Until now it never occured to me what really made me fall inlove with this short t.v. show Felicity. I always knew that there were many things in common between that character and me, it was unbelievable, but she was pretty much like me: constantly over thinking, saying things without thinking first, continuosly wondering what her feelings meant and speaking her mind every time she felt like doing it. So there, I felt for her and I watch her for four seasons.

It was funny to relate people from my own life with characters from the show... there were Noel Julie, Elena, god I even felt like Molly being addicted to someone, Megan... and of course Ben. When I first began to watch the show I felt very related with that ben-felicity-noel triangle and I knew who they were at that time... Then things changed and well... the characters changed a little.

Just now I realize what this Felicity thing is for me and why it means so much, yes I see myself through Felicity and now I know who Ben is for me. Him, the GL.

It is now that I see all the facts that have made this connection so important. And here I am writing them:
I've always followed him. It is my thing... To go where ever he is.
He made me see things within me that no one else would ever could.
He made me a stronger person by wanting to become a bigger girl to be good enough for him and everything else.
He has been so afraid, many times.
He tends to run and pretend things are the way he feels is better, so he doesn't have to deal with it at the moment, which in a way makes him a coward.
He has learned the importance of our relationship but there's always a fear of walking away... me being the one that's gonna follow back.
My fear of making a mistake that would make him turn around and leave me.
The ideal story of the soulmates and the love after everything.
Me having all these big expectations of how I should be the greatest girlfriend and the fear of not filling his expectations.
The back and forth.

All this time I've been in this battle with my emotions, feelings, thoughts and ideas... And now that everything seems to be so good, shit happens. If I could erase all the stuff that make us not being perfect I would, just for what that Ben and this GL means. But I can't and all I can do is think of a way to make things better, and god help me with this one 'cause I think i got it.

You've been Ben many many times, in very different ways, but very similar also. So I just hope that my nightmare will be as Felicity's: the idea of losing you and all the things that reminds us how good and strong our love really is. I just know I love you no matter what.

Lyrics by JJ Adrams & Andrew

Can you become
Can you become
A new version of you

New wallpaper
New shoe leather
A new way home
I don't remember

New version of you
I need a new version of me

New version of you
I need a new version of me