something so trivial Makes me a happy man Can't you understand Say you believe Just how easy It is to please me Because when you learn You'll know what makes the world turn Put it on I can feel so much Put it on I don't need to touch Put it on Here before my eyes Put it on Because you realise And you believe Something so worthless Serves a purpose It makes me a happy man Can't you understand Say you believe Just how easy It is to please me Because when you learn You'll know what makes the world turn Unwrap I guess that if you could unwrap me you might think the answer would just jump right in front of you, but let me tell you this, it won't. Not because it's hidden deeper than what it seems, it's juts because what I'm telling you, is exactly what it is. There are no more ways to prove to you why this is what it is, but letting you choose and giving you time, time that surely I know how to give, but knowing that this time the only difference is that I'm the one to blame, and I ran out of options to make things right. I'm covered in colors, all the time, but you can see through them, you've always been able to, you just wouldn't do it. Underneath these colors there's just me in a different but still real essence, the same you met and the same you still care about. All that's left is this present, a very distant and hurting one, one that I can't figure out or fix... Never before my hands felt this tied with you. So all I have are these words, words that you know are real, but you're still not sure if believing in them is your best way to go. Lyrics by MCS Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course.. Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide.. Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside, But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs, I have learned to love the lie. I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent. I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah Let me in, let me in to the club, cuz I wanna belong, And I need to get strong, and if memory serves, I'm addicted to words and they're useless. (In this department) Let's get fucked up and die.. I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie, And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode, I'm about to explode. I'm a mess, I'm a wreck. I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings, Cause I am so visceral, yet deeply inept. I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds.. And all the things that don't get old.. Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know. It's the only way I have learned to express myself through other peoples' descriptions of life.. I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless... (In this department) Let's get fucked up and die. For the last time with feeling we'll try not to smile As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights That still shock and surprise. I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end But I choose to abuse for the time being, maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die. Sister soldier You’ve been such a positive influence on my mental frame If I could ever repay you, I would, but I'm hard up for cash And my memory lacks initiative. God damn the liquor store's closed, we were so close to scoring it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills.. I am tired and hungry and totally useless. (In this department) Stare There must be a reason why we are so dragged to things we're leaving behind, I mean, if it's only logical, then why is it so addictive to stare? So much passion and eager to go back So wrong than it makes it so desirable So easy and reachable Everything that makes any sense and gives some perspective, tell us that there's no good back there, but we just wanna walk back and dig... crawl back and feel. So much energy and hunger So negative than it makes it so ideal So tasty and divine I give myself permission, knowing that I'll be punished in the morning, just to touch and feel what's right there, behind my foot steps... Just to remind myself of what I'm leaving behind, and how much love I feel for the wrong path. According To Whim I'm sure I'll be the one to blame after rasing all this selfishness for my own... And why is it so wrong to have this kind of perspective? So raw and simple and with no hidden agenda whatsoever, just the seeking of something I want for a tiny little moment. I've had enough time and used enough ways to explain the situation, but sadly we've had bad luck finding the proper path, because of course not everyone would share the same idea, or would like the same kind of treat, but we can only know after trying, there are no mean intentions behind it. Maybe we just can't have it so easily, maybe we must risk and sacrifice in order to obtain, but is it so bad to hide behind this solution? Yes, I'm aware, I'm hiding, but I know.. so then again, is it so bad? I'm sure this is just a stage, I'm sure it will transform into a different (and maybe selfish as well) pattern, but in the mean time I will seek for it, not believing in the risking and sacrificing. As simple as reaching out and grabbing what we both want, so I'll be good at that for a while. P.S.: ... yep, pretty sarcastic lyrics. It is possible, I still believe in that. Lyrics by John Mayer Now that we are over As the loving kind We'll be dreaming ways To keep the good alive Only when we want is not A compromise I'd be pouring tears Into your drying eyes Friends, lovers, or nothing There can only be one Friends, lovers, or nothing There'll never be an in-between So give it up You whisper "Come on over" Cause you're two drinks in But in the morning I will say Good-bye again Think we'll never fall into The jealous game The streets will flood With blood of those who felt the same Friends, lovers, or nothing There can only be one Friends, lovers, or nothing There'll never be an in-between So give it up Hidden Agenda Why are you acting this way? Like no one ever told you the truth And you were waiting for them to laugh at the end of your reaction Just don't give them what they want Realize you kind of knew about it It's been there since the beginning of everything And it gets created behind every little action Every little emotion Every little reaction As long as there's an idea there will be this plan This program and this improvised method For some things can never really be uncertain We all know, we always know Look behind your words and behind your thoughts You'll find it there Look behind those three words you didn't include in that sentence Look within every single conversation As random as can be You'll always find it there... ... because, this hidden plan and these hidden reasons, work like gas to our soul.
In The Meantime Keep your feet right here, while I go and figure out that other idea just wiggle if you must but keep the fall for us
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